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I'm not even sure what I'm being unreasonable about!

(11 Posts)
Doonhamer Fri 19-Jun-09 17:18:59

A few months ago I lent the mother of one of Ds1 friends £150 to pay her rent. I know her, she's not some random woman who came up to me in playground. Anyway, they were skint at the time, live completely on benefits. However, she has made no attempt to pay any of it back, not even a "here's £20" thing.
She is having a big huge wedding, to which we are invited, along with Dses at night. I've since found out that 5 more of her Dses friends and their parents have been invited.DS1 and her son have played together for ages, but her Ds has got a "girlfriend" I use the term loosely, he's 10, and he often ignores Ds1 to hang around with this girl and the 5 other friends that are invited to the wedding.
I know I'm not coming across very well here.
I'm just feeling a bit annoyed by the whole thing, plus she is ingoring my texts, I ahven't asked for the money back via text, just things like "Hi how you doing". She lives round the corner and i now I could pop in and see her but it also works both ways, it's always me that goes into her house, never the other way round

jugglingwoman Fri 19-Jun-09 17:29:54

She doesn't particularly seem like a friend if she isn't making an effort to pay it back whilst having a bit wedding.

I'd mention to her in passing that you're struggling financially and see what she says. She might just be so busy with the wedding she forgot, she might 'not be able to afford' to pay you back due to the wedding, or, she might just be pretending she's forgotten.

Only one way to find out.

Good luck!

Doonhamer Fri 19-Jun-09 17:34:14

I even offered to show her how to set up a sellers account on ebay, so she could sell a lot of the stuff she has at home - children's clothes etc. She never got back to me on that one.
She doesn't answer her house phone now in case it is someone wanting money from her, and I don't know she will find the £500 deposit for the hotel where the wedding is at.
So, I don't actually think they have much money at all, but even if she said "here's £10 towards what I owe you" but she's never mentioned it for weeks

LilTulip Fri 19-Jun-09 17:34:19

I would concentrate on getting the money back first, If she can afford a huge wedding she can afford to give your money back!!

Perhaps you should go round and see her and tell her you really need the money to pay for "something" I wouldn't ask over text though.

it does sound like she's preoccupied with the wedding and other stuff but totally understand you feel a bit abandoned. she could at least respond with "i'm fine"

It could be she is feeling guilty about not paying the money back/offering and has buried her head in the sand so to speak rather than face up to the fact it needs to be paid, when she has obviously been spending money on the wedding.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 17:36:59

I definitely wouldn't say you were struggling financially whether you are or not.

I would ask her if she has remembered she owes you £150 and when does she think she can start paying it back. Depending on her answer, I would go from there.

LilTulip Fri 19-Jun-09 17:42:58

So she cant actually afford the wedding. Does she owe alot of people?

It sounds like she is not facing up to the fact that she can't actually afford it, but is putting on a front for others.

It may well be she will end up borrowing the deposit as well.

Doonhamer Fri 19-Jun-09 17:43:30

I might pop round tomorrow and say I was "just passing", see if she mentions it

Doonhamer Fri 19-Jun-09 17:46:00

She told me a few weeks ago that her future Ils were quite well off. I said to her to ask them to pay for the wedding, and she said no she wanted to do it herself. I pointed out that she couldn't afford it, she was open that she couldn't aford it. I told her that if she asked them to lend her the money she could pay them back and it wouldn't matter as much as paying back a bank. Then she said she couldn't get a bank loan, and had tried Provident and they turned her down.

LilTulip Fri 19-Jun-09 17:46:19

If she doesn't, you need to broach the subject.
If she thinks you have forgotten or don't mention it, it's likely she won't mention it either. You may well end up never getting back.

LilTulip Fri 19-Jun-09 17:52:26

So where is she going to get the money from?
Her first priority "should" be paying back what she owes. I can see your frustration. It's not nice having to ask.

zeke Fri 19-Jun-09 18:09:45

Gosh - some friend.
Good plan with popping round, if she doesn't mention it then I would.
Maybe something like 'is everything ok? I've obviously noticed that you haven't managed to pay me back any of the money I lent you yet...'
It does sound like she has got herself into a real financial pickle. She is either burying her head in the sand or she is taking you for a ride.
Can you afford to 'lose' this money?

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