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to resent my (fairly distant) friend always giving elaborate birthday presents to me and my children?

(19 Posts)
emkana Sun 21-Jun-09 21:03:30

It was her birthday yesterdat. I have neither the time nor the inclination nor the money to get a present for her. Tbh our friendship is thus that to me even a card seems too much, a phone call would do. But because she always goes to so much trouble (handmade cards, inexpensive but carefully chosen presents, handmade gift bags!) I feel obliged to retaliate. grr

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 21-Jun-09 21:13:46

Retaliate? Don't you mean "reciprocate"? grin

So, did you?

MIAonline Sun 21-Jun-09 21:14:18


How can you resent her being thoughtful?

If you don't want to reciprocate, then don't, but don't put the fact that you feel guilty about not wanting to reciprocate on to her iyswim?

AbricotsSecs Sun 21-Jun-09 21:15:28

Message withdrawn

Thunderduck Sun 21-Jun-09 21:16:05


MrsMcCluskey Sun 21-Jun-09 21:17:44

maybe she is the sort of person that gets pleasure from giving.
She doesnt necessarily expect you to return.
Your post sounds a bit mean tbh.

pippibluestocking Sun 21-Jun-09 21:18:12

It doesn't sound like you are really her friend. Don't get angry by her thoughtfulness and kindness, just do what you want to do and chill!

sunburntats Sun 21-Jun-09 21:21:05

i know what you mean i have a pal like this.

I jsut feel embarrased that i cant reciprocate.

I do think that my friend is like this with every one she knows, not just us.
She is by nature a kind and generous person.

It amazes me how she thinks of these things becuase she is so clever at it!

emkana Sun 21-Jun-09 21:40:00


Had very busy weekend and have not done anything for her birthday yet.

Will probably take card round tomorrow, possibly flowers.

And I think she does it for attention.

TotalChaos Sun 21-Jun-09 21:42:00

presumably there must be something else amiss in the friendship for you to resent reciprocating?

magicOC Sun 21-Jun-09 21:44:38

The pleasure is in the giving, not receiving IMO.

It's obviously something she enjoys doing, i'm a bit like that, and I would be so embarassed if I found out I was offending a friend. If I see something I know her or the DCs would love and I could afford it, then I buy (I dont go too OTT tho as she may feel i'm rubbing her nose in it that I can afford).

If your friend were annoyed you didn't give her then i'm sure she would stop.

emkana Sun 21-Jun-09 21:52:08

Yes as usual the written word doesn't do the situation justice - I'm not really as mean as I sound on this thread honest.

Once she brought a present round for my dd, who had turned 5. The card showed a picture of, I think, a dragon speaking to a witch or some such. She said to my dd's "so what could they be saying to each other?" My girls just looked at her in silence. She turned to me and said "well my dd had sooooooooooo many brilliant ideas what they might be saying..."

just one example.

When her dd outgrew nappies she brought round a packet which had a few nappies missing, asked me whether I wanted it. I said yes sure. She then said Well given that x nappies are missing and I paid x amount you owe me £ x for it. hmm So not so generous then...

Will you let me off now or shall I go on?

Portofino Sun 21-Jun-09 21:55:34

Sorry, but i have a very well off friend who lives abroad. When we got married she bought us lovely John Lewis stuff, when dd was born she sent gorgeous things, when we went to stay with her we had little baskets of lovely smellies/socks and dvds and things for dd. She is one of those people who loves doing stuff like that.

I don't think I have ever bought her anything bar Belgian chocolates. When it is her birthday, I send our love. Actually we will see her next month, as she will be in the South of France at the same time as us, and we plan to meet up. This thread is a good reminder that i should buy her something small lovely to show my appreciation of the friendship....

moondog Sun 21-Jun-09 21:57:03

She sounds liek a weirdy and I can vouch personally for Emkana who is a very nice woman.
(Or truckdriver.)

Portofino Sun 21-Jun-09 21:57:38

Sorry OP read your last post. She can feck off!

moondog Sun 21-Jun-09 21:59:24

My heart sinks when peopel give me presents.
Secretly ,I think 'God no, I don't want any tatt or even expensive tatt in my house.'

emkana Sun 21-Jun-09 22:19:13

I thank you

Surfermum Sun 21-Jun-09 22:22:13

Sounds like retaliate was the right word after all grin.

TotalChaos Mon 22-Jun-09 14:17:00

right, so she is edgeing into frenemy territory then by the sounds of it!

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