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To invite the whole of Mumsnet to come judge my Ex-P?

(107 Posts)
madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 08:51:59

This will probably make more sense to those posting on the Emotional Abuse thread.

Today is a difficult day for me.
Ex-P is getting "handfasted" to OW today. Apparently this is because she thinks she's terminally ill. They are doing this in front of people from the poetry world, none of whom have a clue what he is really like.

He left me in January after several weeks of "we should just be friends".
Logically I am well shot of him. I DO know this!
this was a good example of his behaviour.
DD was ten months old. sad
When he gets her pg, as he surely will, this will make six DC's to four different mothers.

He is 51 fgs. I recently spoke to his ex-wife who says he was controlling and abusive to her as well and that his 21 yr old son now thinks he's a joke.

Yes, I am hurting, yes I am wishing I had never met him (if not for my beautiful DD its my favourite fantasy).
And yes it will make me feel a whole lot better if you tell me what a twunt he is!

GeckoLovingHornedThing Sat 20-Jun-09 08:58:19

he is a prize dickhead

and wtf is handfasted??

moondog Sat 20-Jun-09 08:59:50

What a cock and whatever were you doing with him in the first place???

BakewellTarts Sat 20-Jun-09 09:00:59

Certainly better off without.

Handfasting = celtic marriage (I think)

thesockmonsterofdoom Sat 20-Jun-09 09:02:10

twunt, hope that helps smile

cyteen Sat 20-Jun-09 09:02:59

Blimey, I didn't realise that was you! No need for further explanation, your ex is an utter wankstain. You, on the other hand, are an intelligent and witty woman. Be well shot of him

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Sat 20-Jun-09 09:07:04

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madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 09:07:41

Handfasted is a commitment ceremony. She is not divorced from her ex-husband.

Moondog, I know. But when I met him he was living in the family home. He'd been married for 18 years. I met his kids and his wife who was lovely to me. I even stayed in their house. He presented himself as the neglected husband who was the heart of the house. He was completely believable and I was vulnerable at the time and totally fell for it.

His ex-wife told me recently that he'd threatened to move out if she didnt let me visit and stay over. They were living seperate lives and he had his own bit of the house and I thought it was a civil arrangement.
Well their marriage WAS over - she'd decided that after years of abuse, but who would want the new gf coming to stay??? I realise that NOW but I was SO ignorant then.

He'd basically blackmailed her in order to present this cosy setup to me and "look what a good dad I am" angry

KiwiKat Sat 20-Jun-09 09:08:01

You're well shot of him - thank your lucky stars.

madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 09:09:39

Thank you everyone - keep it coming!

themoon Sat 20-Jun-09 09:14:04

Gosh was a twat. I remember your birth/DSD attending thread too and was very glad it all turned out well for you smile

madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 11:22:57

It could be worse. I chose not to live with him - we did do, pre-DD and he was controlling and physically abusive. He pretended to accept my decision but thought I'd move in with him once I had DD.

I know, I know...why did I have DD with him? She was planned. I thought he'd changed.

I didnt know then what I know now about abuse.

I am going to have to try very hard to stop myself from laughing when it all goes tits-up, because it will.
But with any luck iwill have moved on and wont even care.

caramelwaffle Sat 20-Jun-09 11:59:20

He is a twat of the highest order. Good luck with your new life.

(And yes. Not moving in together again will always be one of the best decisions you ever made. Read your other thread and I have to say "shock" )

And his new life will end in disaster. Soooo predictible. Men like this are so charming to their new -victim- wife.

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps Sat 20-Jun-09 12:10:39

Handfasting. <snurk> Can just picture it....

(Actually sounds like the sort of thing my eldest brother would do. He's 50 and an ageing hippy)

Your xp is a Pillock.

(V harsh criticism in PRSB's world)

Oh god. Am now imagining a group of ageing hippies soulfully reading poetry to each other as your xdp gets handfasted.

They might even declaim.

(PRSB is getting carried away, snurking and snorting too much so will leave)

madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 12:23:54

No no, stay PRSB, snurking and snorting - all good here. smile

FairLadyRantALot Sat 20-Jun-09 12:29:01

god...he sounds like a are lucky to be rid of him...but I feel sorry for his next victim...

madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 12:42:34

I just re-read that thread.
I cant believe I ever thought he was a good father!!!!.
It wasnt concern for his DD that motivated him, it was fear of losing face/control over the situation.
Telling me if I had never spoken up everything would be all right angry.

He is a shit father. When DD comes to his now she spends her time on the internet and watching DVD's.
There is a park round the corner from his house. When her Mum asked her how often he took her there, she said she hadnt been before. sad

When we were together we had a car so went to lots of places with DSD when she visited. Now he doesnt have the car (it was mine) so cant be arsed. angry

alicet Sat 20-Jun-09 12:50:20

Yes he is a gade A twat. Didn't see your other thread before but just read it completely incredulous at many things but top of the list had to be that gem 'I hope you die' a couple of days before the birth of dd.

Actually twat is far too polite for him.

Good luck to you and your dd

alicet Sat 20-Jun-09 12:51:04

Clearly grade A twat - not gade

RumourOfAHurricane Sat 20-Jun-09 12:51:55

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Nahui Sat 20-Jun-09 12:53:37

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MachuPicchu Sat 20-Jun-09 12:57:43

You're right, he is a twunt, and good for you for getting out of that.

I have been to a handfasting and it was really lovely... agree with Nahui that this situation does make a mockery of such a ceremony.

Lulumama Sat 20-Jun-09 13:01:56

shame another woman has been pulled in by him. he must be very convincing

may i be bold and ask why she thinks she is terminally ill? surely one knows these things for certain, having been diagnosed and given a prognosis etc..

you are well shot of him, for an old hippy, who should be kindly and big hearted he is selfish, immature knobber, isn't he?

don't allow him to hurt you anymore, you should be feeling relief that he is not your partner anymore

madameovary Sat 20-Jun-09 13:15:10

Lulumama, I am relieved, but it is the nature of abusive relationships that they leave you questioning yourself.
He did a number on me, he really did sad

He is VERY convincing, not least because he is willing to manipulate and lie to others to get his own way and present a kind/caring/loving facade.

He's a depressive and I let it excuse a lot of his behaviour...but now I know that his behaviour was a choice.

Oh and he doesnt know that I know it's today. I found out by accident.

As for OW, I dont know if any of it is true re the dying thing. He could just be saying that so he has an excuse to commit to her so soon in the eyes of everyone else.

Its classic abuse behaviour - they look for a sign that you are dependent on them in as many ways as possible so they are free to control you. She is definitely very emotionally involved. I have met her and she looks creepily like me.

God these people must be thick to think he's a decent guy when he left his partner of several years and a 10 month old baby to publicly commit to someone he'd only known six month.

But from what I've seen they are a dysfunctional bunch and quite willing to sleep with whoever it takes to get published {shudder}

Really, the upset is because we have a DD together. I would dearly love it if I never had to see him again. In fact I am trying to think of a way to do just that without DD suffering for it. sad

Lulumama Sat 20-Jun-09 13:19:09

i feel for you. it is a horrible situation, you can see so clearly, as can his ex W and older son.. you can see what a twunt he is.

there is not a lot you can do

warning her off will make you look bitter

best revenge is to live well and happily

does he want contact with DD? would she be better off without contact? i know that is contentious, but he does not sound at all interested in being a father, once the conception stage is over with

i still cna't beleive he thought an 8 year old should be with you at the birth of your DD

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