To think driving 6 hours is excessive

[Aeschylus]

Need help!!!

DW and me have been locked in battle over a party tomorrow...

DW's Dad, has some sort of mystical hold over DW, despite them only seeing each other 2 or 3 times a year...

he told DW a few months ago about this party @ Chigwell, London he was having, we live in North Norfolk..

I estimate will take 3 hours each way, party is from 1-8pm, however we have a 15 month old, who does not do well if his routine is messed up, and is very clingy, and hates strange men... and this week is cutting a double tooth...

so is generally ficking misreable, I look after DS full time DW works....

at present he goes to sleep at approx 7.30, DW wants to go to party and leave at 6pm, I said no way can we keep him awake for a 3 hour journey on way home, and from previous experience he will wake up when we try to get him out of car, and not go back to sleep...

he is a light sleeper, and once woken can take a while to get him off again

so I said I dont want to go, cue fireworks...all week....

I have offered to go but we levae at 4pm, this was not acceptable

I have offered just for DW to go, this was not acceptable.

I have offered for Nan to sit and me and DW can go, this was not acceptable...

DW has gone out tonight and has charged me with finding away that we can go, I have said unless you pull a helicopter out of your ass, we aint going....

she tried talking to her Dad last night, and he was like "chrildren get sick", "chrildren teeth", "no traffic in London on a sataurday".

so we have reached deadlock, DW said we will just have to put with DS being grumpy for a few days after party, I said no, that is not fair...

what do I do, please help!!!!!

am I really being unreasonable, I am the original billy no mates, so could do with some outside opinion please.

[Kbear]

FGS go, it's family, it's her Dad, it's one day of your life, your child will cope.

[fucksticks]

Go and leave at 7pm or 7.30pm so its ok if he sleeps in the car

[CurryMaid]

Can't you just let your wife deal with getting him back to sleep if she's so desperate to go?

[FlappyTheBat]

Does he sleep in the car?

If he does, I wouldn't worry about going to the party, children are adaptable and do cope with the occasional blip in their routine.

Get him ready for bed when you are at the party and as much as you possibly can that is similar to his bedtime routine. Then, even if it means leaving a little bit early, put him in the car and he should sleep on the way back home.

We used to travel vvv long distances with dd1 as lived 500 miles from our house and used to drive back home every 4-6 weeks, we just did what we had to do and didn't worry too much about her not being in a routine for 1 day.

[kylesmybaby]

of course you should go and support her. its her dad.

ds not liking 'strange men' - he should not be a stanger - its his grandad.

you cant put your life on hold because of ds's routine. are you just thinking of excuses not to go??

[HeadFairy]

I would go I'm afraid. I think it's no bad thing that your ds gets used to the occasional interruption to his routine. Life is like that. I always used to fret masses about messing with ds's routine and every time I have done he's surprised me at his adaptability. Your ds may surprise you. Take his pyjamas, try to stick to his normal routine (tea at the same time, bath/book/bottle etc) and get him nice and comfy in the car so hopefully he'll fall asleep as you drive home.

[Aeschylus]

that is what my DW keeps saying, chrildren cope, but he does not like travel, he is very active and after about 1 hour mins in child seat, he lets you know he wants to get out...

[HeadFairy]

Does he have a favourite cd of nursery rhymes or something similar? Some soothing music or classical music you can play in the car? That might help relax him a bit more and perhaps fall asleep.

I'd still go I'm afraid. I'm all for parents making sacrifices for their children, but when those children run your life it's time to start taking charge I think.

[ChippingIn]

I understand where you are coming from, it's awful knowing you are going to do something that will make them sleep badly and be grumpy for a day or two. However, they do change along the way and you don't know that he wont go back to sleep this time, just because he didn't last time. So if it was something I thought was worth it, I'd do it. Family occasion, wedding, day out that was fun for everyone - whatever, but 'worth it' would be the key. To me, this party doesn't seem to be 'worth it' to you. You don't say if it's a party for children or adults... ?

If the party isn't for children (or if it's an adult party but there will be lots of cousins etc there), then you have given your wife some good options.

However, does she want to take your son so that her family can see him?

Sorry, I am wavering between YABU and YANBU - need more details

You have given your wife every possible option but the one she wants

[Morloth]

How long are you intending to live your life according to this routine? It sounds really strict.

Why not get a hotel room in London for the evening and drive back on Sunday?

[shootfromthehip]

I'm with the pack the car and go brigade. We've all been there where we optomistically get the LO's in their pj's before you leave, hoping that they will nod off and you'll simply transfer them to bed and NEVER ONCE has it actually worked but it is only one night.

Do you not want to go because of her Dad or because you can't be arsed or because you don't want your LO to be seen in a bad light?

Is there another issue here?

[makipuppy]

How about leaving tonight and staying in a nice hotel?

[Podrick]

Your DS may well be upset by a change to routine and I appreciate this is a bit of a price to pay...but his routine is not sacred and a family party that is important to your DW is worth making an effort for imo.

Sounds as though you don't anticipate enjoying it much yourself?

[Blu]

Oh, I would dread the drive, and think it a long way to go for a part, BUT sometimes you have to do these things fo family. Can you not stay overnight?

2-3 times a year is not often to see your dad or your DS's grandad.

I fully understand your dread, but think you have to make it happen if she feels strongly about it.

What sort of party is it?

I honestly would have thought leaving at 7.30 and letting him sleep in the car on the way home would work.

[alarkaspree]

Agree with fucksticks and sazzles. If you leave at his normal bedtime he will fall asleep in the car, and probably barely wake up when you put him into bed. If it's hard to get him back to sleep it's not the end of the world. It seems unlikely that it will cause him to be grumpy for 'a few days'.

Dh and I fretted endlessly about dd's bedtime when we went to my sister's wedding, in the end she stayed up until 11ish, the life and soul of the party, and slept a little later the next day. It won't be as bad as you think.

[FlappyTheBat]

Go to a chemist, lie about his age and give him some medised, that should keep him quiet!

I am only joking about the medised, allow extra time for your journey going to the party and stop for about 20-30mins, but I do think you are worrying just slightly too much about a reasonably short journey.
Our "commute" would take 8-10 hours and we did this every month for a year and a half. Children are more resilient than you think.
If he cries, stick the radio on and loud!! You can't hear them crying as much.

On the way back home, it will be close to his bedtime,so he should sleep, if he doesn't, it really doesn't matter.

[bamboobutton]

have you driven there before?

i ask because i used to live in north norfolk too and to drive to chigwell be two hours max in the car, unless you hit traffic.

we drive from surrey to N,norfolk all the time and that takes 3 hours.

[plimple]

What time does he have a sleep in the afternoon? I'd plan to travel there during that and back at 7:30 in PJs.
Actually that's silly. I'd go tonight, stay over and then travel back at bedtime. My DD gets travel sick so we always travel at night.

[BONKERZ]

book a travel lodge about an hour away, travel to the lodge tomorrow and book in then change and go party then stay at the lodge tomorrow night and travel home next day!

[notevenamousie]

If the genders were reversed, I think we'd be saying YANBU, just leave at 5 and come home...
But then I hate taking my dd (PFB) to parties/ weddings, etc... at least I have no-one to consult on the matter!