to shout at dc everyday because they won't respect what I say otherwise?

[strawberryplanter]

I have a good relationship on the whole with my 4 dc age 5-11. When I ask them nicely they invariably ignore me but if I get angry and shout they respond straightaway.

They all have to get ready for school, do hw, all the usual things, but I would love it if I did not have to be cross all the time. Don't get me wrong, we do have fun too and laugh and do lots together.

It's not good for me nor them to think their mum is so angry all the time.

Tips please. Are there any mums out there who never ever shout?

[NoseyHelen]

I know what you mean. I shout far too much and wish I could float around serenely like the earth mother I aspire to be...

[strawberryplanter]

Let's help each other out then.

Task 1: Tomorrow, let's use the 'Disney mother' voice and battle extreme provocation with deep breathing ok?

[MissSunny]

Message withdrawn

[mamas12]

Try whispering what you want them to do and see what happens

[Poppity]

I tried that, I just ended up whispering REALLY LOUD

DD will listen to Disney mummy(lol) voice. DSs won't, they have to know I'm really serious before they do as they are asked/hurry up etc.

I hate it too, in fact I have to work myself up into crossness sometimes to get them off their arses motivated.

There are teachers, though, who can take control with just a look, where others are shouting and issuing threats. It must be a presence thing? I want some, whatever it is.

[strawberryplanter]

Yes we need advice from the quiet authoritarians.

[mamas12]

do you give them consequences?
eg you need to get dressed now or I will have to take you in your pj/
And then take them in their pjs (putting clothes in car to dress in = optional)
Calmly carry out the consequence as if it;s the most normal thing in the world. telling them it was their choice. Don't get riled just carry on I find himming helps a lot/

[mamas12]

my spelling sorry!

[mamas12]

Ha well me too really but I do the other consequence thing too I am a multi tasker shouty whispery parent,
Think I'll go to bed now

[SOLOisMeredithGrey]

I'm always shouting at my Ds...makes me bloody mad constantly repeating myself to him.

[mrsruffallo]

I shout at bed time

[thirtypence]

I don't shout but I do use my teacher voice.

I am also taking baby steps in making ds responsible for his own life. Last night we had a whinge of "I didn't get a house point because you didn't sign my prep diary". To which I simply replied - well you will need to bring it to me and check I do it then won't you?

He is also responsible for his own soccer kit. I make sure he has boots and shin pads or else he can't play - but if he has to go on in his underpants because he left his shorts on his bedroom floor so be it.

I have seen a family have a getting ready checklist for the mornings. The last item on it was "watch tv". Now this wouldn't work for me - but this mother had 3 children all getting breakfast, getting dressed, packing bags etc. in competition with each other so they could be the first to the TV and get to choose the channel.

[weegiemum]

I also don't shout , but use my teacher voice (honed on 10 years of teaching teenagers).

Kids prefer Daddy shouting to Mummy speaking in a teacher voice!

Amazing how quickly they do what I say when I say "I will have to be a teacher if you don't"

Not sure how to acquire a teacher voice if you are not a teacher .... but it works here!

[thirtypence]

I love my teacher voice.

[RoseOfTheOrient]

I want a teacher voice too
All I have is a fishwife voice....oh and a screaming banshee voice....my DCs just make a face at me and ignore...

[strawberryplanter]

Well! Tried my disney mum/ no shouting/deep breathing under extreme provocation/voice this morning and they said it was irritating!

I said I wasn't shouting, they said yes but it's really annoying.

We do all that consequence thing, get up bath/shower if not done the night before/brush hair/ breakfast/ clean teeth/tidying up and away/music practice before school I just got them up a bit earlier (7am)

One or two of them managed to have a go on the computer as that is the reward if they've done all what they're supposed to.

I don't take them to school (my threat) if the house is a bombsite and that seems to scare them into action.

Dh cross with dd1 as left water on bathroom floor after bath but I am happy to report no shouts from me!

Now have to perfect a voice that sounds sweet.

I tried whispering once, they accused me of spitting at them

[thefortbuilder]

i shout so much at ds1

am trying firm but fair tone not volume today...wait for screaming banshee to kick in at dinner time when yet again he WILL NOT eat what i have lovingly prepared for him!

[Poppity]

I have returned for solutions, but just find lots of other Mums making me feel normal, thank you!

[giraffesCantRunA10k]

I have a teacher voice too and it usually starts with "Excuse me..."

[Dysgu]

I use my teacher voice - just have to remember not to use it on DP too much though

[strawberryplanter]

Ok more teachery voice tips please!

I used to teach and had no problems whatsoever with discipline, might be because everyone was foreign as it was English as a Foreign Language!

So it's a peculiarly teaching Children thing. I have pitch, tone, and volume to work on.

I'll try a higher pitch, and try not to allow sarcasm/irritation/extreme provocation to affect the tone (as admittedly, that was affecting the no shouting voice this morning)

[SOLOisMeredithGrey]

I use my prison officers voice!