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to feel cross about people not turning up?

(17 Posts)
gonaenodaethat Tue 23-Jun-09 13:37:00

I had a significant birthday this weekend and so had a do in a restaurant. Nothing fancy, just dinner, drinks etc. Anyway I've realised that 8 people who RSVP'd that they were coming just didn't show up. 4 separate couples.

I'm not really that bothered that they couldn't come - we all have childcare problems etc - but not one of them texted or called to let me know before or to explain after.

Now, besides the cost involved as I had paid for them all in advance, is this not really rude?

Do I mention it when I see them, not the money, obviously, just a "oh, I missed you on Saturday" or just pretend that I didn't notice?

Need some perspective please!!

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Tue 23-Jun-09 13:39:02

YANBU - that is rude

I would also be very cross about money I'd forked out on the basis that they said they were coming.

chipkid Tue 23-Jun-09 13:39:25

yes I think this is bloody rude-I would ask them where they were and tell them they missed a good party

hope you had a great time

Rosa Tue 23-Jun-09 13:39:30

Very rude ..if it was a last minute problem then even a call or text or even a phone call the next day to say sorry I couldn't make it ....

lynniep Tue 23-Jun-09 13:41:24

Rude, extremely rude. if its a planned event and people said they would be coming then they should have let you know if they couldnt make it. I assume they knew you would have to cover costs in advance?

Mention it definately. If they dont bring up the money issue themselves then they are more than rude. They are ignorant and just downright selfish.

goldrock Tue 23-Jun-09 13:43:13

YANBU - very rude but its funny that 4 couples all didn't let you know, could they have got the date wrong ? And even more rude not to have contacted you since to apologise. I was recently invited to a party and at the last minute couldn't make it, it wasn't in a restuarant or I would have felt really bad and it wasn't anyone I knew well (DH of an aquaintance) and I still sent apologies via a mutul friend on the night and apologised to the aquaintance the next time I saw her.

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Jun-09 13:43:45

That is extremely rude and I think you should definately mention it to them!

FiveGoMadInDorset Tue 23-Jun-09 13:43:49

Very rude, you could also say that it was such a shame that you couldn't turn up, if you had let me know I could have asked someone else as the meal was all paid for.

TheChilliMoose Tue 23-Jun-09 13:48:58

That's very, very rude. I would mention it. I hope you had a good time anyway.

flockwallpaper Tue 23-Jun-09 13:53:01

Yes, it's rude for sure, I hope it didn't spoil your evening though.

gonaenodaethat Tue 23-Jun-09 16:38:46

It didn't. I had a fab time.

I didn't notice until I thought about it the next day tbh.

One couple has rung saying they got the date wrong. DH says they're 'doing a Larry David' and something better came up. I don't know tho, will give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you've ever seen that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm then you'll appreciate his comment!

Kimi Tue 23-Jun-09 16:41:10

YANBU I would ask them for the money that you lost

mamas12 Tue 23-Jun-09 20:48:19

Ask them for the money and they will think better of doing it again and then if you invite them to anything else in the future ask them for a deposit.

Happy birthday!!

Grendle Tue 23-Jun-09 20:51:11


A friend had a major birthday party last year and asked for numbers for catering. One third of the people who accepted didn't show, though in some cases it was illness and they did let her know on the day itself. There was tonnes of buffet.

It seems this sort of rudeness is becoming increasingly common sad.

Sidge Tue 23-Jun-09 21:02:14

Next time you see or speak to the absent couples, shriek loudly:

"Oh my GOD I thought you were both DEAD!! as you didn't turn up or call to let me know you weren't coming so I thought something TERRIBLE must have happened!!" etc etc

And watch them squirm... grin

gonaenodaethat Tue 23-Jun-09 23:02:10

Good idea Sidge. Might just do that. Don't think I can be that evil though.

SecretNinjaChipmunk Tue 23-Jun-09 23:41:38

i think i'm with fivegomad on this one, her suggestion should make them feel suitably crap. happy birthday, glad you had a lovely time!

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