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To think im making a mistake sending my DD to school in september.

(13 Posts)
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 26-Jun-09 10:45:51

I posted this in parenting but ive no patience, so im throwing it to the wolves

Shes not even 4 yet!! She will be at the end of next month.

She is my beautiful little baby and i feel that she is being stolen away from me. I'm not ready for this!

OK - so, that is all about me and im a big girl, i'll get over it. But that is so young. I am really really torn. DD loves nursery and she goes every day, but for 2.5 hours. She will have three weeks only at half a day, then she will all of a sudden have to eat at school and then probably when she is starting to miss me, still not get to come home.

Am i doing the right thing? What if this makes my DD really unhappy? She seems "ready" for school, she certainly takes a lot of occupying and is inquisitive about the world around her. But this is, all day EVERY DAY (apart from weekends) she is going to be spending the majority of her day with other people. Strangers to start off with. She knows very few of the children starting at her school.

I know i could have kept her back a year legally, but she would have to start in year 1 and the fight for decent school places around here is vicious and i have fortunately got her into the best school in the area. This wouldnt be the case if i held her back. Also, she will miss out on the opportunity to form friendships etc.

Its only June, she hasn't even finished pre-school and i have a knot in my tummy that wont go away

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 26-Jun-09 10:54:28

I'm of the school of thought that she will be absolutely fine if she is enjoying nursery daily and this is about you and not her.

It is a big step but I do think it is often a bigger step for the parent than the child.

There is a girl in DS's class who he went to nursery with. Her Mum has always been very anxious about the whole school thing. I took tissues on the first day as I knew she'd need them and she did. Her anxiety unfortunately hasn't subsided through the year. Her DD settled quickly but was kept off school at every oportunity ie. if a bug was doing the round, always being told that her Mum preferred it when she was at home and things along this line.

Gradually her DD has worked out how to play her Mum and has been through a very bad stage of being unsettled and crying all day long in class. It has taken her Mum a long time to realise that her behaviour has probably contributed to this. Since she has things have settled down again.

I do understand she is young. If you're really not happy could you ask if she could do longer on a part time basis and go full time nearer her birthday ? The first year is really important as you have said in making friendships etc and it would be a shame for her to miss out on that.

zeke Fri 26-Jun-09 10:56:12

My son is a summer baby (end of July) and school has been fine. He only knew one other child when he started, too, but soon made friends. I'm not saying there wasn't the occasional wobbles but he adores school now and is disappointed on a Saturday. There are three children younger than him (Aug birthdays) in the class, too, and they have all done extremely well and love school.

I was worried about my son being so young when he started but the idea of him not starting until this September coming seems so strange to me know.

My son was part-time (9-1.30 pm) until January, but he actually wanted to stay all day.

I don't konw whether that helps at all but I just wanted to share our positive experience.

I hope it all works out well for you all.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 26-Jun-09 10:59:11

Wynkin, i agree this is definately more about me than DD. I will also have to start work too, so poor DD is going to be in at the deep end, not only at school all day but probably at afterschool club too.

You are absolutely right, i must not let this anxiety show to DD. My mum didnt send me to nursery and i bellowed for two days solid on my first days at school - my teacher told me she was going to put me in the dustbin, when i wouldnt stop she said to the class "what are we going to do with her" the whole class shouted "put her in the dustbin" BITCH i always found it hard to make friends at school - is it any wonder!

londonartemis Fri 26-Jun-09 11:02:26

If she loves nursery, then the chances are she will love school. It will also be almost October before she is doing the full day thing. That's quite a bit away. And lots of 3 year olds are doing more than two and a half hours nursery a day already and love it. Children grow up a huge amount in a short space of time, especially little girls.
Reception at school is an extension of nursery. There is lots of play and discovery, rather than sitting and concentrating for long hours over a book. The teachers know what it's like for little ones and know the best ways to help them settle in. It should not be throwing her to the wolves, honestly!

MissSunny Fri 26-Jun-09 11:24:14

Message withdrawn

Maiakins Fri 26-Jun-09 11:31:59

I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation this year. You may find that she is more ready by September ... it's still 2 and a half months away. But, I agree it is a bit of a false choice, as although you can delay it, the other children will have made friends already and you may not get another place. Perhaps you feel angry and resentful that the decision is out of your control? I know a part of me did.

I have to say the first half of the reception year was quite difficult. She was very tired and sometimes cried, saying she didn't want to go to school. Another issue was the toilet - it wasn't in the classroom and she was terrified of going. We had lots of toilet accidents (although she was completely toilet trained and never had an accident at nusrey or home).

But now that the reception year is nearly over, she does really like school and it doesn't seem to have had a lasting impact. Try to support her as best you can, talk to the teachers as problems arise ... can you maybe start her on half days for the first few weeks?

LovingTheRain Fri 26-Jun-09 11:41:09

OP - Your DD will be fine and she is going to love it! I have taught reception and had many parents over the years tell me their children cannot cope with the day and will miss them and it's too long etc etc. It is usually the parents crying at the door rather than the children.

YANBU to feel worried, it's natural but it will all be fine

Your DD will make friends very quickly and soon know everyone in her class.

Could you maybe ask around at pre school to find out who will be joining her in class? Maybe make a few connections before september? Or possibly go and visit the class and meet the teachers etc. Check out the school website as often they have curriculum plans etc online so you could see what reception has doen this year. (Chances are your DD will be doing the same )

Plus, if your DD's teacher feels she is not ready for a full day etc, they will plan something with you that suits you and your DD.

staylucky Fri 26-Jun-09 12:30:50

I think school is hard to swallow for us as mums no matter what the age they start.

My DD was almost 5 when she started but that wasn't my issue, it was the handing over my baby to a whole new set of rules and opinions and basically an organisation.

My little girl Loves school, loves her teachers and her classmates and has thrived in a way that I could NEVER have provided myself.

Personally I agree that after school club as well would be too much at this age. I'd really urge you to try and find some way of taking little steps on that one.

Best of luck, I really do know how you feel but it will work out well x x

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 26-Jun-09 14:30:44

thanks for the replies I definately take on board what has been said about after school club. I think between DP and myself we should be able to muddle through in that regards.

pranma Fri 26-Jun-09 15:05:41

My dd has an August birthday and initially was allowed to go mornings only[full time after Christmas]but she loved school so much she was full time after a month.Was reading fluently by 3.5 and is now a mum,a teacher and a very balanced individual[she was my baby too]and one of my best friends[yuk at me].Dont worry but ask about part time if you think she's not ready.

MummyDragon Sat 27-Jun-09 11:05:47

Just to reiterate the other posts: your DD will be absolutely fine. If you are worried, speak to the school about doing part-time for the first term or so. But rest assured, SHE WILL BE FINE. (DS is just coming to the end of YR and he is a summer birthday too).

It's hard, I know, and of course she is still your precious baby. But she has wings, and your job as her mum is to help her learn to fly. You can do it, and so can she smile

Most year R teachers are utterly fabulous and will do all they can to help your DD.

Morloth Sat 27-Jun-09 12:07:02

I was a bit like you I think, DS's birthday is in June and he just seemed so little. Little bugger forgot to kiss me good bye on the first day cause he was so excited.

If she loves nursery she will probably really enjoy school. Only suggestion I have is to (if possible) maybe put off starting work for a couple of months? DS's first couple of months at school he was knackered when he came home of an afternoon. Not physically, he still needed his run but just really tired and not up for any more thinking.

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