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To expect men to stand and give up theie seat for a pregnant woman??

(91 Posts)
mosschops30 Thu 25-Jun-09 16:55:11

dh thinks AIBU and says it wouldnt cross his mind hmm think he's winding me up though, cos he would prob offer his seat to a non-pg woman!

Went to ante-natal clinic today, long row of chairs along the wall, single mums and couples, we walked right to the end but no chairs so stood.
Not one man sat nearby offered (and the two closest were with their pg partners). In the end someone was called and I said to dh 'shall we sit down there seeing as none of these gentlemen have offered their seat'?

So AIBU and just an old fashioned idiot? I would give up my seat anywhere for a pg woman, or woman with toddler or elderly or disabled people.
Is it just me?

hobbgoblin Thu 25-Jun-09 17:02:59

I only expect a seat if I need it. Being pregnant does not automatically mean I need it. I've been un-pregnant and needed it because of my varicose vein, and I've been pregnant and not needed to sit.

I always express my thanks when offered even if sometimes I decline and I don't hesitate to ask if I need a seat for some reason.

I say "I'm sorry, I am about to keel over due to **", if you can cope without that chair, do you mind if I have it?"

I caused a big fuss at a tennis event once where all these poncetastic families were reserving seats with their belongings for hours so I sat on one of the chairs with the book and the family went rather nuts at me. I just did the hmm face triumphantly.

I have sat on someone's lap once for being a twat. They moved vvvvvvvvvv quickly.

I also park across people and go shopping if they are misusing parking spaces and are rude when I try and ask them for justification.

I'm a right self righteous old bint.#

People are often in a world of their own so I think it's best to ask rather than assume people will figure out you need something.

Did you need the seat btw.?

mosschops30 Thu 25-Jun-09 17:20:40

Im hot, bothered and fat, so yes needed the seat (and yes am noticeably hippo like)!

Lol at the parking thing, I thought I was the only person to do that grin

LovelyTinOfSpam Thu 25-Jun-09 17:25:56

Moss I had this at ante-natal clinic as well!

All of the men sitting down with their partners and leaving extremely heavily pg women to stand - it was this time 2 years ago and was super hot. I managed to find a childs chair and sat on that hmm

I was pretty stunned as TBH if there is one place you would have thought people would be aware of this sort of thing it would be ante-natal clinic when people are there with their pg partners!


LovelyTinOfSpam Thu 25-Jun-09 17:27:40

hobbgoblin you must agree though that of all the places where people might be expected to be aware/notice - the ante-natal clinic is it!

zeke Thu 25-Jun-09 17:30:07

WOW - that is pretty disgraceful! I would hope that they were simply in some kind of a waiting induced trance (I get like that) and hadn't noticed.
I think hobbgoblin has a point about needing the seat though - I managed to teach (on my feet most of the day) late into my pg with no problems, maybe they just assumed because their wife doesn't 'need' a seat at the mo neither do you.
I would certainly hope that my DH would have hopped up straight away though!
I've blocked someone before (they were parking in school grounds to go shopping, so I blocked them in and went and taught my lesson!). I also make a point of parking perfectly between the lines in car parks next to someone who hasn't. I once got a note on my windscreen because they found it hard to get in their car (THEIR crap parking - a bush the other side of them so they cannot blame it on previous crap parking!)

screamingabdab Thu 25-Jun-09 17:31:43

Yes, you would expect people to notice at the antenatal clinic.

IME, the only people who ever offered to give up a seat to me were young (teenage/early 20s) men, and middle aged (40-plus) women.

Once, delayed at the airport, very hot weather, 7 and a half months pg, and HUGE a woman refused to give up her seat, even temporarily, when I asked her very nicely.

saintmaybe Thu 25-Jun-09 17:34:03

I'd hope ANYONE, man or woman, would offer a seat to someone who needed it more

no reason for men to have a monopoly on kindness or consideration

readyfornumber2and3 Thu 25-Jun-09 17:34:33

TBH I cant believe non of the women chucked their dps off a seat for you shock
surely they must know how it feels? I would have made dp move for you if it was me

LovelyTinOfSpam Thu 25-Jun-09 17:44:38

The thing that I found most interesting when it happened to me was that it was the ante-natal clinic at the hospital - and so if you're there then almost by ddefintion there is something not quite right as low risk women are seen in the community.

It was the weirdest weirdest thing I have ever come across. About 10 men sitting there and 6 women really really far gone standing around.

onagar Thu 25-Jun-09 18:33:01

Course it would make sense if the clinic got some more chairs too. No polite man is ever going to be able to sit down is he.

