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Why didn't you tell her to make herself beans on toast/omelette? At 12 she's easily old enough to make herself something, and i would have thought way too old for smacking!

She won't starve.

God no, you do NOT relent. You're not a slave, answering at every beck and call. You gave her more than enough chances.

Can't she make herself a sandwich?

Nope, Id say sit on the sofa with a glass of wine, enjoy the soaps and let her sulk. When I was 12 I was a stroppy mare too,(and it wasn't that long ago ) but I can promise you she wont starve, and once she realises that all she has achieved is an empty stomach and the boredom of being confined to her room, she will backtrack!

i would tell her to come and make herself something in all honesty in which i would have said at that time also

she can have toast or sandwich but not a meal as your not going to cook it you eat together or she makes a snack but you will not do it

I can't believe you smacked her bottom. Age 12?

OMG this is almost the same as my situation last night!

Can't believe you smacked her bottom though

I gave in and made my DD a sandwich in the end!

ive never ever smacked her before. (please picture the scene - it wasnt so much a smack as a lunge and duck) i told her to start her own but there wasnt any bread cut...thats why i asked her to wait a mo....

she was just sooooo arsy! i think weve got teenage hormones raging....we normally get on absolutely brilliantly.

ive left her so far.....

Leave her, no relenting.

She should be making her own tea!

I understand how much pre-teens can wind you up....been there, got the t-shirt, but I do think YABU to have smacked her!

the rest of it, no, she needs to learn that you are not at her back-and-call, but then, its not that late....she will be feeling sick with hunger soon I would think.

if she gets hungry tho, tell her to sort herself out, and clear up after herself....maybe then she will see how much work it takes!

All very well you giving it Tequila! sounds like yours has got you wrapped around her little finger!

Ignoring the smacking bit for now, I'd leave her for a little while then go up, tell her she can come and maker herself a snack and explain why you were so cross with her earlier. I'd also apologise for the smack and make it clear why I was that frustrated.

Call her down, offer her three choices that are easy for you to make (sandwich, beans on toast omlette, etc.) and then make it for her while she sits at table and watches you.

londonone, I was advised to give her something to eat by other MN'ers, at first I was all for letting her go to bed hungry!

The was at smacking a 12 year old!

thanks pd...and everyone.

i will apologise for smacking (or attempting to smack) her. she really has got to 11 without me ever even having tried to wallop her one...honest. it was the tone of voice she used and the flouncing....it just totally wound me up and ive had a shite day to boot...no excuse i know but doesnt help. and DH is at work.

ill go and see whats what.

I do understand the frustration, pick. Can get to us all.

im gonna apologise but im not making her anything for her to eat now. ill cut her some bread and she can do beans!

must learn to breathe and walk away!

yep, if she's nearly 12 she can make her own snack

I wouldn't make her anything. I would however, apologise for the smack and offer her the chance to come down and make herself a sandwich, toast and / or fruit salad etc.

I would also suggest a reasonably early night and tell her that you think she's tired and needs time to rest so that she is less snappy tomorrow! THEN pour yourself a glass of wine or make hot choc for yourself!

just to warn you, if you are PMTish, she might well be too......(I know, happens in this house<<sob>>)

pickyvic, I feel for you, I really do! My DD was horrific last night, she was so arsey I was quite shocked!

It is so frustrating and even worse if you've had a stressful day.

Agree with the others, apologise for the smacking and ask her to come down and make herself something.

At least yours isn't kicking hell out of the walls like mine was!

they get PMT before they get periods BTW. mine did for about 2yrs pre-starting....

ooooo and i was going T total too....that lasted for 3 days last week and so far 1 this.....bugger! but one wont hurt i guess....right taking your advice. off to say sorry and offer olive branch. she can do her self food and i am gonna have a wee glass of vino...