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to expect my dh to think for himself

(32 Posts)
happydaisy Fri 26-Jun-09 22:55:00

He works part time, I work full time. He has to pick ds up from school, dd makes her own way home. He never remembers what after school activities they're doing, I've had to draw up a timetable which he can never be bothered to refer to. He never remembers to make dinner so I end up having to do it when I come home. And why is he so slow?? He can spend a whole day at home and only have achieved sorting out the airing cupboard OR cleaning the bathroom!! Is he incapable or very, very clever???

differentID Fri 26-Jun-09 22:55:35

he's MALE!

TheCrackFox Fri 26-Jun-09 22:58:48

Well do they do say that women are good at multi-tasking which, IMO, is code for doing everything all at the same time.

YANBU, it is bloody annoying but there seems to be no cure.

Boys2mam Fri 26-Jun-09 22:59:22

My DP is amazing (shhhhhh). He will do anything I tell ask him to do but anything else is over and above any reasonable expectations. If it's not expressly mentioned, it does not exist.

You need to talk to him.

Seuss Fri 26-Jun-09 23:02:11

YANBU. This is my pet hate with my DH. If asked he will do something, but why do I always have to ask??? It's not big things either, he wouldn't think 'Oh it's tea-time I'd better feed the kids'. Hmmmph.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Fri 26-Jun-09 23:02:26

OMG I very nearly posted under the exact same title.
Boys2mam my dp is exactly the same.
Also peeing me off tonight was the fact that 2 totally unimportant deciwions he made recently were underwritten and approved by 2 colleagues and they were something we had discussed I had tod him the same thing but he never acted until he got manly approval angry when will they learn we are right grin

happydaisy Fri 26-Jun-09 23:03:38

I've tried talking. He has a complete inability to listen too! I've held onto the "clever" theory for a while now (19 years!) hoping that eventually I'll get some benefit from his intelligence.... (hmm)

happydaisy Fri 26-Jun-09 23:04:48

Yes - why do they need approval? Mine always has to ask his Dad and we have lived together since 1992!!!

Katisha Fri 26-Jun-09 23:07:09

It's because he knows you will sort it all out.

mamas12 Fri 26-Jun-09 23:07:50

Why do you make the tea ask him to do it.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Fri 26-Jun-09 23:10:10

I have known DP since we were 7 you would think he would know i'm always right by now hee hee....he'll learn...maybe...eventually if I kick him hard enough regularly enough.

Boys2mam Fri 26-Jun-09 23:19:51

My DP and I, We've got a lovely rhythm going now, born of many, many months of hard work discussion.

He enjoys more 'pub' time than I and I have learned to negotiate bribe him with this.

But I HATE nagging persuading. Why can't he just see what needs done?.....bottles done when its his turn, bin emptied when its his turn, bath rinsed out when its his turn.....

megapixels Fri 26-Jun-09 23:36:58

My dh can't seem to do anything that isn't work-related without me. We'd be at a restaurant and when it's time to order he'll ask me what dd1 is having. Err, why don't you ask her? It's me who has to pick the restaurant. Me who even has to decide if we're going out. If I ask him what he wants to do he says it's totally upto me. Wish he'd wear the pants at least some of the time angrywink

pickyvic Fri 26-Jun-09 23:41:34

im not sure what my DH would do without me...

except celebrate. grin

mamas12 Sat 27-Jun-09 15:00:32

I can't stand the attitud of relinquishing any and all decision making from a working h to the wifey at home.
It is another job at home it is a jobshare in fact. Don't let them get away with reverting to being a child your child in fact. I'm sure you could do with another adult in the house. He does it at work why not at home??

BitOfFun Sat 27-Jun-09 15:04:33

I've never sorted the airing cupboard out and I'm at home loads. I'd be quite pleased with myself if I'd cleaned the bathroom.

Horton Sat 27-Jun-09 15:37:37

Me too, BitOfFun. DH cleans the bathroom on Saturday mornings while I'm at the supermarket. And he puts all the laundry away, too, and sweeps the floors and vacuums. I am now struggling to think of a household chore that I do. blush

Kimi Sat 27-Jun-09 15:45:01

I don't think it is a case of he never remembers, he just can not be bothered.

If I worked all day and came home and had to do house work and cook I would do mine and the kids and leave DH to get his own. lazy sod

EugeneHCrabs Sat 27-Jun-09 15:47:25

becuase oyu have let him become like that
let him fail

Snorbs Sat 27-Jun-09 15:53:23

"He never remembers to make dinner so I end up having to do it when I come home"

I think you've answered your own question. If he doesn't do it he knows that you will.

EugeneHCrabs Sat 27-Jun-09 15:54:09

I agree with SK

you haev infantilised him

stop indulging him - let him let HIS kids down, he is an utter lightweight

Kimi Sat 27-Jun-09 16:17:07

The only part of a man that has a mind of its own is kept between his legs don't you know grin

Triggles Sat 27-Jun-09 19:50:53

My sister has a tendency to ask her DH do stuff around the house, then goes around behind him after he has done it and criticise how it was done or redo it to "her standards." This is not the first time I've seen women do this. I think if I was the male in THAT situation, I wouldn't bother doing it either. hmm

DH is actually great about doing stuff that needs to be done around the house - whether I've asked or not. smile

Snorbs Sun 28-Jun-09 10:10:33

Triggles, my ex was like that. I'd do the washing up, then she'd criticise how I'd done it, or how I'd put the crockery on the drainer. I'd do the washing, she'd complain how I'd hung it out to dry. She was very much a "If you don't do it my way, you're not only doing it wrong but you're doing it wrong on purpose just to annoy me" kind of person.

I'll admit that I also used to let her make most of the decisions regarding which restaurant to go, where to go on holiday etc. This was because I'd learned that if I made suggestions she'd say "No" to everything apart from the place she'd already decided she wanted to go to. It saved a lot of time just to get her to make the decision in the first place.

But then my ex was a controlling, bullying nut-job. Since she became my ex, and it's just me and the kids, life's got an awful lot more relaxed grin

hopingalways Sun 28-Jun-09 10:36:56

YANBU, but in your DH's world he probably feels that he is doing just as much as you. Just goes to show how capable you are! Maybe a creative, non-confrontational demo of the divide of work in your house might work? oh and copious praise for what it does do - "oh you cleaned out the airing cupboard? fabulous that saved me such a job! it's so nice not to have to worry about that anymore" could lead on to "you made dinner again? Oh thank you so much, you have no idea how much of a difference that makes, you're so wonderful" worth a shot!

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