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to want people to congratulate me on finding out DC2's gender instead of...

(57 Posts)
angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:17:50

asking if I am going to go for a third??? I know people have complained about this before but I am feeling so annoyed. Found out yesterday that DC2 is going to be a boy. Already have the cutest, most adorable DS1 ever (I know, I know, I am his mum afterall! grin) and am pleased that we will have two boys so close in age (20 months). Pregnancy first time was a nightmare involving high risk nuchal, two CVS tests, heart scans, growth scans, you named it, we had it. So for us to end up with a very healthy and happy DS, we know we are very lucky! So far, this pregnancy looks healthy and non-problematic so far and as long as the bubba is healthy, I couldn't care less about the gender.

DH and I only ever want two. Yes, would be nice to have a girl but personally for me, it would be nicer to have two of the same gender. DH and I both have siblings of opposite gender and 4/5 years gap so never felt very close to them. In fact, I have female cousins I grow up with that I consider my 'sisters' and god knows how much I wished they were my real sisters growing up!

So it really annoys me when we told the inlaws yesterday after the scan about the news, and said how pleased I was to be having two boys who will (hopefully) be close and play together. MIL's reactions ranged from 'oh, how are you going to cope with two boys?' and when I said it would be nice for DS1 to have a brother to play with, she said 'oh, a girl would play with DS1 too! And they fight over toys too blah blah blah!' It just gets my goat up as inlaws are the sort to believe their way is ALWAYS the right way. MIL is always going on about how lucky she is to have one of each. Argh, I just want to grab her and shake her and say sarcastically to her 'and look how close they are to each other now...' BUT I CAN'T!

Of course, then there's the reactions that go 'you must try for a third for a girl!' Or that pitying 'don't you want a mini-me?' Uh, not exactly, one me is enough, thanks! I do love my boy and would be very lucky to have two of them! Help me come up with the right retorts to these comments! I can see myself facing years of this ahead of me... (and yes, please tell me nice stories of having two boys close in age!) grin grin grin

Rant over...

2rebecca Tue 30-Jun-09 22:23:19

They sound unreasonable, although I'm not sure why you felt you needed congratuating for finding out a foetus's gender, surely finding out it is healthy is what you should be congratulated on, knowing the gender is a bit irrelevent. I don't get the ideal family = 1 boy and 1 girl thing.

Jacksmama Tue 30-Jun-09 22:25:41

YANBU. People say the stupidest things.

Honestly, there should be a "talker's permit" for talking to expecting mums. Sort of like a driving license. If you haven't passed your test, you shouldn't be allowed to talk to a pregnant woman.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

MrsTittleMouse Tue 30-Jun-09 22:27:10

You get this with two girls too. DH's work collegues asked us if we were going to have a third to "go for the boy" when DD2 was only a month old! DH in particular got the "are you OK with that?" comments as people assumed that he would want a boy, so I suppose that it makes sense that they would assume that you would want a girl, as a Mum. I think that it's weird, personally. It isn't the law that you have to have one of each!

mrspooh Tue 30-Jun-09 22:27:10

i have a 6 mth old ds and am 4 mths pregnant with no2!! 50 wks between them. cant wait to find out the sex at the scan in 3 wks. loke you i had a rough time last yr and finding out sex was really imp to us, never thought i'd want to but it was v special. i would like another boy, dh would like a girl but dont care as long as its healthy... although would like a 3rd in 2 yrs!!

angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:27:41

I don't need the congratulations on gender (sorry, title was probably a bit misleading!) but I guess what I meant is I rather people congratulate me on it instead of treating it like it's second prize to get another one of the same gender!

thehairybabysmum Tue 30-Jun-09 22:28:42

My two are 22 months apart and ds2 is now 21 months. They are fab!!

I do want a third and im sure some think its because i want a girl. I actually just want another, coujldnt care which.

screamingabdab Tue 30-Jun-09 22:29:08

I share your grrrr. I also have two boys. It's really great. I am very proud of them, in their very different personalities. We do lots of cool stuff together as well

As for a retort : "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

Tidey Tue 30-Jun-09 22:32:01

I was told on a few occasions after finding out DC2 was a girl that it was good news because then I wouldn't need to have any more, as I already had a DS. hmm

Do people really think that if you have two of the same sex, the only reason you'd have another baby is try for the other sex?? There are truly some barmy people around.

PacificDogwood Tue 30-Jun-09 22:32:51

YANBU.

One old crone lady offered me her condolences (!) when I was out walking with brand new DS3 in his pram!!

I tend to reply to "oh, another boy...! with "yes, isn't it great!".
I shudder to think what reaction might be if we do go for DC4 and it turns out to be a boy...grin. I love my mad pack of boys!

And congratulations to you!!smile

angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:33:04

Thanks for congrats! I am really looking forward to it. Part of me does feel the tiniest bit of pity that DH and I will never know what a little girl made of us two will look like but that's rather selfish of us I think (if that's the only reason!). I just think it would be nice for DS to have a brother to grow up with.

