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To not tell a (previous) sex partner I might have given him genital warts?

(31 Posts)
samsaysohboy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:00:14

I was just told by ex-lover A that I probably gave him warts. I haven't had them myself, but probably carry the virus, and there are one or two others I am considering not to tell (or,perhaps, if it turns out IABU..)

As far as I know you are not duty-bound to tell ex-partners, as it is such a common thing and not something you can treat - not the virus anyway. My only concern is that one of the men I am planning not to tell is someone I slept with once, nothing has happened since but I am hoping we might develop into a relationship (not incredibly likely atm, but still) And if it turns out then I gave him warts and didn't say, I would at the very least have bad conscience.

I haven't been to the doctor yet so for all I know ex-lover A might have aquired them somewhere else, but as we had sex it is likely I'm infected anyway.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Do I have to keep confessing this to every future partner when I am symptomless?

poshwellies Wed 24-Jun-09 15:02:37

How can you know that you carry the virus if you haven't been to the docs yet?

bumpybecky Wed 24-Jun-09 15:02:45

is it possible to find out if you definately carry the virus? if it is possible, I'd find out then decide who to tell (or not!)

no point worrying about it if you're not a carrier

mrsruffallo Wed 24-Jun-09 15:04:00

Go to the docs and then decide

VinegarTits Wed 24-Jun-09 15:04:12

A think you need to read up about genital warts, i would link but i am in work, dont want anyone to think ive got them!

BitOfFun Wed 24-Jun-09 15:04:34

Who knows who gives what to who? It is everybody's responsibility to check their own sexual health. Unless you have cheated on someone, if your partner has sex they are grown up enough to get themselves checked out at intervals. Not your problem IMO.


BitOfFun Wed 24-Jun-09 15:05:27

Not sure why that says "I" under my post...must be a confession grin

samsaysohboy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:08:02

Been reading a bit about it HPV is very common, something like 80% of the population has it at some point. Most never find out though and so never have to contemplate embarrasing confessions

LouLovesAeroplaneJelly Wed 24-Jun-09 15:08:16

You should really find out if you have them firstly.
How would you feel if someone you slept with had the virus and did not tell you? Remember that you are not just sleeping with him, you are sleeping with his past and future partners. That is how STI's are passed along.
I think that YABU not to tell him if you have HPV.

samsaysohboy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:10:24

BOF thanks, agree for the warts but for something more serious (everything from chlamydia upwards) I would tell!

WasSkankyAtUni Wed 24-Jun-09 15:13:08


NorthernLurker Wed 24-Jun-09 15:13:18

I think you should tell people and if the embarassment of that is too much for you then I don't hold out much hope for you having an honest and long lasting relationship with that person anyway!

ninedragons Wed 24-Jun-09 15:15:21

There is an American service, targeted at the San Francisco gay community, that provides anonymous notification.

You enter your partners' email addresses and their server sends a message saying hey, you need to get checked.

Wish I could remember what it was called.

Heathcliffscathy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:15:24

I read a piece of research which suggested that everyone had been exposed to this virus by the age of 25.

worth thinking about. and finding out if you can transmit the infection when symptom free (which i'm not sure that you can) is the same kind of virus as a verruca etc...if you don't have one you can't give it to someone else unless i'm gravely mistaken.

samsaysohboy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:16:18

Lou, I agree it is selfish - but, if I have HPV, and lets face it the odds are strongly in that favour, what am I to do about it? It can't be treated, and condoms don't fully protect against it. I choose slight guilt over no sex life.

samsaysohboy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:17:47

You can transmit infection with no symptoms, that is why so many people have it.

WasSkankyAtUni Wed 24-Jun-09 15:19:06

Ok so have name changed so I do not out myself.
I was a friendly girl at uni and ended up with warts and herpes. I have no idea who I got them from but eventually found out that I had Herpes type 1 not type 2. Type 1 is the kind that gives you cold sores. I choose NOT to tell my partners. The warts are annoying but do not cause any other problems like infertility etc. As for the herpes if it was type 2 and could cause more worrying problems then I would tell but considering I could have theoretically got the virus from kissing my mum on the cheek then going to the toilet I don't. Do you tell your partners that you suffer from the herpes virus if you get cold sores? Something like 80% of the population has the virus. I have had one outbreak ever and that was how I found out. I told two partners. One was ok and could not care less and one was paranoid about condoms after that. If I had something more serious I would tell. Would you want to know if your partner had something. That is what you need to ask yourself. I do hope that you have nothing though

samsaysohboy Wed 24-Jun-09 15:25:57

Lovely nameshange, skanky

Would I want to know? Well, my ex partner told me and right now I wish he hadn't.

Hm.. maybe not a bad thing to never have sex with someone I'm not close enough with for it to be a natural thing to mention? If that makes sense. I feel extremely bad for people who have HIV now..

mayorquimby Wed 24-Jun-09 15:26:15

yabu if you think you have it and plan to sleep with someone and not tell them.

Nancy66 Wed 24-Jun-09 15:32:47

how does your ex know it was you that gave him warts? how do you know you carry it? it's all just guess work at the moment isn't it?

use condoms and you will massively cut the risk of passing it on (not to mention protecting yourself)

sandpebbles Wed 24-Jun-09 15:35:52

no, i don't think you are duty bound to tell previous partners about it. do read up about warts because i'm pretty sure you have to have an active wart to pass it on though, so it's not a given that you have now got it. not sure what the maximum amount of time is between exposure and symtoms developing. also, i might be wrong on this but if you have had a wart infection and get treatment, if you are symptom free for several years after that you can consider it cleared from your body.

my view is that if you have a wart, then don't have sex. but i think it would be asking a lot from you to tell every prospective casual partner in future about this. as for a longer term relationship in the near future, then i think openness about this would be the best.

RumourOfAHurricane Wed 24-Jun-09 15:41:41

Message withdrawn

Sassybeast Wed 24-Jun-09 15:57:27

If you have HPV you may also have every other STD under the sun so the first thing that you need to do is make an apointment at a GUM clinic and get yourself checked out. Genital warts could be the least of your worries. Good luck with it all and hope you get the all clear. Once you have the information that you need, you will be better placed to follow up - the GUM clinic will also advise you on this.

speedychange Wed 24-Jun-09 16:08:19

Why does ex lover A think he got them from you? He could have received them from anyone, at any time, and symptoms can show a lot later.

If you have no symptoms, then don't say anything. A lot of people carry HPV in its different forms and they would never even know- you basically don't have HPV unless you show symptoms of genital warts. However, some forms of HPV cause cervical cancer, so get a smear test.

Skanky- you have GHSV1 and don't tell partners? I can't believe that. It's just as bad as HSV2. I also have it and although it's not my fault, it's morally right to tell sexual partners.

Stigaloid Wed 24-Jun-09 16:09:30

You need to find out if you are a carrier, get a smeaar done and inform any partners if you are a carrier. the HPV virus, which is what warts are, is the cause of cervical cancer, so if you have infected other men, who have gone on to infect other women unknowingly, you could be spreading a virus that causes cancer. As someone who got to a very late stage with her CIN cells due to ignorance (i was told had i left it any longer and it would have developed into cancer) then I beg you to think not only of yourself, but other young women out there who could end up getting this disease from you. Cervical cancer is a major killer amongst women. Please do your best to find out if you are a carrier, inform all ex-partners and ask them to do the same - you could save a life.

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