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to really really want to murder my XP?

(30 Posts)
Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 19:49:36

no seriously i could quite easily just push him in front of a very big truck right now.

he has fought me in court for the past 4 years to gain access to teh children.

just before christmas i finally gave up fighting and agreed fortnightly weekend visits.

he was due to have them last friday till sunday.
on Thursday he calls at about 5pm to say that he can't have them and could he have them next weekend (today0 instead. i asked why as this would seriously upset the children as they are expecting to see him.

first he says its because he has no money and so he can't take them out. i explain that he doesn't take them anywhere normally so why is this week different? he continues abtu wanting to take them swimming but wont be able to afford to. i offer to give him the £10 so he can take them swimming.

he then decides that actually no, its because he has been offered som ecasual cash in hand work and that if he does this job it means he could contribute towards the childrens uniforms ( we receive no maintenance and nor have we ever) and that he could take the children out.

Fine i say.

This afternoon he texts me to say that he will collect the children at 5pm (instead fo the usual 4)
because of severe DV he is not allowed to know where i live so i have to meet him at a local train station for handover.

at 4pm i get a text message saying that he will be there at 4:15. i reply saying " we'll not be able to get back to the station until about 5. sorry"

i get no reply.

at 4:50 we are literally seconds from teh station i get the text "we cant wait. were going"

i text saying we are in teh car and will be with him within a minute.
we get there and there is no sign. i call him and he just tells me that its my fault, i was messing him around. why couldn't i get there like he told me.

he could have only left seconds before but he wouldnt turn back to meet the children.

my children are now devestated. they were really upset about last weekend so this weekend was important.

because he is so volatile i spoke to his sister to explain what happened. she told me that he had told his family that the reason he didnt have the childre last weekend was because i told him he couldnt have them as i was taking them away for a break!!

he had lied to his mother who had driven him down to get the children. he hadnt told her about my texts at all and just amde it seem like i was an hour late!

i explained to his sister about how upset the children were. she obviously passed this on and so i got a screaming voicemail telling me "your a horrible fat cunt and when i find you i promise you i will kill you. i am going to fucking kill you"

a few seconds later i get another call from him whcih i answer. he is shouting at me blaming me for him not being able to see his children. he lied again saying that they couldn't wait because they had his neice in teh car ( i know this is untrue as i was speaking to her mother - his sister just moments before) and then he starts screaming at me that i told him he couldn't have his children last weekend!!!

he is totally derragned. i don't know what to do. we are now totally discharged from teh court so its not as though we can just go back. we'd have to start a whole new case. but i just cannot put my children through this again, and quite frankly he is clearly in no fit mental state to look after them.
My children will be devesated if i stop contact though.
its a fucking nightmare of his making and i hate him for putting me in this position.

also it has now caused a major headache as Dp and i have planned to take his 2 children to the ice age 3 premiere and obviously i now have my 2 children as well.

Please, someone, just lend me £10k for a hitman.

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 19:49:50

oops. sorry its such a rant

AnarchyAunt Fri 03-Jul-09 19:53:03

What a cunt angry

Evidently cares not one jot about the DC other than as a way to get to you.

Poor them, and poor you.

Keep all the texts and voice messages. Go back to court and get it changed to supervised access.

Boys2mam Fri 03-Jul-09 19:55:04

How awful. I have no practical advice but if it were me I would be going for supervised contact until he got his act together.

So sad for your kids though.

WinkyWinkola Fri 03-Jul-09 19:57:29

Oh god. What a loony he sounds.

He really can't have unsupervised visits, can he? He sounds totally detached from reality and is prepared to say anything to cover his back.

Your poor DCs and you too for having to even deal with a nutter.

Is there any way you could organise supervised visits for your DCs and ex P - that way they are diarised over say the period of a year and he has plenty of notice about them and can't blame anyone but himself if he lets them down.

But he will, won't we? Let them down again and again and again. I would want him to prove himself before I exposed my DCs to such continual disappointment.

A really sh*tty situation to be in.

QuintessentialShadow Fri 03-Jul-09 19:58:41

mamazon. This is awful. Show the police your text.

ANd get your op deleted pronto. Post again, but DONT say anything about killing him.

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 19:59:03

we had supervised access for almos a year, folloing no access at all for teh year before that.

i agree, he doesn't want to see teh children. it was why i prevented contact originally. but i guess after 4 years of monthly court visits i guess i started to believe that maybe he did want to see them, that maybe they were important to him.

but no.

what makes it worse is that Ds is autistic and he KNOWS that this sort of thing upsets him a lot more than it would a typical child - he is literally suicidal sad

WinkyWinkola Fri 03-Jul-09 19:59:52

Then you cannot expose your DCs to this man anymore. You simply can't. You've answered your own dilemma.

