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To not want to buy my cheating h a fathers day gift.

(28 Posts)
self Fri 19-Jun-09 17:40:31

my h was having a "an emotional affair with his trainee who knew that he was a married man am getting over it slowly did ask him for a divorce 3 times this past month as am very angry he says they were texts only.
I feel like not buying a gift as i feel he does not deserve it or am i ?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 19-Jun-09 17:42:51

He's not your father, he's your husband. It's Father's Day, not Husband's Day. No gift, no problem.

self Fri 19-Jun-09 17:43:54

well we have a son who is under 2 what do i do? old.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 19-Jun-09 17:46:06

You buy a card from him and give it to your husband. Don't use your son, you begin to lose any moral highground.

sunfleurs Fri 19-Jun-09 17:46:55

I have been and am in this position. Until my children are old enough to buy cards and gifts themselves I will do it for them. I do it with gritted teeth though.

Try to think of it as doing it for your ds to enjoy giving his dad a card/gift whatever rather than your h. Makes it a bit easier.

self Fri 19-Jun-09 17:47:37

thanks heca thats sound advice.

Blu Fri 19-Jun-09 17:48:06

Your 2 yo will be oblivious to FD.

If he was aware of it, it would be important to facilitate your DS to make him a card or something., but at 2, it will really be from you, so you have a choice:

Make a card which your DS scibbles in, and add a pic in order to emphasise the full impact of what your h is messing up
Do nothing.

FD is SO over-rated. IMO.

Your h may not even realise it's FD.

Katisha Fri 19-Jun-09 17:48:17

Well if it's any consolation we don't do Father's Day anyway. Can't help feeling it's there for the shops' benefit whereas Mothering Sunday is a proper historical holiday.

coppertop Fri 19-Jun-09 17:49:06

Did he do anything for you on Mothers Day? If not then take the same approach. If he did, then just buy a card and leave it at that.

self Fri 19-Jun-09 17:49:29

hey sun i will grit and buy i wonder how many woman are doing that-as we speak.

sunfleurs Fri 19-Jun-09 17:51:40

I don't really agree with that coppertop. My ex never really did anything for Mothers Day, which was hurtful but for me it is not about that, it is about what my dc want to do and I know they love their dad and want to get him card and little present so I do it for them. If I don't do it because he doesn't do it, it will only be my kids not getting to do something they want to do.

self Fri 19-Jun-09 17:53:17

off to pop dear child in front of night garden back in 30min

coppertop Fri 19-Jun-09 17:53:42

Ah but the OP's little boy is under 2, Sunfleurs. If he were older then I'd agree with you and happily give him what he needed to make a card/gift himself.

ChippingIn Fri 19-Jun-09 17:53:47

You let your son scribble on some paper to 'make a card for Daddy', fold it in half and write a message inside from your son, job done.

If you get past this affair, you might feel more like celebrating Fathers Day next year. When he's earned you putting in effort 'from' your DC. (earned isn't quite the word I want, but you get my drift).

This year your son wont know what's suppose to happen on Fathers Day, so he's not missing out on 'celebrating it'.

2rebecca Fri 19-Jun-09 17:54:56

I never bought my husband cards or gifts when children too young to understand fathers day, same re mothers day. When they understood the idea we'd go out together and choose a card, rarely bothered with gift, or They'd make a card. It was very much from them not me. Don't get these people who buy their spouse cards from babies, agree not husband's day but fathers day. It's meaningless if spouse does it all.
Now I'm divorced I still remind the kids and take them out to buy a card for their dad if they haven't got/ made one.

sunfleurs Fri 19-Jun-09 17:55:30

Well yes, you are right there. The getting the dc to make the card sends its own message as in "the dc did it, not me".

LilTulip Fri 19-Jun-09 17:55:58

What chippingin said!!

self Fri 19-Jun-09 18:11:44

my h parents are visiting and they will spend time with h and ds as i dont get on with them i was thinking of spending the day alone.

TheCrackFox Fri 19-Jun-09 18:11:53

A home made card will suffice.

Do not cook a big breakfast and let him have a lie in.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 19-Jun-09 18:20:30

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn Fri 19-Jun-09 18:22:46

TheCrackFox - if 'self' does that we'll have to track her down and shoot her!!!! shock but I don't think it was something she'd been contemplating!!!!

(tell me it wasn't 'self')

Self - yep, book yourself a lovely day out somewhere if the budget allows, if not go and do something cheap and lovely - curling up in one of the bookstores that let you drink coffee and peruse the books at the same time is one of my favourite 'free' treats

self Fri 19-Jun-09 18:23:58

i like the glitter have glue glitter will put lots of red for danger.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 19-Jun-09 18:25:08

Message withdrawn

2rebecca Fri 19-Jun-09 18:25:09

I think you need to decide whether or not this marriage can work. Staying together whilst being bitter and threatening to leave every now and then is daft. Either you discuss this and move on or you split up. If there's a huge emotional gulf between you and you can't let this emotional affair go then it's never going to work. You need to get emotionally close again so you are both happy in the relationship.
It doesn't sound as though you want this relationship to work any more and want a divorce.
What are you expecting him to do to change your mind?

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 19-Jun-09 18:26:57

Message withdrawn

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