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To want DH to quit his job right now even though that would mean he will not get his bonus or retainer?

(12 Posts)
Totallyfloaty35 Fri 19-Jun-09 15:54:01

DH works in music industry so is away alot.The tour he is on now is one of the longest yet.But i cant stand being on my own for much longer.He was away beginning of Feb til mid april, home for 10 days then he went away on dd1s birthday(again) and he is not due home til end of July( will be 14weeks for this leg).DD3 is only 2yrs old,she keeps asking where her daddy is.Im so lonely and just want him to come back now but if he does he loses out on his summer retainer/bonus and as keeps saying he wont look very good just leaving.The thought of another 6wks alone is making me very depressed,i saw a man who looked like him today with a child dd3s age on his shoulders and i burst into tears in the middle of the street.I got home phoned DH and demanded he come home,we had huge row.
I know im being a bit unreasonable,but he never used to tour and i feel like a single parent(who i admire greatly as its such bloody hard work)

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 19-Jun-09 16:03:43

Could he come home for a few days, then go back to work? How much do you need the money/his good reputation?

Kimi Fri 19-Jun-09 16:13:10

It is his job, you just have to grin and bare it TBH

SoupDragon Fri 19-Jun-09 16:15:01

YABU, you know you are but that doesn't stop you feeling cr*p about it. Which isn't much help really. Focus on the fact that he will be back.

moopymoo Fri 19-Jun-09 16:16:34

could you go and rent somewhere near him for a while? I would find this really hard too. I dont think you are being unreasonable however it makes more sense to grin and bear the next six weeks then put stuff in place so that it doesnt happen again.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 19-Jun-09 16:18:05

Ring him back and make up.

Tell him you miss him very much, as does your child, and if he can come home for a few days, can he try but you need to talk about long term trips away from home once he is back.

Things change when you have children.

DrEvil Fri 19-Jun-09 16:19:14

It's shit to have a husband who is away for months but I suck it up and fill my time with other things.

My boys (2 and 4) ask where daddy is all the time but really they know he's working hard for us all and they chat on the phone and we make cards and letters to send to daddy and have loads of photos about.

Did you know what his job entailed before you got married / had kids?

gingernutlover Fri 19-Jun-09 16:21:39

it makes sense for him to finish this particular tour doesnt it? However rubbish it is for you. You sound like you are having a really crao time and I'm sure he doesnt want this to be the case.

However, I think it is unreasonable for him to do this job if there is any other possibility which would pay the bills.

From what you say you are almost a single parent and that is not what being a father is about. Has he other job choices? You say he hasnt always toured, is it since you had dd that this has started?

scaryteacher Fri 19-Jun-09 16:38:37

How long will the touring go on for? I got through sea jobs where dh was away an awful lot, and shore postings where he was away or weekending, or only seeing each other every six weeks, by knowing that in the next couple of years it would change and that he would get a job where he would come home every night.

The bills have to be paid, and if this job does that, then I think you have to live with that as it's not really the time to be kicking in employment.

Maybe if he can get back for the odd night or weekend, it would be better. I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to put up with it.

Totallyfloaty35 Fri 19-Jun-09 16:46:49

He used to Stage manage one venue an do tv stuff but to be honest we struggled on the money.I know im being selfish,he has done the job for years,he started touring 6yrs ago but it was always 4-6wks away then home for a week an so on.This one looked like it had lots of gaps but they filled them up with shows! Cant visit him as got 3dds an they have to go to school,he is never in the same place for more than a day or 2.
I suppose im just feeling a bit down as this year he has only seen us for 6weeks out of more than 6months.Elder dds are used to dad not being away.
I miss him a lot,he is a good dad but this 14wks without seeing dd3 is not good he has missed so much.
We made up,i know he is lonely tosad

Totallyfloaty35 Fri 19-Jun-09 16:49:04

That should say elder dds are used to dad being away,sorry.

gingernutlover Fri 19-Jun-09 16:57:14

glad you spoke to him

sounds like its an ongoing situation then, hopefully this very long job is a one off

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