Claire2009 Fri 03-Jul-09 19:59:56

Why doesn't he have supervised access?

Enviousbitch Fri 03-Jul-09 20:00:13

There is no way he was at the station. He always intended this given his behaviour.

So sorry for you sad

have a stiff drink

HumphreyCobbler Fri 03-Jul-09 20:00:52

Fucking hell.

What a shit.

Claire2009 Fri 03-Jul-09 20:00:56

Sorry, I didn't read properly.

What a wanker, keep your kids away from him. Fight him in court again and again, he is messing with them even more and its unfair.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 20:03:06

Message withdrawn

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 20:05:00

ooh Quint. yes hadn't thought it may be used as evidence if he ever does fall in front of a truck.

like i'd ever be so lucky.

ipiratethief Fri 03-Jul-09 20:09:58

good god, i feel for you and the kids, poor things.

I have expereience of a conrolling unreasonable fcukwit who is hell bent on fucking up my dd's life/emotions.

Time to get strong again, its very upsetting when a big argument happnes, you just feel yu are back where you started, when you have been thru so so much.


imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 03-Jul-09 20:18:27

You don't need 10K for a hit man - i'll kill the fucker for nothing.

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 20:31:26

thanks girls.

Im still fuming, I was actually crying with rage earlier. its just the knowledge that no matter what i do he will always have the ability to hurt me in the worst way possible, through them.

think he is most angry about the fact that his mum and sister now know he has been lying.

iamaLeafontheWind Fri 03-Jul-09 20:38:32

I agree with Enviousbitch, he wasn't at the station. Thats so classic manipulation: send text saying 5pm, then change at last minute & blame you.

However his sister sounds quite sane, could you have contact at her house so your kids at least see their dad and you have some protection from his anger? If he doesn't show up then you at least get a cup of tea.

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 21:39:23

they live a good 60 miles away so can't just pop round if its a wasted trip iyswim.

sis and i never really got on but yes, she is certainly the only semi sane member of the family

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 03-Jul-09 21:43:05

If he is threatening you, you HAVE to go back to court, or go to the police and get protection. Just suppose you take the kids to meet him and he attacks you? You may say he'd never do that in front of the kids or whatever - but you never truly know - it happens.

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 21:45:38

oh don't worry he would have no worries about assaulting me in front of people and certainly in front of teh children, its why we left in the first place.

I do have an injunction against him and he is not to know where i live. i use different routes home in case he follows and i never return straight to my home.

I also make sure someone is with me during handover so that they can at teh very least act as a witness to anything he says or does.

helsbels4 Fri 03-Jul-09 21:50:27

There is no way on this earth that I would let someone like that have my children unsupervised!
It may be a complete pita to go back through the courts but that is exactly what I would do. I would also contact his sis and mum and arrange supervised visits with them (if they want it) so you are not looking like the bad guy in all of this.
Your exp is a loon and only has himself to blame. Your poor dc's though sad

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 03-Jul-09 21:50:54

bloody hell! what on earth could this man possibly bring to the lives of his children? I really think you should report to the police that he has threatened you. Keep those messages and show them. You need records.

Mamazon Fri 03-Jul-09 21:54:13

I will indeed make sure i get the texts recorded by my solicitor.

I fought to stop all contact completly for much of the 4 years. it was only when i resigned to the fact that he was getting contact and that it would be unsupervised and then eventually overnigth that i agreed to try and make things more amicable for the childrens sakes.

i should be happy that he has proved me right but i am heartbroken for the childrens sake.

he is an utter twunt.

Noonki Fri 03-Jul-09 22:09:04


Do not let him see your children. Normally i argue that men should be allowed free access to their children.

In your circumstance I would ask, no beg you not to let him.

He can't hurt you at the moment you say as he doesn't know where you are. But the way he could hurt you most in the world is by hurting your children.

It happens all the time. I had to be a witness at a case where a man killed all three of his beautiful children one by one. He was a loving father (though a shit husband) he had rocked and kissed and sung his children to sleep, he spoilt them and read them stories and played with them and was described as the perfect father.

But he hated his wife more than he loved his children sad sad sad.

he does NOT deserve to see them. And his pathetic attempts at maintaining contact is doing more harm than good.

be strong x

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