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to find it annoying when people comment on my weight?

(22 Posts)
barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 20:53:09

I am quite skinny and am not exactly happy with the way i look if i'm honest. It's just the way i am and although eat healthy food in good amounts it just seems that i'm never going to have much of a bum or boobs. At nearly 40 i've more or less accepted my shape.
Today i was talking to a fellow school mum who was talking about her diet ( a 3rd lady who i didn't know was with her ). This lady who i had never met before said " it's ok for you, your so skinny, you should eat and get some meat on your bones ". It's not the first time i've heard this and i think it's horrible.
I think it would be unacceptable for me to walk up to someone and say " your so fat, have you thought about losing weight", so why is it ok to comment on my weight?
So am i right or am i overreacting to this?

GodzillasBumcheek Wed 24-Jun-09 20:57:59

That was a bit rude, but i presume she thought you were happy with the way you look and was envious of you!

sorry, i know that's not helpful at all.

laweaselmys Wed 24-Jun-09 20:58:02

You're not U, it's horrible. I have no idea why people think it's okay to be so rude just because you are thin.

LadyAga Wed 24-Jun-09 21:04:26

Very ignorant and rude behaviour by this woman; do not waste anymore of your energy thinking about her silly comments.

Ondine Wed 24-Jun-09 21:05:21

It isn't polite to say you should eat more, it's none of her business. But saying you look a bit skinny is not comparable to saying you look a bit fat.

Skinny is a compliment to many people (including me).

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 21:09:10

Thanks... It's not the first time by any stretch that i've heard similar comments. Most people i do realise are saying it without malice, but it's still annoying.
I would love a nice rounded bum and a decent pair of boobs just as some women would maybe like to lose some weight. I too look in the mirror and see parts of me that could be better. It just grates me that for some reason it's ok to point mine out out loud but not the other way round.

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive Wed 24-Jun-09 21:09:13

yanbu

skinny/fat, it's not ok to make such personal comments, I wish people wouldn't

what if you were a recovering anorexic?

Scorpette Wed 24-Jun-09 21:10:50

YANBU. Although I'm 'normal' (10-12... okay, mainly a 12 wink), my Mum is naturally skinny (grr, thanks for passing on the crap eyesight but not THOSE genes, Mum!) - a size 6-8 - and has spent her whole life with people saying things like you experienced and worse; being accused of having an eating disorder, people telling her a propos of nothing that she'll 'pass on' a 'complex' about food to me and my brother when we were younger (i.e., presuming she starves herself), accusing her of trying to 'outdo' other women, etc. None of which is true, IGWS. It's just a mixture of jealousy and the fucked-up ideas about food, weight and size that the media implant in our heads. It's not fair that people say this stuff to skinnies when it'd be awful to say 'step away from the doughnuts, Lardarse!' to someone overweight, but just enjoy being slender and keep on being healthy - that's having the last laugh, for sure

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 21:11:41

Ondine... i actually think "skinny" is as bad as saying "fat".
If someone said i was slim then yes, a compliment... but skinny no, i really don't like it.
Yes, i am skinny and not slim, i accept that but to me it is as bad as calling someone fat.

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 21:16:41

scorpette Thank you. It is just my size, i put on a healthy 2 stone with both my pregnancies and it just fell away each time back to my jutting out bones. I have not and never have had an eating disorder. I have a healthy relationship with food and am just made this way. My parents were the same.

Mutt Wed 24-Jun-09 21:24:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flaminhell Wed 24-Jun-09 21:40:27

Dont let it hurt you, people speak without engaging their brains, rude yes, but wouldt have been said with malice I wouldnt think.

chegirl Wed 24-Jun-09 21:58:29

I have had this all my life. I think there is also an assumption that because I am thin I am also a. obsessed with my weight and b.judgemental of people who are not thin.

Neither is true and I absolutly abhor the way society concentrates so much on womens size.

I have been accused of being anorexic and vain several times. I have never been on a diet. I dont feel smug about being thin because I know its down to body type and my natural lack of appeitite.

When my DD stopped eating I was accused by ILs (I have many SILs) of 'making her anorexic'. I had never discussed weight with my DD and didnt have a set of scales in my house. I was very aware of NOT giving her a warped body ideal.

She had cancer. Thats why she didnt eat.

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 22:04:15

chegirl I'm sorry about your daughter, that is awful.
I too get the comments that i must never eat to be so skinny and it drives me mad.
I went out for a meal with work colleagues yrs ago and ordered what i would normally eat.. ie. a good old plate of food. Someone had the audacity to say " no way do you live on things like that, what you going to do, throw it up later". Put me off my meal completely.
Yet, if i were to comment on an overweight persons plate of food people would be horrified.

chegirl Wed 24-Jun-09 22:08:30

barnsley that is a vile comment! What the hell is wrong with people?

Its almost always women who say these things, whether its about being too fat or too thin.

And dont get me start on the 'real woman' comments. Like you are only a real woman if you are curvy. Curves are lovely IMO but I managed to have a few babies without them. I also have regular periods and irrational mood swings, so how am I not a real woman?

Ivykaty44 Wed 24-Jun-09 22:11:42

It is a personel comment and these often casue upset. Yes if you went up to a fat person and asked them what on earth they eat to get so fat they would probably be on here asking if it was unreasnable and people would say it is rude.

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 22:14:28

chegirl... I would love curves smile, but accepted a long time ago that i would never get them. It's who i am, and like you am a woman in every sense of the word, despite my lack of curves.
You are so right thinking about it, it is only women that make these comments. It seems that if your skinny then people can say what the hell they like.

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 22:16:43

ivy.. you are right. However, comments about my weight are made in front of other people and for some reason others seem to ignore it, or laugh even. Were it the other way round i would imagine the person making the comments would be treated with disdain.

whiteflame Wed 24-Jun-09 22:41:59

that's terrible chegirl... so sorry.

i sympathise too barnsleybelle - i'm also naturally thin, always have been. i've had lots of comments - an old (male) boss once said i didn't need a lunch break because i didn't eat anyway (not true!), loads of people saying i should eat more before i fade away, etc.

These days its not so bad, as i have accepted this is just how i am, but while i was a teenager it had quite an impact. i worried about it and had medical tests to see if anything was wrong. it seems people genuinely don't think about the effect their comments have (but seriously, why would strangers make weight comments to a teenager??).

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 22:46:02

Thanks whiteflame. I too have accepted the way i am, but still get narked by the flippant comments.
You have no idea when that lady said what she did today, how much i wanted to make a remark about her weight back to her.
I rose above it though as i knew i would have been judged with horror. Double standards, and it drives me mad.

whiteflame Wed 24-Jun-09 22:52:58

i hear you barnsleybelle... it's knowing that when someone says 'you need fattening up' that you can never say 'and you need slimming down' back. and a few thin comments you could deal with, it's just that since everyone and his dog thinks they can comment, it wears you down!!

barnsleybelle Wed 24-Jun-09 23:00:58

Too true whiteflame, too true. I remember someone once said "you're very bony arn't you". I bit my lip to resist replying, "yes i am, and you are very rotund don't you think".
Imagine the conversation being relayed. Would have been only me slated i think.

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