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to be a bit peeved about this holiday being sprung on me?

(17 Posts)
hatesponge Wed 01-Jul-09 23:12:35

Background (for fear of stealth AIBU allegations!) Have 2 DCs. They split their time with me and their Dad.

He is, tbh, a bit of an arse. He was a god- awful partner, & there have been various issues since we split. However he has tried - as much as he can anyway - with the DC, and they generally enjoy spending time with him.

Anyway, at half term I took the DC away for a week. Told him well in advance, they are with me in the week & him at weekends - as we went midweek-midweek, he only missed out on 2 days with them. All ok.

tonight, DC come in after being dropped off (he picked them up from school) all excited, they are going to Mexico (of all places! hmm) in a fortnight - thereby missing the last 2 days of school which am a bit about for DS1 as he's in year 6 & so will miss his last ever day at primary school..

DC are so happy, they love going on hols, I don't want to burst their bubble but can't help feeling a bit irritated that

a) he booked it all without a word to me
b) he is taking them to bloody mexico
c) they will be gone for 2 weeks and I will miss them. I've never been away from them for longer than about 3 or 4 nights in their whole lives
d) DS1 will miss the end of school

I know I am probably BU, but surely I am allowed to be a bit unhappy about it?!

Portofino Wed 01-Jul-09 23:15:48

YANBU to be upset about it! He should have discussed it with you first especially as it means taking dcs out of school and surely in these kind of circumastances holiday plans should be talked about in advance.....

SomeGuy Thu 02-Jul-09 00:39:43

Mmm, Mexico. Sounds lovely.

I wouldn't worry about missing last two days of school at all, booking holidays is fiendishly difficult, and it's often much cheaper to go just a few days earlier.

I'm not entirely sure he's been all that bad, you say you told him you were taking children away, i.e. he didn't really have a say in the matter, I guess the same applies here. But it would be polite to inform you.

<<goes off to drool over cheap breaks in Mexico.>>

Cynthia32 Thu 02-Jul-09 00:43:13

SomeGuy - Mexico...swineflu...hello?

Cynthia32 Thu 02-Jul-09 00:43:34

(YANBU OP)

SomeGuy Thu 02-Jul-09 00:48:02

Ah yes, swine flu, it will be dirt cheap. Great.

Better not tell the other parents at DS' school though grin.

Seriously, the CDC have removed their notice on Swine Flu and travel to Mexico: wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/content/travel-health-precaution/novel-h1n1-flu-mexico.aspx

MummyDragon Thu 02-Jul-09 14:05:50

YANBU to feel this way.

Having slept on it, how do you feel today?

SomeGuy Thu 02-Jul-09 14:52:41

Well I enquired about Mexican swine flu, the risk is much worse in the UK, as the Mexicans contained it very effectively (albeit at great cost to their economy). Not only that, but there was never much risk except in Mexico City.

<<still looking for a deal to Mexico>>

MamaHobgoblin Thu 02-Jul-09 15:39:23

YANBU - It's surely something major enough to be worth discussing with you first?

And never mind Swine Flu (it's probably as 'dangerous' to be in some parts of Scotland at the moment! grin) but what about vaccinations? They'll definitely need some and 2 weeks is often not enough time to get them sorted (they may need to be staggered, or given time to develop immunity, etc). TBH, sounds like your ex-p is being childish and trying to impress them with a flash, suprise holiday he hasn't thought through.

SomeGuy Thu 02-Jul-09 22:25:08

Just want to say thanks to your exh. He has inspired me to book flights to Cancun for the princely sum of £180 each.

Hurrah for swine flu.

hatesponge Thu 02-Jul-09 22:37:59

Thanks for the replies - am glad not everyone thinks IABU!

Am probably more annoyed about it today than yesterday if anything - I hadn't thought about the vaccinations, DC have not been out of Europe (the hol to Spain was their first time on a plane) so have nothing other than the standard MMR etc. Does anyone know what they will need (or if 2 weeks is long enough?)

