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worried about mum

(4 Posts)
mimismum13 Wed 01-Jul-09 18:50:33

My mum is nearly 60 and we are all very close. Over the past few years she's been gradually putting on more weight, is now several stone overweight and doesn't really look after herself. She puffs after running up stairs. Her typical day is drive to work where she works full time at a computer then drive home, dinner then plays on the computer or watches telly. She is really resistant to the idea of doing any exercise even going for a nice stroll in the sunshine on a Sunday afternoon instead preferring to potter around the house. She also smokes. I know my dad is worried but he's never really tries to persuade her to do anyting (anything for a quiet life!)even though he's very sporty. I've noticed recently she's getting colds and coughs that linger and I just really worry, am nearly crying as I type. I've tried so many (diplomatic)ways to suggest helping but she gets really defensive and peed off with me. I want her to around for my 3 dc. What can I do? She just says, "I know..." in a defeatist way and then I feel I need to back off. AIBU to worry and want to maybe 'push' her into taking stock???

Seabright Wed 01-Jul-09 18:59:53

YANBU to worry, but you don't want to sour a relationship by getting her annoyed. You can't win really.

She must know there's a problem.

Are you, or anyone else in the family overweight? If so, would she go for a joint-diet? She might not feel so alone.

How are her finances? If she used Alli (not too cheap) she'd stop digesting so much fat & hopefully not gain more weight.

mimismum13 Wed 01-Jul-09 19:08:45

No one else is overweight but I know I'm pretty unfit, I suggested going to an exercise class or swimming with her and it was excuse after really at a loss. Wondering if the guilt trip thing might be the only thing to work

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Wed 01-Jul-09 20:03:07

Ah, you really have to tred very carefully here. I understand why you are worried, but at the end of the day she is a grown woman and has to make her own decisions. You can tell her that she is putting her health at risk, she wont listen, you can tell her it upsets you, she wont listen, you can tell her she wont be around for her gc, she wont listen. How do i know this? My dad, he developed dementia due to thickening of the arteries - smoking. He spent the last three years of his life like a vegetable when he was otherwise physically fit. My mum looked after him for as long as she could then watched him waste away in an old peoples home. He died from lung cancer - smoking. I detest smoking as you can imagine.

Ive tried all of the above messages to get her to stop, she wont, she just gets upset - so i don't say anything anymore. I refuse to buy her cigarrettes and thats as far as it goes.

What you could do is suggest that she comes to a fitness class with you, that you dcn't want to go alone etc, but you may have stuffed that one already offering to go with her.

I sympathise i really do, but there is very little you can do with these stubborn old bints elderly ladies.

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