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To not want to ask my parents to babysit again?

(27 Posts)
Nahui Sat 27-Jun-09 01:08:38

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bluemoon4444 Sat 27-Jun-09 01:20:18

i think you've got the right conclusion to ask yr mum to stay.
what your father did wasnt nice.
if your own father does that, then what could you expect from other people?

risingstar Sat 27-Jun-09 01:27:32

Sorry-but Dads generally live in la la land most of the time when it comes to understanding the stresses of modern life.

3 months is a long time to expect a dad to remember that you need to be out until midnight. Could you just remind him of this need? poss at the same time as saying if it really is an issue-please could Mum stay over.

Dont make it a do this for me now or you cant baby sit again- you know that this is cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Learn from it and move on- if you do a money making venture again, factor in the cost of a babysitter from an agency to do the hours you need into the overall expenses.

Even the loveliest dads cannot be relied on for such things!

poshsinglemum Sat 27-Jun-09 01:31:53

YANBU- I find this getting parents to babysit milarky a nightmare. You are not alone.
It's like being a teenager again when you have to be in by a certain time or else you get a bollocking. I'd hire in help and mabe let them have your dd for just small amounts of time when you don't have any work.

Nahui Sat 27-Jun-09 06:36:43

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plimple Sat 27-Jun-09 06:43:53

I would have suggested a sleepover from the outset so you needn't worry about rushing back. Why do you need Mum and Dad?
The curfew is on himself really, not you. It's a bit unfair to ask him to stay up late and then waste his Sunday sleeping.

Nahui Sat 27-Jun-09 06:51:35

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sweetfall Sat 27-Jun-09 07:39:19

When your father said that did you remind him that you were working and you need to be out until 12.30 and as he normally goes to bed around 1pm can he not make an exception and stick with his initial agreement?

if you didn't call him up and say it nicely. If he repeats that he's not staying till that time say ok and never ask them again.

It is more than likely he has forgotten the reason you are out and is not thinking straight

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sat 27-Jun-09 07:51:53

I would ask your mother to stay over and then drive her back yourself in the morning.

I would remind your dad this is your business, and he had promised to do it, and his new restrictions place pressure on your ability to work as hard. I would also tell him you asked him rather than someone else as you trust him, but that if you cannot rely on him you will have to reconsider your choices in the future which is not what you want.

I understand you being upset. YANBU for being upset. It is often hard to ask people to help us when we need them to, and the knee-jerk reaction is to say 'well eff you then i wont ever ask for help again' but unfortunately you probably will as you do trust him, he is your father, and you do not want to cut your nose of to sptite your face, as if you have no-one else to look after your youngest, you might not get to go out at all.

But definitely make it clear to him that you are upset as this is not a jolly but your finances at stake.

littleboyblue Sat 27-Jun-09 07:58:18

My dad had ds2 overnight a few weeks back. Now ds2 cries alot, when I went to pick him up, my dad said he won't have him again until he is a toddler as it was too much to handle being up all night with him. He said that never would his mum have had me overnight and whenever she came round to babysit, I had to be asleep in bed and my parents had to be home by 11pm.

plimple Sat 27-Jun-09 08:52:37

Get Dad to drop off and Mum stay the night. They'll probably be grateful if you never ask them again. There's one thing looking after grandkids in the day and having fun, but sitting in someone else's house to watch their tv while kids are asleep isn't the most tempting invite. You may have asked 3 months ago, but isn't that when your youngest was born? They probably were too wrapped up in that and thought you still might be too.
I was lucky and could leave my DD at 2 months to be babysat as she wouldn't wake for a feed til 2am, but I'd still be back around 11 as I'd need my sleep.
Most Mums can't leave their children til much older than 3 months, so you're still very lucky.
I'm sure your DH can manage without you and be grateful you're there for the couple of hours you can be.
You are asking Dad to do a favour he clearly doesn't want to do. If you want a babysitter you can dictate to you'll have to pay someone.

nannynick Sat 27-Jun-09 09:11:25

While having children's grandparents babysit is low cost, it is not without it's problems. I agree with plimple, if you want a babysitter you can dictate to, you need to pay someone. While childcare can cost a lot, given that you are working that evening you need the reliability and the commitment to do the hours YOU want them to babysit.
Some parents are lucky and know local babysitters who are capable of caring for young babies (personally I have babysat for babies from when baby was 3-days old). If these gigs are to become a regular event, then I feel you need to find a reliable local babysitter whom your children can get to know, not rely on your mum & dad.

