to want to chop the fingers off the little shite that stole my ds' bag?

[helsbels4]

Ds is in yr4 and this week put his bag down on the school field whilst him and his friends messed around played their usual after-school game. Ten/fifteen minutes later, he went to get his bag but it wasn't there. Cue much ranting from me for being so careless and stating that he would be replacing the contents - about £40 worth of stuff out of his own money.

The next day he had to have school dinners (because his lunch-box was in the missing bag) and when he went to collect his money from the class pot, it had vanished.

Well.....to cut a very long story short, it turns out that another child claims he "found" the bag where my ds said he left it but it was empty x 100!!!!!! This child produced the bag but minus the entire contents - school jumper, wet-weather coat, lunch-box, drink bottle, wallet etc etc. He said it was empty when he found it!

This child was given 24hrs to return the contents but hey-presto, he wasn't in school today!

I am absolutely fuming that this little shite has got his filthy, thieving hands on ds' stuff with no real prospect of getting it back.

The school say they are dealing with it but at the mo, that means writing to the mother - big deal. I want to chop his thieving little fingers off so he can't do it again. (ok, dh said that's a bit extreme) but what else can I do??????

Aibu to want to do something very unreasonabe to this little shitester because I am so angry?!

[flamingobingo]

YABU

[Ug]

YABU and an complete twunt.

What horrible perspective you have taken.

[sweetfall]

He could have found it though - and it could have been empty when he did. You don't know.

Which is what makes the jumping to conclusion no matter how obvious it seems to you an unreasonable assumption.

[QOD]

why did his money go out of the pot?

[Morloth]

Somebody else could have nicked the stuff and this kid found the bag. Why would he volunteer the bag at all if he had nicked it? Surely just dump it somewhere.

[helsbels4]

He didn't "find" it. Another mum has since told me she saw him and a relative walking away from where ds left it, with an identical bag over their shoulder. This child has a history of this kind of thing and was given a stage 3 on his first day there for stealing two jumpers and a coat!

He was seen walking away, five minutes after ds had dropped the bag. Are you trying to tell me that in that short time, someone else came up to the bag, took out his jumper, his coat, his lunch-box, his drinking bottle, his wallet and his book-bag and staggered off with all this stuff but left an empty bag??????? If this child then found an empty bag, why did he walk off with it and not give it in to the office he had to walk past. And why has he since written his name in marker pen inside the bag???? I'm not green and I wasn't born yesterday.

[Seuss]

I can see why you're seething but think you should leave it to the school. I think you would BU to chop his fingers off but YANBU to wish you could.

[Morloth]

So in fact you don't want to know whether you are being unreasonable or not, you want everyone to say "Of course you are not being unreasonable"?

[helsbels4]

Thanks Seuss, that's really where I am! Of course I wouldn't chop his fingers off but I'm so angry that this child - and indeed his family - are well known for this kind of thing but just get away with it because he cries he hasn't done anything wrong, the mum believes him and no-one has any hard evidence and he gets away with it, time after time!

I am indeed leaving it to the head-teacher to deal with but it's just so infuriating!

[saggyjuju]

i think you can safely say..."they didnt like that" the op that already replied,but to be objective,i have been known to overreact or even just get plain angry when my son was permanantly heckled through an open window in our car by one lad right from inside the school grounds a good 5-10min stuck in a traffic jam in the blazing heat with 2 toddlers screaming in the back,my son has learning difficulties and the kid followed us alongside our car inch by inch shouting "spacker" straight to his face,i resorted to making hand gestures and mimicking his morbidly obese frame,the lad eventualy turned away looking upset,the head of house was a friend and sort of filled me in on what a crap life the lad has and he probably does these things because of italso the head let me know what i the responsible adult had done in retaliation,total cringe on my behalf

[GypsyMoth]

Well now you're drip feeding. Adding more info as you go along!!

Why would a child steal school jumpers and sticky used lunchboxes??!
He's stolen before so automatically guilty.?

Oh, and what an observant mum!! She took notice of the boy and the bag on his shoulder?

[helsbels4]

You know Morloth, I knew as soon as I posted in aibu, that it was the wrong place but I'm so angry and it was the first relevant topic I stumbled upon. Of course I know it's unreaonable to chop his fingers off (think I got that form somewhere like Japan or something, where they do that to thieves) but I'm so angry! He has admitted he took the bag. He just claims it was empty. He is well- known for lying/stealing. You do the math!

I just want my sons stuff back tha twe work hard to provide.

[helsbels4]

I didn't intend to drip-feed, just seemed like I was typing too much initially but when you read it back, it seems much shorter!

I will try to summerise properly.

This child was at the school throughout infants and constantly in trouble for various reasons. Ds never really mingled with him and experienced no problems, so all was relatively ok.

The said child left at the end of infants to go to a different juniors to everyone else - cue huge sigh of relief from lots of parents.

Said child spent a year at different junior school the re-appeared at ds' junior school. Didn't take much notice tbh - despite learning that the child received an instant stage three in his first week for taking two jumpers and a coat from lost property that clearly didn't belong to him bearing in mind he hadn't been at the school for a year!

There have been numerous disappearances lately and various members of staff have hinted that they know who is behind it. Without evidence, they are powerless.

