Sick of DP being scruffy

[FlorenceMorningale]

I'm sick of DP taking no pride in his appearance. He wears t-shirts that are 3 sizes too big for him, old and scruffy ... even to go out in. Jeans that are massive on him, tops with holes in and stains etc ...

When we first met he wore decent clothes and I had no idea he was such a scruff until I moved in with him and found that he had 2 decent items of clothes and the rest was all fit for the bin. Even a charity shop wouldn't take his clothes.

It's got to the point where I begrudge ironing his stuff and I feel embarrassesd being out with him.

AIBU?

[makipuppy]

I bet when he met you two female friends of his took him in hand and hauled him round the shops to kit him out .

[VeryAnnieGertie]

Have you mentioned this to him? does he have self-esteem issues?

[puffylovett]

YANBU imo. I spend hours ironing DP's clothes, and he scrumples them up, stuffs them in a cupboard and then wears them again. Grrr.

Can you buy him the odd nice thing, and surupticiously (sp?) chuck his old stuff out bit by bit ?

[JessJess3908]

Agree with puffy - chuck anything seriously offensive as you're doing the washing. He'll soon run out of clothes and probably ask you to take him shopping.

Since we got together, DP has only ever bought new clothes when I have physically dragged him shopping and told him he is in desperate need of x,y,z.

[JessJess3908]

Has he lost a lot of weight if his clothes are so big?

[puffylovett]

oh and I have insisted on relegating some SERIOUSLY scruffy but much loved t shirts to bed wear only... I still hate seeing them though. Needless to say he doesn't get much hanky panky lol !!

[Stigaloid]

Buy him so clothes then. I buy Dh clothes for his birthday and christmas. he loves it. If you don't like what he is wearing, get him him some new tops as a present.

[mayorquimby]

ybu. and the rest of you sound ridiculous. "chuck his clothes" "i've insisted on relegating". he's a grown man let him wear what he wants.

[toddlerama]

Clothes for Christmas and birthdays solves the 'what to get' dilemma and means he has no excuse to look like a rag and bone man.

[MorningTownRide]

Er- stop ironing them?

[scottishmummy]

couple of points.his attire his problemo
stop doing his ironing,he has hands- use em
as for the chuck out sceanario -menatl,his ckothes his choice if he wants to dress like he feel out a bin that is his chice.you dont need to run around like princess twinkletitts anthea turner sorting a grown man clothes

why are clothes too big,does he buy hastily and not check
has he lost wt
why do you think his grooming has changed

dont buy him nee clothes either.perhaps tactfully suggest some changes.but dont deskill the man and bomb in chucking out and buying anew

so you step back FlorenceMorningale
he needs to figure this out
support him yes, do it for him no

suggest day shopping then nice lunch,pub perhaps
no more irining his stuff

[ScummyMummy]

Scruffy is loads sexier than peacock strutting smart, I reckon. Though a nice pair of well fitting jeans on a bloke is no bad thing, I concede. Take him out to somewhere that will fit him properly for jeans and tell him that you think he could do with some new t-shirts. Then throw away your iron.

[makipuppy]

I had an ex who could not understand why anyone would spend money on clothes while there were books in the shops. He was finally shamed into making some purchases when the concierge in our block offered to look out some of her son's old things (by this time you could read the paper through the seat of his cords).

I agree throwing his clothes away is a bad idea. People become very attached to items. I would say you don't like him being so scruffy and does he want you to get him some new clothes. If he says yes, get them, if he says no, butt out or you'll end up sounding like his mother.

Actually I don't blame him for avoiding the shops. The choice for men is awful. I had to buy DP clothes for his birthday and everything had lots of stuff appliqued or written on it - nothing nice, plain and well-cut. You're either Millets or Disco. Dreadful.

[Kimi]

Dp can be a bit of a scruff, I took his credit card stocked him up with nice new clothes and binned the bad stuff.. job done

[scottishmummy]

amazed some of you clothes shop for your men?why in god's name,are they that helpless?that they cannot undertake some rudimentary purchase without the missus

can they get on/off buses unsupervised?

[scottishmummy]

LOL sorting car not same as picking yer chuddies

[Coalman]

If my h threw out my clothes or tried to tell me what to wear I would feel scared. Try to imagine if a woman on MN posted that her partner had thrown out her clothes and bought new ones that he thought suitable.

However, if he was always scruffy around me, particularly if it was something special I had arranged, I would feel insulted, as I think we dress to the importance of the occasion. So if he was wearing holey, dirty clothes, I would find it hard to think he had much respect for me.

Is it that he just has a different style than you would like? I think you just need to make admiring noises when he wears something nice really.

[Longtalljosie]

Quite right Coalman - you can't just go chucking out your partner's clothes - imagine if they did the same to something you owned they don't like!

My DH dresses very well but is a bit of a hoarder. I am teaching him the cleansing feeling that is the "charity shop run" - in my case to get rid of stuff cluttering up the wardrobe - but could you do one to get rid of the worst of the clothing? He probably hasn't looked properly at his clothes for years, just imagines they look the same as when he bought them.

[scottishmummy]

chosing your partner wardrobe is a bit icky and creepy

i would expect a grown man to be able to independently chose and purchase appropriate attire.with out the missus giving the nod or thummbs down

[mumblechum]

I'd never buy dh clothes, as others have said it infantilises them imo.

Equally he'd never buy me anything to wear as he knows I hate it when ;my mum buys me clothes.

You could offer to go with him when he goes shopping. DH buys 2 big loads of clothes a year and I usually chum him but he doesn't really ask my opinion, he basically replaces x pairs of trousers & shirts with what look to me like identical stuff.