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aibu to have sent DD to bedroom with no dinner!

(30 Posts)
pickyvic Mon 22-Jun-09 18:46:31

or do i relent. she is nearly 12.

ive been at work all day. get home to do dinner and she says she doesnt want curry. ok says i, so what do you want. she says she will get something later. too knackered to argue (i usually make one meal and its eat it or starve!) i let her off. all the while im cooking it im asking do you want something now or later? she says later.
so as soon as my backside touches the chair to eat mine she suddenly needs feeding.
i said wait until ive eaten then ill do something and she flounces that its ok she'll not have anything then - really stroppy! so ive smacked her bum (first time EVER) and sent her to her room saying she can do exactly that and have nothing!!
she really ticked me off! we normally get on really well but tonight she is lucky she just got a tap on the arse tbh...
so do i relent now? was i being unreasonable? i think im a bit pmt-ish...
please be gentle if you think im totally out of order....

mumblechum Mon 22-Jun-09 18:47:58

Why didn't you tell her to make herself beans on toast/omelette? At 12 she's easily old enough to make herself something, and i would have thought way too old for smacking!

londonone Mon 22-Jun-09 18:48:01

She won't starve.

burningupinspeed Mon 22-Jun-09 18:48:09

God no, you do NOT relent. You're not a slave, answering at every beck and call. You gave her more than enough chances.

belgo Mon 22-Jun-09 18:49:18

Can't she make herself a sandwich?

monkeyfacegrace Mon 22-Jun-09 18:52:09

Nope, Id say sit on the sofa with a glass of wine, enjoy the soaps and let her sulk. When I was 12 I was a stroppy mare too,(and it wasn't that long ago grin) but I can promise you she wont starve, and once she realises that all she has achieved is an empty stomach and the boredom of being confined to her room, she will backtrack!

bubblagirl Mon 22-Jun-09 18:54:05

i would tell her to come and make herself something in all honesty in which i would have said at that time also

she can have toast or sandwich but not a meal as your not going to cook it you eat together or she makes a snack but you will not do it

pointydog Mon 22-Jun-09 18:54:18

I can't believe you smacked her bottom. Age 12?

TequilaMockinBird Mon 22-Jun-09 18:58:15

OMG this is almost the same as my situation last night!

Can't believe you smacked her bottom though hmm

I gave in and made my DD a sandwich in the end!

pickyvic Mon 22-Jun-09 19:00:34

ive never ever smacked her before. (please picture the scene - it wasnt so much a smack as a lunge and duck) i told her to start her own but there wasnt any bread cut...thats why i asked her to wait a mo....

she was just sooooo arsy! i think weve got teenage hormones raging....we normally get on absolutely brilliantly.

ive left her so far.....

largeginandtonic Mon 22-Jun-09 19:01:05

Leave her, no relenting.

She should be making her own tea!

psychomum5 Mon 22-Jun-09 19:02:00

I understand how much pre-teens can wind you up....been there, got the t-shirt, but I do think YABU to have smacked her!

the rest of it, no, she needs to learn that you are not at her back-and-call, but then, its not that late....she will be feeling sick with hunger soon I would think.

if she gets hungry tho, tell her to sort herself out, and clear up after herself....maybe then she will see how much work it takes!

londonone Mon 22-Jun-09 19:02:55

All very well you giving it hmm Tequila! sounds like yours has got you wrapped around her little finger!

pointydog Mon 22-Jun-09 19:03:56

Ignoring the smacking bit for now, I'd leave her for a little while then go up, tell her she can come and maker herself a snack and explain why you were so cross with her earlier. I'd also apologise for the smack and make it clear why I was that frustrated.

ABetaDad Mon 22-Jun-09 19:05:44

Call her down, offer her three choices that are easy for you to make (sandwich, beans on toast omlette, etc.) and then make it for her while she sits at table and watches you.

TequilaMockinBird Mon 22-Jun-09 19:06:32

londonone, I was advised to give her something to eat by other MN'ers, at first I was all for letting her go to bed hungry!

The hmm was at smacking a 12 year old!

pickyvic Mon 22-Jun-09 19:06:59

thanks pd...and everyone.

i will apologise for smacking (or attempting to smack) her. she really has got to 11 without me ever even having tried to wallop her one...honest. it was the tone of voice she used and the just totally wound me up and ive had a shite day to excuse i know but doesnt help. and DH is at work.

ill go and see whats what.

pointydog Mon 22-Jun-09 19:08:39

I do understand the frustration, pick. Can get to us all.

pickyvic Mon 22-Jun-09 19:10:33

im gonna apologise but im not making her anything for her to eat now. ill cut her some bread and she can do beans!

must learn to breathe and walk away!

pointydog Mon 22-Jun-09 19:11:08

yep, if she's nearly 12 she can make her own snack

janeite Mon 22-Jun-09 19:12:39

I wouldn't make her anything. I would however, apologise for the smack and offer her the chance to come down and make herself a sandwich, toast and / or fruit salad etc.

I would also suggest a reasonably early night and tell her that you think she's tired and needs time to rest so that she is less snappy tomorrow! THEN pour yourself a glass of wine or make hot choc for yourself!

psychomum5 Mon 22-Jun-09 19:14:12

just to warn you, if you are PMTish, she might well be too......(I know, happens in this house<<sob>>)

TequilaMockinBird Mon 22-Jun-09 19:16:07

pickyvic, I feel for you, I really do! My DD was horrific last night, she was so arsey I was quite shocked!

It is so frustrating and even worse if you've had a stressful day.

Agree with the others, apologise for the smacking and ask her to come down and make herself something.

At least yours isn't kicking hell out of the walls like mine was! grin

psychomum5 Mon 22-Jun-09 19:16:30

they get PMT before they get periods BTW. mine did for about 2yrs pre-starting....

pickyvic Mon 22-Jun-09 19:16:39

ooooo and i was going T total too....that lasted for 3 days last week and so far 1 this.....bugger! but one wont hurt i guess....right taking your advice. off to say sorry and offer olive branch. she can do her self food and i am gonna have a wee glass of vino...

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