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Letting DS2 stay off nursery?

(9 Posts)
debs40 Wed 01-Jul-09 11:05:11

DS2 is 3 and a half. He has been going to the same nursery for about a year and a half. It is lovely and he generally enjoys it. He has the odd moan about going because he wants to stay at home but always has a good time when he is persuaded to go.

I work freelance while I'm completing a PhD and he goes three days a week - 9.30 to 4. Even that doesn't really give me the time I need but I like my days off with him.

This Monday he cried when I dropped him off which isn't like him. Today, he moaned about nursery when he woke up and then whinged all the way to school and back. He told me he just wanted to stay at home with me and even if I was working he would just play or watch tv sad.

I encouraged, cajoled, promised a half day, to take toys in, etc etc. He was crying his eyes out when we got home from dropping DS1 off (we pick up the car to take him to nursery after dropping DS1 off at school).

I decided not to take him in as I couldn't see how I could get him in the car without screaming.

Nursery were great and thought I'd done the right thing but said I'd made it harder for next time. I understand this but what could I do?

DH works miles away and can't help. He wasn't even contactable on the phone this morning so I had no one to chat it through with.

I don't want a battle about this every nursery morning. DS1 is 6 and is being assesed for possible Aspergers so mornings can be quite fraught unless we have systems in place. I'd just got DS1 settled into a routine and now DS2 starts!


muddleduck Wed 01-Jul-09 11:11:32

Do you know why he is so reluctant to go?
Is it a recent thing?

roulade Wed 01-Jul-09 11:19:09

Maybe he's coming down with something? My Ds loves nursery but will get upset if he's feeling under the weather.

debs40 Wed 01-Jul-09 11:34:25

Only this week. He says it occasionally but is usually easily distracted. He says he just wanted to be at home with me and is shy and nervous ....mmmm.. he says with his feet up and a lolly watching tv!

MissSunny Wed 01-Jul-09 11:34:33

Message withdrawn

debs40 Wed 01-Jul-09 11:47:27

Miss sunny, I understand what you say which is why I am worried but my 3 year old doesn't scream all the time as you suggest most three year olds do! I have to say my eldest never did either.

I have seen parents shove/pindown children in to prams, carseats and trolleys holding them in place their while the child screams hysterically. I don't do that and have never had cause to want to, particularly when it comes on the back of him getting so upset about going somewhere. I'm not starting that now.

So yes, I could have pinned him in his seat while he screamed his head off and taken him screaming and dumped him at nursery's door. That would teach him something I suppose (I'm not sure what) but maybe he is coming down with something or just needed a break. He has been snotty.

I'll build it up gradually for Monday when I've got more time to work out a strategy that doesn't involve pinning a screaming child in a car seat. I thought I'd try and make today as boring as possible for a start!

MummyDragon Wed 01-Jul-09 17:42:39

Do you think he could be picking up on the (undoubted) stress that your DS1's potential Asperger's diagnosis is causing you ...?

If that is the case, I should think that sticking to the routing of going to nursery is going to be very important for your DS2.

Just stay calm and reasonable, as you have already been doing. YANBU but do try to take him to nursery for his next session; some children definitely do go through phases of not wanting to go to nursery for a few days/weeks/months(!) - mine did, and they were fine again afterwards smile

MummyDragon Wed 01-Jul-09 17:43:12

sorry, I meant routine, not routing

debs40 Wed 01-Jul-09 19:40:55


Thanks. It turns out he has an ear infection. He is prone to these things and is under ENT for reviews as he has middle ear fluid and they need to make sure his hearing isn't being affected.

You just never know with toddlers do you? I just got the feeling it was wrong to send him and he was pretty grumpy all morning. Then he told me he had 'gunky ears' which is what he says for his ear infections. Took him to the doctor and that was that!

Thanks Mummydragon - you're right. We have a plan worked out for the next session just in case but I think his ears were obviously making him feel 'homey'.

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