Ilovetiffany, the mum didn't even know what my ds' bag looked like until it had been returned and then stated that she had seen this boy and his relative acting suspiciously in said area and noticed - for whatever reason - the bags they were carrying. She said they had been acting suspiciously which is why she noticed them.

Hope that enlightens you, although I doubt it.

[megapixels]

Are those the kind of things a child would think of stealing? Seems quite odd tbh. And yes YABU, I wouldn't be that angry if such a thing happened (my dd had her brand-new flashing scooter stolen, but it was me who accidentally left it at school), it is a CHILD after all. Quite harsh words you've used there.

[junglist1]

I'd be angry aswell. I'm not rich to be able to keep replacing stuff because of thieves (and year 4 is old enough to know what stealing is). I saw another boy wearing my sons Nike jacket that he'd stolen and I asked him straight to hand it over. Imagine how a parent on a very low income would feel.

[helsbels4]

You wouldn't be that angry if your child's jumper, wet-weather coat (his winter coat went walkies some months ago from school) his lunch-box, drink bottle, wallet etc etc went missing - really?????? Well I know I was bu to suggest chopping this boy's fingers off ( I obviously wasn't serious about that, just wanted to know if others shared my frustration) but to say you wouldn't be angry given the situation, totally baffles me!!!!

You also have to remember that this boy wasn't on his own, he was with an adult family member. This family are well-known to the school. I am not putting two and two together and coming up with five.

The head-teacher is on my side ffs! These people know the situation and so do the parents and children. It's just a case of proving it that is the hard part!!!!

junglist1, we're struggling like everyone else right now and really can't afford to replace everything at once. Ds was in tears this morning because it was raining and he doesn't have a coat now!

[junglist1]

It's out of order. And if there was an adult with him there's not much hope is there

[Stayingsunnygirl]

Phone the police and report the theft. That way at least you have a crime number and you can claim for the lost items against your home insurance.

And perhaps if the police go round and knock on the door, they may get some of your stuff back.

And I don't think you are being unreasonable to be livid or thinking vengeful thoughts - you need a outlet for your anger and I, for one, am happy to provide that.

I felt just the same about the little horrors who thought it was 'funny' to take ds1's sports kit bag, containing over £125 worth of kit (because we had to have the school indoor, outdoor and rugby kit, plus the school rugby socks, two pairs of trainers and a pair of rugby boots) and distributed the contents all over the school - on top of lockers, behind bins etc etc. Luckily ds1 found it all that time - we weren't so lucky when the bag was taken again, for the same 'fun' reason, and hidden again. It was found - but not until we had bought a whole new set of kit and ds1 had grown out of the old set. I could have broken a finger or two, I tell you!

[helsbels4]

Thanks for that Stayingsunnygirl. I was beginning to think it was just me and junglist who can see the injustice in this!

I have told the school that I will get the police involved if necessary but they would like to give this child - and his family - the chance to do the right thing first. (The head teacher is in no doubt that this child has my sons belongings!)

Just really frustrating when the child doesn't show up for school and his mother doesn't answer the phone all day.

[megapixels]

Yes really, I wouldn't be angry. Sorry if that's not the answer you were looking for. The fact that the boy was with an adult family member would make me feel rather sad. Angry about the situation rather than the child who took the things. Poor child must be being made to feel normal (by the people around him, at home) about walking off with someone else's stuff.

[Seuss]

I would be sad that the boy who took it is in a situation where he thinks it's ok to steal and has adult approval to do so BUT it is still wrong and personally I would be angry if my son's stuff got nicked, I knew where it was and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it.

[helsbels4]

Well yes, you have a point. I do feel sorry for this boy. In infants, he boldly told us that his dad was in prison (We really don't live in a well to-do area but that really isn't the norm for around here) and so yes, I did and do feel sorry for this boy. Why oh why are his family not teaching him a sense of decency and respect though?
Why are they clearly and actively, encouraging him to steal?

You don't need to be rich or well to do (as we're not) to teach your children right from wrong and morals and respect. That is what is so frustrating. My ds didn't think for a second that if he put his bag down on school premises, wandered off and then came back, that his bag wouldn't still be sitting there.

Maybe Iab totally u to not teach him to trust no-one. Even at primary level.

[megapixels]

Well no, I don't think YABU in that, obviously a child of that age shouldn't have to be burdened with the responsibility of guarding his possessions every minute of the school day. I mean, leaving your bag in the playground while you run around with your friends isn't unreasonable. How do schools normally handle this kind of thing? It must be so hard if the parents are condoning it.

[edam]

Well clearly giving the thief and his thieving family the chance to return the goods hasn't worked. Wonder when this kid and his miserable relatives will have the front to turn up at school again?

I'd call the police as soon as possible if I were you. Clearly these people have no intention of putting anything right.

It is sad that the poor child is growing up in such an awful family, but that is not your responsibility and there is nothing you can do about that.

[helsbels4]

I think that is where my frustration lies. On hindsight, I am pinning all of this on the child because trust me, he has been a little shit from the moment he started school but knowing now that a family member was with him when he was seen walking off with the bag, beggars belief. I do truly feel for him but what is likely to happen? He will no doubt get punished but what about his relative? (his name had been written in my ds' bag by an adult, you could tell)

Do I put this down to experience and let them carry on or do I inform the police - because of the adult's involvement, not the child's and risk the repercussions.

I just want my son's belongings back and then the school can act as they please as far as I'm concerned.