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In thinking BFing baby in a baby change with a queue outside the door is selfish and a bit mingin'.

(155 Posts)
Confuzzeled Sun 28-Jun-09 16:07:42

Went to a busy garden center today, dd had a poo. All the toilets had queues, even the disabled loo.

Stood in the queue for the baby change for about ten minutes, Mummy's and kiddies going in and out pretty quick. The couple in front of me had a girl about 4 months old (can't be sure but she was holding her head up strongly and was quite big).

They went into the baby change and after about 5 minutes the woman behind me told me to knock on the door. I said to wait another couple of minutes as it could've been a messy one. So another 5 minutes later the woman behind me tells me to knock on the door again, I was just thinking about doing it anyway. So I knock on the door and shout "Is everything okay?".

There was no answer so I knocked again. Still no answer so the woman behind me pushes past and hammers on the door, she shouts "Can you hurry up, there's a queue out here".

There's no answer so the woman grabs a passing member of staff who knocks then unlocks the door. I can see the woman sitting on the baby change counter feeding her baby while the man is sitting on the child toilet. The staff member just asks them if they are okay, closes the door and locks it again. The woman behind me is furious and hammers on the door shouting "This is a toilet not a bloody feeding room". Then she stands behind me as the couple come out. The mum who was feeding glowers at my dd and says "She should be using a toilet by now anyway". I say "What? She's 2" and because I'm annoyed that she's picked on my dd I say "Feeding your baby in a toilet is disgusting and bloody selfish". Then I slam the door before she can reply.

I change dd at light speed and head out, the couple are looking at cards right outside the door to the toilets and she calls me a twat when I walk past. I make a show of covering dd's ears and say loudly "Don't you dare swear in front of my daughter". Everyone looked at her in a very disapproving way.

So while I'm a huge advocate for bfing, having bf my dd until she stopped herself and will bf my ds thats due in August, I honestly think it's selfish to bf a baby in a busy baby change.

IkeaCatalogue Sun 28-Jun-09 16:08:57


bronze Sun 28-Jun-09 16:10:00

Maybe she had been told to by a member of staff.

bronze Sun 28-Jun-09 16:10:29

Ikea is that out of 5 or 10?

sagacious Sun 28-Jun-09 16:11:36

Tis an old old MN joke bronze

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot Sun 28-Jun-09 16:12:20

ANother 4 here

So many people thinki we hsouldnt feed in public, now we cant feed in changing rooms?

AIBU to think I may as well just wop em out whereever I am coz I'll get grief anyway?


Lulumama Sun 28-Jun-09 16:13:31

everyone involved sounds mean spirited and bad tempered

she might not have wanted to BF in public

the staff member should not have let himself in

you should not have told her off

she should not have called you a twat

the other woman should not have hammered on the door

shit happens, queues happen, life is too , too short to get so worked up

IkeaCatalogue Sun 28-Jun-09 16:14:52

Lulu you are truly the voice of reason


Upwind Sun 28-Jun-09 16:15:44

fail to see the problem, will happilly change nappies on my knee

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Sun 28-Jun-09 16:17:06

Message withdrawn

bronze Sun 28-Jun-09 16:17:58

sagacious- I just hate the immediate calls. People on here rarely just give ops the benefit of the doubt. Its got worse and worse recently (have been here 6 years so am sort of used to mn ways)

Lulumama Sun 28-Jun-09 16:18:25




burningupinspeed Sun 28-Jun-09 16:21:22

Cor what a nasty bunch, all involved.

I had such a horrid time feeding my DS in public - don't call me selfish.

You sound so terribly smug.

'Everyone looked at her in a disapproving way' - great hmm

TheChilliMoose Sun 28-Jun-09 16:24:04

I agree with most of what Lulumama has said. The woman is entitled to somewhere private to feed. It's just unfortunate that there were other people wanting to use the changing room at the time.
BUT I think the staff member was right to open the door. People had knocked and there was no answer. Something could have happened and the staff member was right to check from a safety aspect.

Madmentalbint Sun 28-Jun-09 16:25:14

Preen away Lulumama - you're spot on.

Lulumama Sun 28-Jun-09 16:26:41

you told her she was 'bloody selfish' and 'disgusting' and then got the hump because she called you a twat. why do you thinkn you get to take the moral high ground ?

and as a supporter of BF why on earth would you take issue with her feeding in private ?

am more grrrrrrr on behalf of that other woman, with people banging on teh door, barging in and calling her selfish when she was breastfeeding a tiny baby !!

policywonk Sun 28-Jun-09 16:26:57

Get on to the garden centre, describe what happened and ask them to provide a) more changing rooms and/or b) a feeding room for those who don't like whapping 'em out in public.

This reminds me of the parent and child parking threads - parents killing each other over this stuff, when we should really be demanding that the companies who want our custom make better provision for us.

nappyaddict Sun 28-Jun-09 16:27:10

If there was no feeding room and presumably there wouldn't be in a garden centre then no i don't think it was wrong of her to feed her in the toilet. Perhaps she doesn't like to feed in public or perhaps there was no where for her to sit down in the garden centre?

However if it had been me and my baby needed a feed but wasn't crying for one iyswim I would have waited until there wasn't a queue. I think that's just polite tbh.

stoppinattwo Sun 28-Jun-09 16:27:38

Lulu i agree with everthing you said except the staff letting themself in, they didnt know that someone hadnt collapsed in there.

Lulumama Sun 28-Jun-09 16:28:28

no, you are right. fair enough, she oculd have collapsed

however, she might hav ebeen shit scared of the woman hammering on the door !

nappyaddict Sun 28-Jun-09 16:29:31

I think the member of staff should have knocked on the door and then if there was no answer said "Right, I'm coming in then to check everyone's okay in here."

smallchange Sun 28-Jun-09 16:32:25

Why didn't you change your 2 year old in an ordinary toilet cubicle? Tbh, once they're standing I don't see much point in queuing for the baby change.

Unless you had a reason that you had to use the baby change that I don't know about (as could the woman who was feeding her baby there that you don't know about).

Jeez, you can't win. She may have been told to go and feed her baby in private by another interfering busybody.

SouthMum Sun 28-Jun-09 16:32:31

Its sad she felt she had to go into the baby change room to BF. It is a bit unhygenic to feed a baby in a toilet but its a bit shock to call her disgusting.

By the way can I ask what 4 means?? [nosey]

Knickers0nMaHead Sun 28-Jun-09 16:32:45

If you would of said that to me id of called you more than a twat, but then i dont care where i feed my ds. She may of thought it was you banging on the door. YABVU

Confuzzeled Sun 28-Jun-09 16:32:48

Yes, life is too short and I hate getting in arguements with people.

Upwind, I'm 32 weeks pregnant and don't have much knee left to change dd on If she'd just had a wee then I would've changed her in an adult loo, but it was a huge squishy poo.

I guess I was wound up because I'd just stood outside a loo for 25 minutes, my spd was giving me a nightmare and then the woman had a poke at my dd for not being toilet trained yet.

It was the woman behind me who was doing the banging and shouting and while I didn't stop her the woman in the baby change obviously thought it was me.

I got heaps of jip from people when I bf my dd in public. I did use a baby change to feed my dd once when she was 2 weeks old and my boobs were leaking all over the place but I left the door unlocked so that people could change their babies if they needed to. It wasn't a nice experience and it might now be hypercritical of me to say feeding in toilets is disgusting but there is a huge difference in feeding a 2 week old and a 4 month old.

I don't care if I sound smug for telling a woman off for swearing in front of my child. Especially as she'd hung around so she could do it, it wasn't even spur of the moment.

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