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For thinking that DP is being selfish, or AM I greedy?

(35 Posts)
MrsThriller Sun 28-Jun-09 18:35:46

DP used to be a massive over-eater, in the end he had to have surgery to lose the weight he put on. Now he can only eat small portions of food in one go.

What annoys me is the way he seems to think everyone else should do this too. For instance, he keeps making subtle digs at my weight and "suggests" dieting. He insists on cooking every meal (he always has) and he makes mine a really small portion and says "that will be enough for you, won't it?"

Afterwards he will say "you won't want anything for afters, will you?"

Me and DD love Indian take-aways but only get one once every few months. We like to get a curry and rice each with a few popadoms. DP always says "I won't have one ... I'll just have some off each of your plates".

DD always kicks off and says she doesn't want him taking it off her plate and TBH, I don't either! we're treating ourselves to a rare treat, just because he can't eat much, why should we have to lose ours too?

He now says we're being "greedy" wanting a whole curry to ourselves. 1 curry - 1 portion, surely?

I'm sick of him being all self-rightious all of a sudden when if anything, he's the greediest one of us all. For instance, we can't save any chocolate in the cupboards as DP eats it when we're not around. All of the orange juice goes straight away as he drinks it all .. yet we're "greedy" for wanting a meal to ourselves now and again?

So is it him or are we being "greedy"?

TrillianAstrahasaJOB Sun 28-Jun-09 18:37:38

It sounds like the surgery might helped him lose weight but it hasn't helped him have a very healthy attitude to eating.

Nancy66 Sun 28-Jun-09 18:38:40

Has he got a gastric band?

Are you overweight?

letsgostrawberrypicking Sun 28-Jun-09 18:39:17

yanbu he sounds really annoying!Maybe if HE wasnt so greedy in the first place he wouldnt of needed surgery

bigchris Sun 28-Jun-09 18:43:32

well given his history its understandable he's paranoid but i'd tell him to lighten up

StopSittingOnTheBabyPlease Sun 28-Jun-09 18:45:57

Are you a healthy weight?

Maybe he's worried you'll end up where he was, but just has a really bad way of expressing it?

MarmadukeScarlet Sun 28-Jun-09 18:46:22

I have a pretty big appetite and I cannot eat 1 curry and 1 rice myself. I always split it and freeze the overs as DH hates curry (even the smell I only get one when he is away).

Give him a few spoonfulls out of each rice and curry, no need for him to take any from your plate.

TrillianAstrahasaJOB Sun 28-Jun-09 18:50:11

Curry is better when you share anyway - if there are 3 of you get 3 types, give yourself and DD a good portion of each, him a teeny tiny portion, and put the remainder (a smallish but not tiny potion) in the fridge for lunch.

Madmentalbint Sun 28-Jun-09 19:04:49

Cold curry for breakfast....yummy!

What about sharing your curry with your DH and ordering one or two extra side dishes (vegetable curry, bombay potatoes etc.) to make sure there is plenty to go around.

DH and I usually share 1 curry, 1 rice, 2 poppadoms, 1 naan and 1 sag aloo/vegetable curry. That is plenty for me!

I must admit, I'd find his attitude irritating too, and wouldn't be too chuffed at having my portion reduced. I don't mind sharing, as long as it is because I want to, not because someone says I have to.

Longtalljosie Sun 28-Jun-09 19:08:46

Why are you all asking if the OP is overweight? It has nothing to do with anything. A curry every few months is a treat - very annoying to have someone refusing to order their own and then seagull from your plate. And his comments bespeak a very unhealthy attitude to food, as others have said. Tell him to keep it to himself. He may have food issues, but he doesn't have to spread them.

StopSittingOnTheBabyPlease Mon 29-Jun-09 11:44:18

Of course her weight is relevant. One of the questions is, is she being unreasable to be annoyed that someone who loves her is suggesting she goes on a diet, suggesting she has smaller portions, suggesting she doesn't have pudding?

If she's a size 8 then no, NBU, but if she's a size 18/20 and beyond then yes, she IBU.

Not taking away from the the fact that he does seem to be hamfisted in how he's saying it.

Stigaloid Mon 29-Jun-09 11:52:30

YANBU but I always find that 1 curry portion is for 2 people. They are usually very large - even the single rice portions is way more than an individual; serving (which should be 3 dessert spoons of rice max). We eat way too much these days and portion control is important.

That being said, if you fancy having a blow out and it is your treat then say to him he can order something himself and you will save what he doesn't eat and it can be for left overs for lunch the next day.

As for telling you how much you can eat - sounds very controlling to me and i would tell him that as an adult and mother you are perfectly able to make up your own mind and do not need someone else dictating to them what and how much they can eat. Why not tell him to sit down and you will cook dinner for once. If he can't handle it tell him he needs to think about his control issues and maybe speak to someone about it as it does not sound healthy (slightly obsessive).

PricklyVelvet Mon 29-Jun-09 11:54:47

i think if he was my other half i might bash him on the you are not greedy!!! he sounds like he has an unhealthy obsession with food...

MamaLazarou Mon 29-Jun-09 11:56:20

Mmm, this thread made me go and get my leftover lamb tikka masala from the fridge!

Perhaps the OP could suggest to the DH that he should just order a starter? It's not unreasonable to want a whole curry to yourself (though I can never eat the whole thing and I have quite a big appetite).

DrunkenDaisy Mon 29-Jun-09 12:01:31

Are you guys bonkers??

I don't think i've ever not been able to finish a curry. In fact me and DH often get more side dishes to share on top of our own curry.

Btw, I'm not skinny but i'm certainly not fat - never been bigger than a size 12.

i'd have a fit if someone laid into my curry. YANBU, tell him to take a hike.

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 29-Jun-09 12:14:16

Message withdrawn

DrunkenDaisy Mon 29-Jun-09 12:19:00

There's only one of me. Don't know the others.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 29-Jun-09 12:20:09

Is he the one who is horrible to his DD or are you someone else?

If someone else - YANBU but should just dish him up a bit of each on his plate, curry portions are massive and you can spare a little if he can't eat much. But if he is the former then you should smack him upside his head (metaphorically) because he is an arsehole.

SouthMum Mon 29-Jun-09 13:01:07

YANBU - My Dad used to do this and it irritated the fanny off me. His reason was that me and Mum never ate it all anyway (usually because we had been put off by his constant staring at our plates).

Its like the social smoker who never buys their own fags and just bums them off you all night because "they don't actually smoke" - no need for it and they kid themselves that because they haven't bought a pack they don't smoke. Like the fat heffer who doesn't order their own food but steals from others because stolen calories don't count somehow.

I would order an extra curry and rice in future so he can have some - whatever you don't eat stick in the fridge.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Mon 29-Jun-09 13:02:05

Message withdrawn

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Mon 29-Jun-09 13:03:52

Message withdrawn

AMumInScotland Mon 29-Jun-09 13:19:09

Is there anything about this man that you do like? I rather hoped you'd get bored after that last thread that got deleted...

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Mon 29-Jun-09 13:23:19

Message withdrawn

doggiesayswoof Mon 29-Jun-09 13:30:14

I'm hardly even on MN these days, and my first thought was "her again"

coppertop Mon 29-Jun-09 13:35:13

Why on earth do you keep posting these bizarre stories? Don't you ever get bored of trotting out variations of the same rubbish?

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