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To not do a party for my DDs fourth b'day.

(18 Posts)
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 03-Jul-09 10:27:36

I'm really quite torn. Firstly we are broke so don't want to do a big spend, so it really rules out the hire of a hall and bouncy castle or such like. I can't stand soft play centre parties - although DD loves them.

My DD cannot decide - one day she wants a big "princess party" the next a soft play party, the next a tea party with her friend.

I favour the tea party with her friend and then a day out with me and DP, possibly my mum too.

I feel really mean though, but there are several factors putting me off the party. She will have left playgroup to start school in september. None of her playgroup friends are going to her new school. I am not particularly close to any of the mums. There are a couple, but if i invite those, then i have to invite a woman and her children who always really stress me out - The older one is really precocious and the younger one is into everything but the mum never checks him. So that would put me off having it at home because I want to spend the time pandering after my DD, not chasing after her DS while he wrecks my house/garden.

My house is a shit state just now - really bad, so not very pleasant for party. Feel too tight to spend out the money effectively on other peoples children who don't really play with DD anyway. Id rather spend the time/momey on DD. But i feel mean. I will probably do a party next year once she is at school and establishing her little friendships.

gardeningmum05 Fri 03-Jul-09 10:31:49

its awful you feel presssured into having a party! i let my kids pick a couple of friends and have a sllep over, but they are older than your dd.
why dont you let her pick 2 friends and you take them to the park for a birthday picnic. take bats and a ball, play on the swings etc. cheap as chips, and i bet they will love it wink

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 03-Jul-09 10:34:55

Thats a good idea gardeningmum. She only really has one little friend though. I might just do something for the two of them.

paranoidmother Fri 03-Jul-09 10:35:33

My DD wanted one for her 4th BIrthday as friends were and I said no she'd have to wait until her 5th birthday. The birthday parties start so early and we just did close friend and family day out. Next year we're going to do a Pottery or baking party for under a dozen of them I think.

zeke Fri 03-Jul-09 10:38:49

I did a playgroup/nursery friends party at a softplay centre for my son's 4th birthday - and I don't think he really enjoyed it that much!

I always said I would start doing parties for him when he asked started asking for them, so his 4th was his first. However, my advice would be to do the little tea party and a day out if that is one of the options given. Ideally I would go for a super day out as a family if your daughter is ok with that!

Now my son has started going to parties with his school friends (he is five in a couple of weeks) I can see that he enjoys these much more, simply because he is older.

I had the same gut feeling you had about it last year and I really regret not listening to it!

gardeningmum05 Fri 03-Jul-09 10:38:52

or why not take your dd and friend swimming? then a picnic after, that should wear them out wink

katiestar Fri 03-Jul-09 12:39:55

Wouldn't bother with a party.Maybe do something with a friend or two - or just the family

SerendipitousHarlot Fri 03-Jul-09 13:04:19

Oh the party thing is a minefield. When I was little, we never used to have a part every year! It was once or twice, ever.

I'd go with the taking her and a little friend out somewhere like swimming or the cinema (if they'd sit still)

Having said that, ds is 4 in August and my mil is putting on a little outside party on the field at the back of their house grin So it won't be my house they're wrecking grin

meltedmarsbars Fri 03-Jul-09 13:15:10

I do parties one year then a trip out somewhere the next with a couple of specially chosen friends. That keeps the cost down - as the trip out need not be expensive. We've been on a canal trip, to the cinema, steam railway, ice skating....

I have 3 dc's, the eldest is now 10. Thats 25 birthdays so far....

Don't feel at all guilty about skipping the party nightmare!!! You have the next decade or so still to come! I'd never host a kids party again if I was given the choice. 10 year-olds are huge.

battleofthebulge Fri 03-Jul-09 13:34:00

I recently hosted my 5yo's first birthday party. She seemed to find it all quite difficult really, there were 3 bouts of tears. She was very happy afterwards, but I think from her own pov it would have been just as good to have a family day out. I felt bad because she'd been invited to her friends' parties over the years and we'd never reciprocated. Now I think I'm not so bothered about that! Next time I think it will be 2 or 3 friends and a cinema visit or something like that.

It can be difficult if all the friends are having big parties, but I think stick to your guns.

littlelamb Fri 03-Jul-09 13:37:08

My dd's fourth birthday was 2 weeks after my ds was born. I was in no fit state to organise a party tbh and neither was my house blush My lovely friend with a huge garden stepped in, and we had a barbeque in her garden and it was lovely. The children had a paddling pool and trampoline, and plenty of space to run around in, and the adults were happy to sit and talk, much better than standing around feeling awkward like I do at other kids birthday parties. Could you do somehting like that?

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 03-Jul-09 16:40:23

I think i have it sorted - we are going to have two friends (plus a little brother) around for a "princess tea party" although one of the friends is a boy, i don't think he will be averse to dressing up.

I might do a day out with the money my mum offered to put forward towards soft play centre party (i think she thinks im terrible not having a party) We did one last year, i found it all very stressfull, even at play centre and their food was SHIT! The children were all far too hot and were sweating buckets.

Nup definately not going to get sucked in

But then, THEN i thought, OK lets look at a day out, maybe legoland or chessington - then OMFG shock £33/£36 entry for adults, £27 for DD. I nearly fell of my fecking chair!!! Thats like nearly £100 for a day out, with two adults basically tagging along for the ride hmm. I'm surprised these places stay open.

jemart Fri 03-Jul-09 18:06:04

My dd had a tea party with her sister and two cousins for her fourth birthday. So don't feel guilty, you are not alone in your reluctance to play host to a horde of little kids.

littlelambs BBQ in the garden idea does sound lovely though, I might do that next year.

meltedmarsbars Fri 03-Jul-09 22:43:38

Imaynotbeperfect - its your choice of "day out" that lets you down - don't go for the expensive ones. We've even considered the local animal rescue centre (many have a cafe and lots of cute animals), and a picnic is always a favourite here.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Sat 04-Jul-09 10:11:09

I have to admit melted, its actually ME that wants the theme park - at that price, i might actually wait until DD is old enough to go on all the rides!

We have a lovely rare breeds centre quite nearby. I think that will be the day of choice, had a fab day there last year. Might MIGHT even consider taking her little friend, but actually they are a bit like Lola and Lotta, they love each other, but don't actually get on that well.

M1SSUNDERSTOOD Sat 04-Jul-09 10:34:02

I have the same dilemma as you and as Ds2 birthday August he has never had inside party. For his 1st and 2nd bouncy castle etc out back door . But last year rained so went for a nice lunch. This year I have asked my SIL and 2 DC to come to theme park. Might ask Ds2 friend and also DS1 obv. So that 2 adults and 4 paying children and not sure how to pay. I have tesco vouchers which would cover a family pass so just have to make up extra. Or could always pretend kids are under 4 as don't pay!

sarah293 Sat 04-Jul-09 10:37:27

Message withdrawn

Morloth Sat 04-Jul-09 10:43:22

We did a day out at Legoland with one friend this year, but I had two kids go free vouchers and packed a picnic lunch so the total spend was just the two adult tickets and a couple of ice creams. The vouchers are on Green's cake mix boxes at the moment and I think Early Learning Centre is giving them out when you spend 5 quid or something.

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