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to think I'll never be able to have a family?

(19 Posts)
hopingalways Sat 27-Jun-09 16:56:32

We're trying for our first DC, but after 3 MCs in row it feels like I'm more likely to win the lottery than be a mum. None of the tests showed up anything, though we still have several more left to get through.

We've worked so hard to get everything in place for a family (house, getting married, finding a family freindly employer) and now it all feels totally pointless. AIBU to plan sell the house, become a career witch and forget all about having a family?

misdee Sat 27-Jun-09 16:59:08

you wouldnt be being unreasonable, but you be unhappy

Jacksmama Sat 27-Jun-09 16:59:53

sad for you.
I don't think I have anything terribly useful to say - you must be so discouraged.
Keeping fingers crossed for you.

Morloth Sat 27-Jun-09 16:59:54

I think the words "career witch" are going to get you a pasting.

Don't give up, but don't put everything on hold either. Hold onto the house and have a look at where you would like to go with your career. Things can and do change so you don't need to decide your entire life right this second.

My sympathies for the miscarriages, it is so hard when you get your hopes raised and then smashed down again, not to mention all the crazy hormones that go with it.

giraffescantdancethetango Sat 27-Jun-09 17:01:33

So sorry to hear about your MCs. I feel similar.

Quattrocento Sat 27-Jun-09 17:05:16

As a career witch who also happens to be a mother, I find the two go together better than most people think. I can escape to my career when I've had enough of the children and vice versa. Far better option than doing a dull job and clock watching IME.

Getting back to the crux of the issue, I think you are getting too despondent about this. It works out for most people. I had two ectopics and three miscarriages before having children. Sometimes it happens like that. You're getting tested - if there's any cause, they'll find it and deal with it. It's not easy I know, but try not to think about it too much. It's possible to get a bit obsessive about it all. Just enjoy the summer and fix the garden and stuff.

hopingalways Sat 27-Jun-09 17:07:19

morloth good point about career witch - to clarify I was not meaning woman who has a career and does not have a family (that's not witchy, that's just having a different path to walk). I was meaning having a career instead of a family and being really bitter about it, therefore a complete witch to be around. Particularly for any poor sod who had to work with me. And good point about not deciding everything now!

giraffe <hug> wish we knew some people who'd been in our position then gone on to have kids, that might help perk us up!

anyone know of someone like that?

hopingalways Sat 27-Jun-09 17:09:42

oops X posted with you quattro! Sounds like you've got it sorted so really glad to see that there is some hope (ironic with my name I know, having a bit of a meltdown today). thank you

MoChan Sat 27-Jun-09 17:11:12

I think that if you give up, you will always wonder what might have happened if you hadn't.

You could get on with a career, but keep trying, couldn't you?

notevenamousie Sat 27-Jun-09 17:13:39

It must be so hard sad
But I know I regret things I didn't do, more than things I did.

Kimi Sat 27-Jun-09 17:15:03

Please please don't give up yet, no matter how soul destroying and heart breaking it seems at the moment.

Quattrocento Sat 27-Jun-09 17:15:14

Plenty of hope. Really, plenty of hope

One tip which I completely ignored was to go on holiday and relax totally. After the best part of four years having problems, we were investigating IVF and happened to go on holiday, and I conceived. Conception was more of a worry by then, but it all worked out. Strangely enough the second child was also conceived on holiday. You could always try it and see?

hopingalways Sat 27-Jun-09 17:24:56

thanks for all being so kind - all very good advice.

A holiday might be beyond the budget right now, but some time off work to chill in the garden and not worry about the future sounds like a good plan. And not giving up.

Thanks ladies <hugs> for you all.

woodstock3 Sat 27-Jun-09 22:20:02

im a career witch (albeit one with a very lovely ds) and im not offended grin
i know three mcs in a row feels like it's never going to happen but there are plenty of people on the conception boards here who've had a string of mcs and then conceived. don't give up hope. but like everyone else says, finding something else to take your mind off it (i know easier said than done - also trying unsuccessfully ttc), whether witchy activity or not, often helps...good luck!

pickyvic Sat 27-Jun-09 22:23:02

as soon as i forgot all about having DC...went out to work full time i caught on. i hope its the same for you. sorry to hear of your MC. dont give up. x

Worzsel Sat 27-Jun-09 22:26:02

Oh love

Of course your not BU !

I had 2 MC then dd then a mc the ds..I was convinced i'd never have a take home baby but it did happen eventually.

It will happen, and when it does you will truly appreciate it


yousaidit Sat 27-Jun-09 22:26:21

hopingalways, please don't give up, our friends had tried for years to have children with many miscarriages, then became pregnant at the point they had practically committed themselves to not having children, they have a fab ds, and sadly have had further miscarriages since the arrival of their ds.

there is hope, so please don't give up.

spicemonster Sat 27-Jun-09 22:26:32

Also, where you're being treated can make a massive difference to your success rate. My friend had 5 mcs in a row then finally went to the multiple miscarriage clinic at St Mary's in London and carried the next pregnancy to term. Worth looking into.

Don't give up but try not to make it the focus of your life either. I know that's easier said that done. I really feel for you - mc is so, so sad. And such a lonely experience

moanyhole Sat 27-Jun-09 22:48:18

i lost twins with my first pregnany, one was ectopic, one a mc, had ds, then had 2 more mcs and then dd.

please dont give up hope, i know it feels hopeless now, but honestly there is still every reason to believe that it will happen to you.xxxxx

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