MIAonline Sat 27-Jun-09 09:42:10

You agreed it with your parents and they have changed the goal posts, therefore YANBU.

I actually disagree with lots of the posts in that I think you should be able to rely on your parents, if you have asked them and they have said yes. They are your parents, if they don't want to they can say no.

gardeningmum05 Sat 27-Jun-09 10:23:08

just be grateful they will sit at all, there are alot of us out there that have parents that cant be arsed with our kids,my parents have never ever offered. my in laws have offered once then changed their minds.

i am sure your mum would stay over, maybe you should of suggested it in the 1st place.
hope you get it sorted wink

MummyDragon Sat 27-Jun-09 10:55:08

The OP's post really struck a chord with me.

YANBU at all - but, don't cut off your nose to spite your face here. I think that your solution of asking your mum to stay overnight is a good one. Parents can be incredibly unreliable when it comes to understanding the pressures of modern working life (as someone has already said); but is it perhaps worth giving them another chance? Remember, the choice of jobs/careers available to both men and women these days is so much wider than it was for our parents. Perhaps your dad simply doesn't understand what's involved, or doesn't realise the time/money you have invested in this venture. And with two young children too, you must feel as though you are juggling a million balls at once. <<Huge generalisation coming up>> Generally speaking, our parents didn't have to do this sort of juggling; it's totally alien to them, and they probably think that you have a choice not to work, or that it would be easy for you to get an "easier" job when in fact you don't / it wouldn't (my parents definitely didn't understand that I needed to work, as one salary quite simply didn't pay the mortgage, bills and put food on the table. They were constantly asking me why my DH and I didn't go out for dinner every week - and the answer was, we couldn't afford to go out once every three months, let alone once a week).

BUT: both my parents are now dead and, in retrospect, although I moaned about the fact that they were ALWAYS late arriving for babysitting duties when I was working, and it caused me a lot of stress, they are not around any more and it's too late to do anything about it. I would love to be able to give them another chance, as they were lovely people who adored me and my children, and they weren't deliberately unreliable; I think I was probably too stressed and knackered to explain my point of view in a way they would have understood.

Hope this works out for you.

Nahui Sat 27-Jun-09 12:07:27

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zeke Sat 27-Jun-09 12:22:07

My IL's started being like this with us (we would ask them to babysit maybe once every 2-3 months!). We took it as a sign that they didn't really want to do it so started using a paid babysitter.
We mentioned in conversation that we had been out and then it came up that we were using a babysitter and MIL looked really cross and angry! Strange!
Yes, I would ask your mum if she can stay - that sounds like the most sensible option.

MummyDragon Sat 27-Jun-09 12:30:24

It's tricky, isn't it? You probably (quite understandably) don't want to mention to your mum that your marriage hasn't been so great and that you could do with some time alone with your DH.

Could you put your DS to bed a bit earlier than 8.30 pm if your mum is babysitting? Do you have any friends with whom you could start a babysitting circle? I'm just trying to think of ways to avoid having to pay a babysitter, darned expensive things that they are ...

paisleyleaf Sat 27-Jun-09 12:31:26

I've always gone out after DD's in bed - seems better for everyone all round.
(I say "always" - I can probably count on one hand in reality)
Can still get out at 7.30ish ...... if we're lucky.

pranma Sat 27-Jun-09 13:10:22

I love babysitting my dgs [sigh....]

Nahui Sat 27-Jun-09 14:27:20

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zipzap Sat 27-Jun-09 14:31:40

Don't know if you are planning on your dc going to nursery at some point or have friends that have a child that go to a good local nursery, but I've found that they are often a supply of good baby sitters, that are used to dealing with babies, and should all be qualified and CRB checked etc.

Another place to find good babysitters is if there is a local nurses home (I mean where nurses for the local hospital can live, think there is a better word for it but can't remember!)

good luck!

MIAonline Sat 27-Jun-09 14:39:58

Could you go and pick your mum and still get her to stay?

mamas12 Sat 27-Jun-09 14:46:43

Yes go pick her up and get her to stay she would prob rather be with kids than manflu h

Nahui Sat 27-Jun-09 17:32:58

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