I do know of couples who have two of the same and are contemplating or pregnant with the third hoping for a different gender. I think if you feel that strongly about it, then go for it. Different strokes for different folks and all. But I don't feel that way at all so it's just weird people assume I would want a 'mini-me' (the horrors!)...

angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:34:37

Oh yes, and thanks for lovely stories of two brothers close in age, exactly what I want to hear (though I know I am just as likely to end up with two warring boys! hmm LOL!).

PacificDogwood Tue 30-Jun-09 22:35:14

Oh, and my DS1 and DS2 are 1 year apart and much as the first couple of years were tough, they are great play mates to each other when they are not trying to kill each other wink.

StayFrosty Tue 30-Jun-09 22:35:46

yanbu.

Congratulations btw!

5inthebed Tue 30-Jun-09 22:38:35

I have 3 DS, the youngest is 7 months, and I get the whole "are you going to try for a girl" question all the time, often by the same people. My answer was no the first time, it isn't likely to change!

YANBU in the slightest, and congratulations smile

littleboyblue Tue 30-Jun-09 22:41:32

YANBU. When I found out I was pregnant with dc2, I hoped it would be another boy. There is 18 months between my 2 and I wanted them to be the same sex. Yes, a girl would be nice, but don't think I'd really know what to do with a girl iyswim. I also don't see myself as a mum to girls, I always see 3 boys (although no plans to have any more. ever.)
As for babies being close in age, mine are now 22 months and 4 months and we are already seeing a very sweet little bond between them. Sometimes, ds1 sits infront of ds2's bouncy chair and they just starte at each other laughing freaks grin

Congratulations.

littleboyblue Tue 30-Jun-09 22:42:21

Meant to add, my aunt actually said "oh dear. Nevermind, there's always next time...." when I told her dc2 was a boy

angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:44:41

The thing is surely it doesn't take much for a little sensitivity. If people tell me they are expecting a boy after having a girl, I always say 'that's great, you will have one of each...' Or if they tell me they are having a boy after a boy (or girl after girl), I tell them I think it's nice for the kids to have each other to grow up with. And I do mean it, I can see the pros and cons of having different mix of gender/age gaps. I also realise that having a particular combination of any sort DOESN'T guarantee happiness either! Who can't people see that????? It's not as if you can decide beforehand what you want... hmm

Jojay Tue 30-Jun-09 22:48:19

YANBU - but don't rule out no 3 at this stage. I was adamant that we were stopping at two at every stage, until DS2 got to about 4 months and I was hit by a wave of broodiness that hasn't gone yet.

So never say never.

But my boys are adorable. 2.7 and 8 mths now and truly scrumptious grin

angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:48:27

Lovely littleboyblue, your two little boys sound really special. envy Fingers crossed my two will have a bond of sorts! LOL! I am kinda like you, I don't see myself as a mum to a girl... I've never been a girly girl and in fact, whenever I talk to DH, I always feel in some ways, boys seem to breeze through puberty somewhat what I know most girls didn't have a great time in puberty... I just don't think I can bear pink princesses, makeup and all that. Mind you, not saying I won't have to go through all that with two boys! LOL!

bleh Tue 30-Jun-09 22:50:11

YANBU. People are crazy.

My two DBs get on very well, whereas being younger and a different sex meant that I didn't really get on with them, and I barely speak to them now (not out of spite, we just don't have anything to talk about). My friend has two DSs, the older is 25 months and the younger is about 5 months (so the same difference as yours will be) and they are absolutely gorgeous together. The older one is very proud of his little bro, "helps out" by wiping the drool, gives him hugs and kisses. It is very sweet to see them together.

Congratulations!

angel1976 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:50:19

Jojay - If DS1 is anything to go by, I will be lucky to just about survive having two... wink

littleboyblue Tue 30-Jun-09 22:51:35

My ds1 has spent most of today trying to walk around with my shoes on hmm very funny though

monkeyfacegrace Tue 30-Jun-09 22:56:17

I have the 'perfect' family, one of each, and its a pain in the arse. As a result, we are going to have to move as we only have two bedrooms, and my poor son has to deal with pink hand-me-down prams and bouncers! (I drew the line at clothes though grin

Niecie Tue 30-Jun-09 22:57:36

I have two boys, not that close in age though, and I have no burning desire for a girl. I wouldn't have minded but it has all worked out just fine with 2 boys and on the whole, they are great mates.

I think if somebody said to me 'how are you going to cope with two boys' I would say something like, 'I don't know but it could be so much worse, I could have had 2 girls!!'

You don't have to mean it, of course but it would take the wind out of their sails (I know, I tried itwink).

People tend to assume that boys are difficult but they aren't any more difficult than girls and they have the added advantage that they are likely to be interested in boy things and you can palm them off leave them with DH to do boy things together and have some time to yourself.smile

Thankfully, the only person really disappointed that I was having another boy was my MIL. To be fair to her she did have 3 boys and DS2 was her 4th grandson so she was allowed to be a little wistful about it. However, even she wouldn't advocate having a 3rd child to try for a girl as that is what she did and ended up with her DS3. (She has a granddaughter now btw - DH's brother adopted a girl and a boy although the girl is a real tomboy so no girly stuff for MIL even now)smile

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