Have spoken to a couple of RL friends who have said that if they were me, they would refuse to let DC go, on grounds that its too far, too long, & he didnt ask me before he booked it.

Friends also said that because whilst we do share residence of the DC, its just agred informally & Ex doesnt have a legal agreement to back him up, I can - and should - just refuse.

I dont want to disappoint the DC. But I cant see why he couldnt have just taken them for a week (as I did) in Europe (ditto), which I honestly wouldnt have objected to...well not much anyway

MamaHG, you are spot on re the flash, slightly childish bit. I bought DS1 some new trainers this week (in a sale, for the princely sum of £7) Ex, not to be outdone, bought him a new mobile phone. Is at times like this I am reminded EXACTLY why he is my Ex!

MissSunny Fri 03-Jul-09 00:07:51

Message withdrawn

hopingalways Sat 04-Jul-09 11:22:23

YANBU to be upset about this, it is a big thing to spring on you.

Y would BU to refuse to allow your DCs to go because you feel upset, because you'll miss them, or because you feel generally put out. your dcs may feel that you are punishing them for a row with their dad and they will not see your point of view. all they will know is mum said no to what will in their minds be the bestest holiday they never had.

in your place I would have an adult word with xp, letting him know that you are ok with him taking them on hols but in future you would appreciate it if he would let you know first. For all he knew you could have booked a holiday to Disneyland as a surprise treat!

I wouldn't worry about the vaccinations, if they needed them they wouldn't be allowed on hte flights without proof they had them. and if they are in touristy areas they will be fine.

look forwards to 2 weeks on time to spoil yourself and catch up with your freinds!

MadameCastafiore Sat 04-Jul-09 11:25:57

Get used to them being away for longer than this - DD goes to her fathers for 3 weeks of the summer holidays - it is just life as a seperated parent.

As for the 2 days -it really won't matter to your DS - a sunny holiday with a pool will be better than anything a school will give for them finishing up at primary and although you will miss them you may find that you can fill the time and find something nice for yourself to do.

Surfermum Sat 04-Jul-09 12:39:19

Blimey, I can understand why you're annoyed for all the reasons you have listed. He definitely should have discussed it with you first, but I wonder if Someguy has a point and if you "told" him when you were going away whether he's just done the same - especially as he's how you describe him over the trainers/mobile phone thin g.

From their point of view though and his, it will be lovely for them to spend so much time together. It's horrible when you only have weekends, it isn't very much time at all.

But I can't agree with your friends. It's booked, they know about it and are excited, it really wouldn't be fair on them.

Can you arrange to do something really nice for you while they're away?

mowbraygirl Sat 04-Jul-09 15:34:49

I don't know if this will apply in this case but our DN's ex wife is taking the two DC's to Europe for her brother's wedding she has been told that she has to have a letter from him saying he agree's for them to go. Who has the DC's passports are they in date and it is at least 6 months before they are out of date? Mexico is very hot at this time of the year.

hatesponge Sat 04-Jul-09 22:58:51

Whilst I can see what everyone is saying, I'm still a bit about it all.

hoping - you are exactly right re DCs, if I didnt let them go, I know they would see it simply as me being awkward, and I dont want to be bad mummy. But equally I dont want Ex to think he can do as he pleases with the DC - and whilst I would love to have an adult word with him about it, he doesn't really do discussion - and in any event we are not speaking at present over another issue (him making DC stay at grandparents last weekend so he could go out with his new GF) so I suspect discussion wont be possible.

Ultimately I am probably going to cave in and let them go on this occasion, despite my misgivings. I'm worried tbh that if something happens to them they are SO far away - its not just like being in France or Spain for example.

Mowbraygirl- I have both DCs passports, which Im guessing Ex hasnt thought of. He will also need a letter from me as he doesnt have PR for either child & because he is not bio dad of DC1. Again Im sure he hasnt thought of that. This is the problem, he just doesnt think..........

am off to think calm thoughts, and try to convince myself that letting them go is the right thing to do

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