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What would you do?

(9 Posts)
TheLadyEvenstar Wed 24-Jun-09 00:25:40

ok bit of background here.

my dad was married previously when he was 16yrs old. He and his wife split and after 5 years he lost contact with his 2 children from that marriage. to cut a long story short my "brother" contacted me before xmas asking if we could meet to which i said yes.

He stayed with me for 5 hours and at the end of it said he could never see us sitting down as a family....fine by me iyswim?

However via me he made contact with my sister and mum, he has continued contact with my sister but not mum or I. I sent him an email over a week ago asking how he his children and wife were and whether they had any plans for his daughters birthday. I have not recieved a reply. My problems begin here.

My nephews birthday is the day after my nieces birthday, now i know that arrangements have been made for us "all" to go to the coast for the day.
I feel like it is going to be very uncomfortable for me as he cannot even be bothered to reply to my emails even though he emails my sister almost daily, I also feel she is partly to blame as when I had ds2 baptised I did not invite him as my brother who i grew up with was more important for being there, if that makes sense. But she went and told him nonetheless.

I do not want to let my nephew down as he is my baby ( my sister had 5 miscarriages before she had him and he is so special to me) BUT i don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation with my 2 children iyswim?

What should I do?

mrsjammi Wed 24-Jun-09 00:29:21

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar Wed 24-Jun-09 00:31:45

MrsJammi, that would be easy, but he and my sister are not related iyswim?

It will be uncomfortable as

1- he doesn't want his children knowing we are related...his dd and I are the image of eachother and his ds and my ds1 are as well.


2- if he cannot reply to an email how on earth is the day going to go if he cannot talk to me?

mrsjammi Wed 24-Jun-09 00:33:54

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar Wed 24-Jun-09 00:36:16

MrsJammi, I don't know tbh

I am hurt because I was the one who heard dad talk about his ds and dd they are now 44 and 42. Dad died 6 years ago and yet it took him until last december to look for him......

screamingabdab Wed 24-Jun-09 03:25:07

Hi, I have to say, what mrsjammi said about a crush occurred to me as well. The advice to try and think of him as a friend of your sister is good, but even in those circs. it would be awkward.

I think you have no choice, though, but to go. Just try and rise above. YOU are not the one who should be feeling bad. IMO, he is behaving a bit oddly. If it really is a terrible day, then I'd maybe avoid this type of situation in the future.

Something else occurs (sorry if I am wide of the mark):

Did your dad ever look for his son, and do you know how his son felt about his dad?

If this man is in any way resentful, I am wondering if he is maybe playing divisive games

Sorry about your dad's death.

TheLadyEvenstar Wed 24-Jun-09 21:26:39

Screaming until he was 16 my dad sent him cards and gifts, we find out now that he never recieved them....

I wrote to him every year on his b'day, christmas, easter etc and no reply ever because they never made it to him.

screamingabdab Thu 25-Jun-09 08:18:24

What a sad situation for your "brother". And it seems you have gone to a lot of effort to try and include him in your life.

How are you feeling about the party now ?

Longtalljosie Thu 25-Jun-09 08:21:56

You should go, for your nephew's sake. And because all this will get a lot more awkward if you don't.

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