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AIBU?

To think my wife is being unreasonable

241 replies

SomeGuy · 02/07/2009 22:50

We are going to Mexico next week (flights not yet booked, but about to be).

Flights on Monday cost £735 total for our family of 4

On Wednesday the cost is £895 for our family of 4.

DW is organiser of a monthly lunch meetup with her friends. There are usually about six women, with their children, and each brings food. The next meet-up is not at our place, but at the house of one of the other people involved, and is scheduled for next Tuesday.

She says we can't go on Monday, saving £160, because she has given her word that the lunch meet would take place on Tuesday, and she says they would probably cancel it if she doesn't come (even though it's at one of her friend's house, who quite frequently has a lunch with just one other person).

I think she is being unreasonable, because there is frequently one of the 6 that cannot make it, and there's not really a significant difference between 5 cooking for 5 and 6 cooking for 6.

It's not that we can't afford the extra £160, it just seems wrong to 'waste' it.

OP posts:

Report

Tortington · 02/07/2009 22:51

i'd like to hear mrssomeguys POV, i am sure if you can afford it - its something to do with valuing these people who are important to her

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/07/2009 22:52

YANBU
that's silly. I agree with you - maybe she can invite them over for lunch again when you get back?

moondog · 02/07/2009 22:52

Sounds nuts to me.

BitOfFun · 02/07/2009 22:54

Can't you just google the facts for her SomeGuy, and tell her she's wrong?

cheesesarnie · 02/07/2009 22:54

i think she is being unreasonable yes.but im speaking as someone who couldnt afford to waste it and think that the monthly lunch thang and friends will be their when i got back.

Jajas · 02/07/2009 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortyplus · 02/07/2009 22:56

I can understant you pov but also hers. The best thing would be for her to phone her friends and ask if they mind, explaining that a day's delay will cost £160 (and presumably one less day's holiday). Naturally her kind friends will say of course she should go on Mon. Win win situation.

Merrylegs · 02/07/2009 22:56

Where would you be staying on the Monday and Tuesday nights in Mexico (Mexico?? OMG, Swine Flu!).

Would the cost of your accommodation exceed or equal £160?

If so, you won't have saved anything by going early.

Hassled · 02/07/2009 22:56

I sense hidden issues. She is being so unreasonable that there has to be more to it. Who wants to faff about lunching with friends the day before a trip to Mexico anyway?

And you'd have thought they'd be paying you to go there at the moment - can't be much of a tourist deluge these days.

LynetteScavo · 02/07/2009 22:58

There is more to it than just the lunch. She really wants to go on Wednesdayfor some reason, maybe something she's not telling you.

I think £160 is a lot of money to "waste".

LynetteScavo · 02/07/2009 23:00

Actually £735 sounds a bargain,! Does that include taxies?

DanieC · 02/07/2009 23:00

so basicaily she wants to spend £160 on going to her friends for lunch!?!
good luck!

LynetteScavo · 02/07/2009 23:01

I meant taxes!!!

corriefan · 02/07/2009 23:01

Maybe she's a bit anxious about going and feels like all the control's been taken out of her hands.

SomeGuy · 02/07/2009 23:08

She did object quite vociferously to Mexico at first, I explained that the UK is predicted to have 100,000 swine flu cases per day soon, the Mexicans OTOH went bonkers, closing restaurants and the like, and it was always centred on Mexico City rather than the tourist areas, and that as a result they've basically beaten it, and the travel warnings have been lifted. I also pointed out that I heard from a guy in Mexico who is thinking of cancelling his trip to the UK because of swine flu, and that the low, low prices are a pretty much once in a lifetime opportunity to go sit on the beach in Mexico, visit the Mayan pyramids, etc., without paying thousands.

I don't think she was too impressed by DS singing 'Hurray, hurray it's a swine flu holiday' though.

She said she would be ashamed to tell her friends she's going to Mexico. I pointed out that you don't go on holiday to impress your friends and in any case there's a lower swine flu risk in Mexico than the UK.

But she isn't English and does worry more about 'face' than me. I guess she might feel uncomfortable telling people she was postponing their lunch date for a trip to swine-flu-land.

OP posts:

SomeGuy · 02/07/2009 23:10

Merrylegs it would be 14 nights from Monday or 14 nights from Wednesday. Makes no difference in that respect.

OP posts:

SomeGuy · 02/07/2009 23:11

Yes it does include taxes, and yes, under £200 for a (10 hour) flight to Mexico is an outstanding bargain.

OP posts:

hf128219 · 02/07/2009 23:11

You go early? Meet her there if she is so keen to see her friends?

ReneRusso · 02/07/2009 23:12

She is being unreasonable, sounds like she is feeling insecure about these friendships, like she is afraid of letting them down and it will damage the friendship.

hf128219 · 02/07/2009 23:14

Actually hang on a minute..... you will probably find that the flights have gone up twofold when you have been posting this.

LynetteScavo · 02/07/2009 23:15

As the flights are sooo cheap, go along with the Wednesday flight.

I'm actually begining to feel quite sorry for her being forced to go somewhere she doesn't want to.

I think she's worried about not being allowed back into the lunch club with her Mexican swine flu germs.

Starbear · 02/07/2009 23:16

Oh! be careful if she doesn't go on holiday happy she make your life a living hell. My friend wanted to go to Italy for her honeymoon her Dh to-be insisted on going to Mexico. We told him (family and friends) that she's isn't that good at travelling long distances. He ignored our sage advice and she fainted in the lobby of the hotel as they were booking in and broke her jaw in 15 places!!!! NOW don't say I didn't warn you!

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LynetteScavo · 02/07/2009 23:16

Or even worse ......they will talk about her when she's not there!

SomeGuy · 02/07/2009 23:17

That wouldn't work - she'd be delighted if I went two days early (saving her the hell of a flight with a 2 year old), but Monday's flights is from Bristol and Wednesday's is from East Midlands, both of which are ~2 hours from us, and you have to book returns, so she'd have to stay out there two day's longer also.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 02/07/2009 23:17

Erm, it does sound a bit as though you have simply ignored and overridden everything she has said about not wanting to go on this holiday, so she is digging her toes in now. I appreciate that you may be particularly exasperated with her, but you are sounding as though you think that she should just shut up and obey you because you have a willy and therefore Know Best.

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