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To think that my dad is being abusive?

(9 Posts)
poshsinglemum Fri 26-Jun-09 23:03:38

My mum is frightened that if she dosn't get all of the hosuework done by the time he gets home then he will lay into her.
He never says what he feels, he just grits his teeth and looks like thunder.He dosn't actually like me- he just tolerates me for dd's sake.
I love him but I think he's a hard bastard with no idea about women.

Meglet Fri 26-Jun-09 23:07:08

he probably is. I expect your poor mum is used to it.

why doesn't he like you?!

poshsinglemum Fri 26-Jun-09 23:12:24

I wasn't a good girl when I was growing up. (Nor am I now)
In other words I recognised that he was a toxic parent and told him to stick it.
He's just so cold, hard and dark- it really freaks me out. I always feel like I am on the brink of being pushed out of the family!

Meglet Fri 26-Jun-09 23:15:50

He sounds a bit scary sad. So what if you weren't a 'good girl' when you were growing up. Any decent parent would still love you and treat you with respect.

Well done for telling him to stick it, maybe thats all that you can do. You won't be able to change him after all this time.

steviesgirl Fri 26-Jun-09 23:16:12

Toxic parent - hmm, I know one of those well. My old man was very similar and still can be. Still has a go at my mum if he doesn't like her dinner etc etc etc. Yawn.

I still got the old git man a card for father's day and visited him in hospital after his knee op. I love him unconditionally, something he knows nothing of. It was always a condition when we were growing up. Know what I mean?

Boys2mam Fri 26-Jun-09 23:25:09

If you feel that way how can you help you mum (and yourself) move away from this situation?

I can understand she has probably been within this for a long time but steps should be made to explore other options for her.

poshsinglemum Fri 26-Jun-09 23:41:37

Hi again.

Boys- no chance. My mum literally would not survive without my dad. She is so dependant on him that she nearly falls apart if he's away for the weekend.
I have just come to the sad conclusion that I am going to have to keep my distance and that I can no longer rely on my mum or dad.

For example- my dad comes round and there are crumbs on the carpet where dd had thrown her food.

dad- you should buy one of those wire brushes (eh?) so that you can spend your time brushing up crumbs.
Me- No dad- you can buy me the brush and do some sweeping for me if you feel that strongly about it- I'll just use the bloody hoover!

He uses the fact that I breastfeed as an excuse not to baby sit. He uses my sister's extremely difficult babyhood as an excuse as to why I shouldn't have a break as ''dd is such an easy baby.''
Well- she bloody well would be if you have never had to look after her wouldn't she.
DD is delightful by the way and an absolute joy but I do occasionally need a break.

I just cannot stand him at the moment- he is doing my nut in. He's a robot.

poshsinglemum Fri 26-Jun-09 23:41:39

Hi again.

Boys- no chance. My mum literally would not survive without my dad. She is so dependant on him that she nearly falls apart if he's away for the weekend.
I have just come to the sad conclusion that I am going to have to keep my distance and that I can no longer rely on my mum or dad.

For example- my dad comes round and there are crumbs on the carpet where dd had thrown her food.

dad- you should buy one of those wire brushes (eh?) so that you can spend your time brushing up crumbs.
Me- No dad- you can buy me the brush and do some sweeping for me if you feel that strongly about it- I'll just use the bloody hoover!

He uses the fact that I breastfeed as an excuse not to baby sit. He uses my sister's extremely difficult babyhood as an excuse as to why I shouldn't have a break as ''dd is such an easy baby.''
Well- she bloody well would be if you have never had to look after her wouldn't she.
DD is delightful by the way and an absolute joy but I do occasionally need a break.

I just cannot stand him at the moment- he is doing my nut in. He's a robot.

poshsinglemum Fri 26-Jun-09 23:42:35

sorry about that.

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