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to think that being "sexual" in front of dc is wrong

(34 Posts)
happydaisy Mon 29-Jun-09 11:51:03

Picture this scene. I'm getting dressed and DH turns to DS (8) and says, "hasn't Mummy got a lovely body". I throw him a "stop talking like that in front of the kids" look and he says "no, I'm not being like that, I just think you have". On the one hand, lovely comment, on the other hand, odd that he should be asking the question of DS. Should I be concerned??

Lizzylou Mon 29-Jun-09 11:52:27

Saying you have a lovely body isn't being sexual though

If he'd said "Phhhwoooaaar, look at your sexy Mom" then I'd see your point.

envy of your lovely body.

McSnail Mon 29-Jun-09 11:52:30

Well, I would feel a bit squeamish too. But I'm a bit funny like that - even if he said it in private I'd probably wince a tiny bit.

MamaLazarou Mon 29-Jun-09 11:52:58

I don't think it is necessarily 'sexual' to point out that you have a lovely body. It is a lovely thing for your DH to say, and good for your son to hear.

sleepycat Mon 29-Jun-09 11:55:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stillstanding Mon 29-Jun-09 11:57:03

I do think it depends on what and how he said it. It doesn't sound to me that it was too sexual but I agree that I would have been a bit more comfortable with "isn't mummy beautiful?" rather than an express reference to my body.

But ultimately I think one of the most wonderful gifts a father can give his children is to show them how much he loves their mother. Loved-up parents are really beautiful!

Othersideofthechannel Mon 29-Jun-09 11:57:47

As long as he also says 'Hasn't Mummy got a great sense of humour' or 'Isn't Mummy intelligent' from time to time!

McSnail, you wouldn't like your DH to say that in private sad

happydaisy Mon 29-Jun-09 11:59:46

oh, I long for the days when I wanted to rip his clothes off, sleepycat, if I could remember that far back! I now feel confirmed as a prude in my own house!!

Curiousmama Mon 29-Jun-09 12:01:13

If it bothers you that much why are you changing in front of your 8 year old?
My dss are 8 and 11 and I have no qualms about nudity but am covering up more now as ds1 is going through puberty. DS2 has grabbed my boobs before (whilst dressed) and I've told him not to. He said 'but I love them'. I just made him see it isn't appropriate.

I think you just have to work out your boundaries.

McSnail Mon 29-Jun-09 12:01:24

Otherside - that's not really what I meant. I find it quite hard to take certain things seriously... hard to explain, really.

sleepycat Mon 29-Jun-09 12:05:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadow Mon 29-Jun-09 12:09:59

If my dh came home simmering in tree dust, I would need to zizzle down a bit...

hmmmmm the smell of fresh sawddust.... ommm nom nom!

QuintessentialShadow Mon 29-Jun-09 12:10:22

oh gawd, did I type that out loud?

MamaLazarou Mon 29-Jun-09 12:11:27

You only said what the rest of us were thinking, Quintessential.

sleepycat Mon 29-Jun-09 12:13:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ABetaDad Mon 29-Jun-09 12:14:46

Well our DS1 (age 9) and DS2 (7) saw us kissing very discretely on the train the other day and gave us such a stern hmm look and said:

"Stop it Mummy and Daddy, its just embarrasing!".

Now we feel like teenagers having to sneak around and have a kiss and hug when they are not looking. I know exactly where you are coming form sleepycat.

DW will not be nude at all in front of them now but obviously with me it is OK for them to see me nude. Nothing more than kissing between me and DW when they are around.

Yes I do compliment DW in front of DSs and say something along the lines of "Doesn't Mummy look beautiful in her new dress?" They join in - which DW likes.

happydaisy Mon 29-Jun-09 12:14:51

tree dust would remind me of rabbit hutches! - I'm really not getting this, am I?

Makes a change from last Monday when you thought he was being abusive hmm

(To op)

ShowOfHands Mon 29-Jun-09 12:16:43

roffle at ommm nom nom but quietly agree nonetheless.

When I met DH his siblings were 10, 12 and 13. MIL and FIL were always slapping each other on the bottom, having a quick squeeze or being openly complimentary about the other's bodies when BILs and SIL were around. I found it utterly, utterly weird at first. But you know what, they've all grown up to be open and complimentary and demonstrative and I agree that parents who unreservedly love and compliment each other can only be a good thing.

OrmIrian Mon 29-Jun-09 12:16:47

That isn't sexual. I think that sexual behaviour in front of others is partly a problem because it excludes them. He was asking your son for his opinion which is different. I'm not sure how my DS would respond to that mind you hmm

posieparker Mon 29-Jun-09 12:17:10

My Dh is the same and tries to have a 'quickie', which is slang for he has a fast and lovely time and I'm left wanting and a little used, when the dcs are still awake. I am definitely not in 'sex' mode until all are asleep and I can feel like MrsX again and not the worlds Mummy.

sleepycat Mon 29-Jun-09 12:18:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsdisorganised Mon 29-Jun-09 12:20:35

I don't think thats a 'sexual' comment, and in todays world it's good for dc's to see open appreciation of normal beautiful bodies, and not some skinny picture in magazines! Lucky

By the way would prefer saw dust shavings anytime to the smell of my dh when he comes in from stalking (strong bloody scent of deer)!!!! Enjoygrin

weebump Mon 29-Jun-09 12:25:02

I don't think he was being very sexual by remarking on your beautiful body. It's similar to saying "beautiful hair", beautiful dress", "beautiful smile". I'm sure your ds picked up on your reaction though, and might figure out that you don't think it's the same.

Isn't it much better than being put down by your dh in front of your children? My Bro-in-law does that ALL the time, saying my sis is fat etc. He does it as a joke, but then their sons say it to her too hmm.

ABetaDad Mon 29-Jun-09 12:28:40

posieparker/sleepycat - yes, we feel the same. Having a bolt fitted to bedroom door very soon for this reason and mainly out of consideration for their feelings.

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