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to want a day to myself last week

(7 Posts)
pamelat Fri 19-Jun-09 14:17:33

Have posted in bereavement earlier in the week but now sure just want to know whether I am being selfish about next week.

My grandma died last saturday. I am/was very very close to her and missed saying my last goodbyes by 7 minutes but thats my problem/a different story. Anyhow had seen her the night before sad

My work have been amazing. I took Monday and Tuesday off as compassionate leave. I chose to go in on Wednesday to distract me. I only work Mon-Weds.

Monday and Tuesday benefitted me as DD was at nursery and I had time to grieve.

Since then we have a house guest staying and I have had DD to look after. I suddently feel very over whelmed/tired.

I feel like my grandma dying suddenly does not seem real (I was crying but accepting earlier in the week). Now I keep forgetting that I can not see or call her (used to call her every other day).

The funeral is next week on Weds.

My mum has taken all week off work and will be off next week too. Its different for her, its her mum sad so its even worse for her.

Basically I want to take either Mon or Tues off work but feel that I shouldnt. Also selfishly I want to take the day to do my own thing rather than any more funeral arrangements. I just feel I want a day to myself off work without my DD.

But I feel selfish to take time out to do normal stuff. i would like a lazy day at home and maybe a swim (not been able to do anything all week). I want time to just sit and think, sort through photos etc.

Also it would be asking a lot of work because I am only part time? I would be more than happy to book it as leave but feel that I owe it to them to be there (we are busy) because I was off last week. But on the other hand that feels so trivial sad

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 19-Jun-09 14:19:45

Of course you should be able to take some time off for you. It's not selfish, you need to take time to grieve aswell. Give them a call, they will understand.

So sorry to hear about your gran sad

Iklboo Fri 19-Jun-09 14:21:46

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. When my nan died I took the full week off work (she'd lived with my folks since before I was born). After the week was up I took another day off on the Monday just to ander round the streets/shops & spend time alone.
Evil boss sneered 'fancy taking a week off work just because your grandmother died' and was promptly savaged by the union rep and half the other women in the office.
Talk to your boss - you're obviously grieving and aren't yourself.

pamelat Fri 19-Jun-09 14:32:28

Thank you both. I really want a day alone, if just to sleep before the funeral.

I know I have the weekend but DD is around and requires my full emotional attention really. DH may take her off my hands but still, there will still be others around and I would like a day fully alone.

DD is a welcome distraction most of the time but I just want one day.

It has felt surreal today to be out at a toddler group with her singing and laughing when really I "should" be at home crying.

And because we currently have a friend staying, I dont even feel able to cry or have time to myself in the evenings. Its all so rushed.

I'm just tired.

Iklboo Fri 19-Jun-09 14:34:40

This may sound weird - but is there a cheapish b&b or hotel you could book yourself into, just for one night? Take lovely bubble bath, candles, bottle of wine for yourself. Book in, have something to eat and then a nice relaxing bath and some 'alone' time before you go to sleep?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 19-Jun-09 14:43:22

There's no "should", it depends on how you feel. My dad died last year, I didn't cry or shut myself away. You need to do whatever will help you. It does take time for emotions to kick in, assuming they do of course. I just tend to get on with things which works for me. If you need time alone then do this.

fizzpops Fri 19-Jun-09 14:56:17

I regularly take days off work to stuff I need/ want to do when DD is in nursery. It sounds like in this case it is a need rather than a want and I know what you mean about it all seeming unreal. I am the same with any news bad or good. Initially I take it all in my stride and then after a couple of days it is as if my brain needs to backtrack and process it again and again and again.

As for work, it is unfortunate they are busy but how would you react if someone else needed time of due to bereavement? You would probably think, 'How are we going to manage, but I am being selfish worrying about that when they have lost a member of their family.' I'm sure your colleagues will think the same.

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