I'm a man and I will generally stand up for anyone who looks like they need a seat. This would include a pregnant woman, anyone old and frail looking and has included a guy on a bus with an armful of parcels who was being thrown from side to side cos he couldn't hold on. The latter was partly self preservation since I thought I was gonna get him in my lap any moment.

Nowadays I won't stand up to let just any woman sit down since there's a chance that might be considered sexist

smackapacka Thu 25-Jun-09 18:36:22

I also think of Jimmy Carr saying he'd rather see a pregnant woman standing up than a fat person sitting down crying grin

I'm pregnant too though so I'd think that those men were being really selfish in the clinic!

mamas12 Thu 25-Jun-09 18:40:00

It's called being considerate.

goodnightmoon Thu 25-Jun-09 19:23:11

that is completely outrageous. tbh, i would have booted one of those guys out of his seat in some polite and guilt-inducing way. it's not something i ever had the nerve to do on a bus or tube, even when i was massive and in agony from SPD, but if they're with their pg partner, they should really have a clue and offer.

Honneybunny Thu 25-Jun-09 19:34:54

YANBU! But unfortunately the days of the English gentleman are long gone..

Whilst pg with ds1 i had to travel in to London (2 hour+ commute door-to-door) and almost never managed to get a seat on the train, not even when 8 months pg. I once got refused the only unoccupied seat in a carriage as someone was keeping her wedding dress on it, so it wouldn't wrinkle too much.angry
Oh how I prayed for massive showers on her big day!

GrimmaTheNome Thu 25-Jun-09 19:44:23

I don't think the Jimmy Carr defence works in an antenatal clinic though!

Twats. I've given up a reserved train seat so that a much younger perfectly fit woman could sit down with her child. When it comes to public seating, we should all be Marxist!

I don't think I ever had to beg a seat when I was PG - the only time I was on a crowded train my parents were with me. Both in their 70s at the time. Mum was straight in there with smile and "I'm sure someone would like to offer their seat to my daughter" ... I think we all got seats grin. Mum on a charm offensive is an unstoppable force.

LovelyTinOfSpam Thu 25-Jun-09 19:46:39

Frankly NO defence works in an ante-natal department!

zeke Thu 25-Jun-09 22:31:50

shock honneybunny! What a ***!!

GodzillasBumcheek Thu 25-Jun-09 22:50:20

Hmm...defence of having walked 45 mins to get there whilst thinking pg woman along with 90% of rest of waiting people probably arrived by car?
That would have been DH's excuse - and i would have argued the toss that someone else could stand up instead.

That doesn't justify them all though, surely, as no pg woman besides me would walk 45 mins to their ante-natal appointments, surely?

(DH did actually offer his seat to someone though so this is hypothetical)

Reallytired Thu 25-Jun-09 22:57:33

I don't think are being unreasonable. I think that even one of the pregnant women could have offered you a seat if you are really far gone.

I went to the hospital for scans and anti D. Admitally in the third trimester I had SPD, but I would have offered you my seat when I had my scans.

NigellaTufnel Thu 25-Jun-09 23:07:05

I knew I really really loved my DH when he was always the first to stand up at our ante natal clinic.

Strangely always found that it was young Eastern European men that would give me a seat on the tube when pregnant with DS.

GodzillasBumcheek Thu 25-Jun-09 23:12:49

Surely i couldn't use the word surely more often, could i, surely?

midlandsmumof4 Thu 25-Jun-09 23:16:51

No you aren't. Good manners cost nothing. As a healthy woman I'd happily give up my seat to anyone I thought deserved it better than me. Have bought my sons up to do the same and was rather pleased to see one of them actually do this recently. He's twenty 22 and gave up his seat to a woman who looked about the same age as me. He didn't realise I was further down the tram btw smile. She accepted aswell!!!

LovelyTinOfSpam Thu 25-Jun-09 23:18:21

45 min walk vs heavily pg? I'd take the walk any day godzilla! And loads of people have to get the tube and the bus to the hosp and have probably had to stand on them (judging from my experience and other threads!). Bottom line is unless disabled, man should stand for heavily pg woman in ante-natal clinic. Surely?

Would your DH really feel that 45 mins was a long walk and he deserved a seat more than heavily pg women?

Scorpette Fri 26-Jun-09 00:01:53

Hobbgoblin, were we separated at birth? wink Keep up the good work, Lady!

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