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to be very frank with dd WWYD?

(22 Posts)
petitmaman Wed 01-Jul-09 12:41:18

DD (7) has taken up a hobby that had turned out to be a lot more expensive than 1st thought but she loves it. and i know she would give up anything else to carry on doing it. So dh and i have decided to let her carry on with it but she will have to have small xmas presents, all hand me down clothes (which we do any way but were just about in a position to get more new stuff), v small birthday treat etc. that is fine but do we sit her down and explain all that or do we just wait and see if she actually notices and say something then? just worried if we wait it will just sound like an excuse for her notbeing able to do stuff etc? WWYD?

posieparker Wed 01-Jul-09 12:42:28

What's the hobby?

dmo Wed 01-Jul-09 12:44:39

dont think she would notice to be fair re clothes etc but nearer to christmas just say you cant send as much money as normally to santa because you have to pay for her hobby

BoysAreLikeDogs Wed 01-Jul-09 12:45:12

Well 7 is old enough to understand that if you want to do A then you cannot have B

(Bet it's pony club)

edam Wed 01-Jul-09 12:45:19

I'd explain to her that her music lessons or dance or whatever it is are very expensive and it means you will have to spend less on the other stuff.

Are you normally lavish at Christmas and birthdays? Does she ask for very expensive presents?

lljkk Wed 01-Jul-09 12:45:51

I would explain to her; she's old enough to learn that there are trade-offs in life.

OhYouBadBadKitten Wed 01-Jul-09 12:46:34

horse riding?
plane flying?
Kite surfing?

dd horse rides. She knows this affects our ability to go on big holidays, buy nice things etc. Its part of the reality of making choices of what you do with your money.

TrillianAstrahasaJOB Wed 01-Jul-09 12:46:38

Speak to her about it. Say that you only have so much money and it can either be spent on X or on Y, but that you want her to have some say in how it is spent.

And I want to knwo what the hobby is too. Horses?

willali Wed 01-Jul-09 12:48:22

Absolutely - I think it is really important for children to realise they are not entitled to everything they want and that there are trade offs to be made in the family budget. I often deny my children things they ask for not because I can't actually afford them but just to make them realise that they can't have everything - so I say no it's too expensive / you've just had x last month / it's your birthday soon etc etc.

SO i would sit her down and say we are really pleased that you love doing (your hobby)and Daddy and I are working very hard to allow you to carry it on but it does mean that we may not be able to enjoy as many treats in future

muddleduck Wed 01-Jul-09 12:49:07

Let her choose.

Each year she gets to decide whether she wants this hobby as her main xmas/birthday present. Then it is entirely up to her.

My parents did this for me. If I wanted to go horse riding I had money for my birthdays to pay for it. I chose riding for 1 birthday and then got bored grin

TrillianAstrahasaJOB Wed 01-Jul-09 12:49:21

X-posted with loads of people

katiestar Wed 01-Jul-09 12:50:25

Please please tell us what the hobby is !!!

petitmaman Wed 01-Jul-09 12:54:18

Boys are like dogs how did you guess?!
we are not usually lavish (£25-£40 usually spent. One present plus stocking at x mas) and she doesm't ask for stuff at all. if you ask her what she wants she usually says 'oh a book or something'. its more that she wants to try every activity under the sun which i understand but if she carries on with pc. it will be that, brownies, and swimmng for 1 more year as i think it is important. tbh i think that that is more than enough just didn't know whether to talk to her about it but i think i will. thanks.

Overmydeadbody Wed 01-Jul-09 12:57:39

I think definately explain the situation to her, and let her know that if she wants to carry on with pony club she will have to forego other tinhfs.

Children are never too young to start learingn about budgeting and priorotising.

babyicebean Wed 01-Jul-09 13:01:51


CMOTdibbler Wed 01-Jul-09 13:04:11

I think its absolutely right to tell her that pony club costs x, and that you have a budget of y for her to do stuff a year. Therefore, if she does pc you will only be able to spend z on Christmas/parties etc.

I certainly understood at that age what my parents could and couldn't afford, and it stood me in good stead later as I knew about budgeting and making choices on what to spend on

ElenorRigby Wed 01-Jul-09 13:10:57

Definately explain to her. We have had to explain to DSD that we cannot afford holidays and other stuff. I think children need to know that parents are not a bottomless pit of money.

BarbaraWoodlouse Wed 01-Jul-09 13:11:28

Agree re the presents/parties. But I wouldn't say anything about the clothes. Hand me downs are fine anyway and no need to make her think she's losing out on some sort of automatic right to new clothes.

MissSunny Wed 01-Jul-09 13:13:45

Message withdrawn

petitmaman Wed 01-Jul-09 13:17:10

Good point Barbara w. thanks. prob wouldn't limit xmas more from us but grandparents usually spend £50 ish and what has happened occasionally before was that they have bought new riding hat and then v small xmas present for example. Just thinking of that kind of thing really.

seeker Wed 01-Jul-09 13:19:56

Pony Club sessions to very in price from center to centre - ours is 10 pounds, but I know that there's another one not far away that's 17 pounds. So it's worth checking.

petitmaman Wed 01-Jul-09 13:30:57

ours is the nearest by along way. itis £10 for a rally but just forked out £50 for annual subscription and £70 for camp. plus about 6 rallies over the summer hols. seems a lot really but prob just coz it is all in one go. but what are the annual subscriptions for if you have to pay for everything individually ? they bring their own ponies fgs! rant over. its pony club....what do i expect.

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