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Mums with more than 3dc's - why does is seem socially unacceptable to have more than 3?

(126 Posts)
igglepigglegotobed Fri 19-Jun-09 09:18:50

When I was pregnant with my 3rd I got comments like "oh your going to be busy". Now the fourth is on it's way I cant tell you how many people have asked me if I know what contraception is. I have even been asked if they share the same dad!shock

In my area in particular it seems people get the "vicky pollard" impression of anyone who has a number of children.

Would it be unreasonable to start wearing my hair in a high ponytail? What do MN's think?

Yeah or but no grin

4andnotout Fri 19-Jun-09 09:20:35

I have 4dd's apparently it is because im trying for a boy hmm
and there was me thinking i just want a large family grin

whyme2 Fri 19-Jun-09 09:23:42

I often get the "oh you're busy/got your hands full" comments. And people alwasy feel free to ask if I'm having more. Why are they so concerned?
I do get 'looks' when we are out and about. I think that is mostly becasue I have 4 under 6.
And we only got a tv after dc4 was concieved.

glaskham Fri 19-Jun-09 09:24:36

I only have 3 but i get the same comments all the time... it may be because i'm a bit younger (24 with youngest DC being 4mths) but i get comments all the time.

When people say 'you've got your hands full' i always say 'not really i've been blessed with well behaved DC's'... I know some people try and say it in a nice way- but i mean once you have once DC you're life is busy enough, doesn't make much difference if its one or 5 IMO- you're still gonna be busy!! why do some people think they have a right to comment and make judgments!!??

Mybox Fri 19-Jun-09 09:26:01

I was asked these questions as well iggle - best is to ask the questions back.

I don't see whats wrong with having a large family?

stroppyknickers Fri 19-Jun-09 09:27:02

ummm, maybe because it's true? And an easy way of interacting with fellow humans? I have never taken offence at the 'you've got your hands full' thing because a) I do and b) then I have a nice chat with some old dear/ young man/ other mum about children.

whyme2 Fri 19-Jun-09 09:32:37

Of course I freely admit to having my hands full, just take a look at the state of my house wink
I think most people are just being freindly rather than negative. But I don't like the total stranger asking if I'm having more. that just feels too intrusive.

sweetnitanitro Fri 19-Jun-09 09:34:02

I still can't get over the things some people will say to pregnant women hmm what's wrong with a polite 'congratulations'? If I were in your position and someone asked me if all my kids had the same dad I would find it pretty tough to restrain myself from slapping them, how bloody rude angry

Anyway, congrats on expecting number 4 grin

heartmoonshadow Fri 19-Jun-09 09:36:15

Hi,

I love people with big families, I work in education and it keeps me in a job so carry on!!!!!

sweetkitty Fri 19-Jun-09 09:41:23

I have 3 and am always getting the "hands full" "are you going to try for a boy?" comments.

Thing is we are ttc#4 so will get loads more comments then.

I usually just say " I wouldn't have it any other way" or "I know isn't it great?"

Comewhinewithme Fri 19-Jun-09 09:50:25

I have just had baby no 6 and am sick of the comments .

Especially the stupidity of people who ask me if I was trying for a boy hmm
"Er no my eldest child is a boy "
Oh and the people who think it is ok to tell my 11 year old son what a shame it is he has another sister one old hag lady actually said to him that she had prayed the baby would be a boy while I was stood with my brand new DD angry.

People think it is ok to comment you seen to become public property when you have a large family and people can ask you if it is your last or if you have a tv .

ljhooray Fri 19-Jun-09 09:51:33

Congratulations and don't fret, those of us with 1 get the 'how could you not give your dc a sibling?' so I think unless you conform to the one boy one girl stereotype, everyone wants to stick their oar in! If those with 3 or more should have the scraped back ponytail facelift and matching family tracksiuts, then apparently those of us with one should be sticking our children in our laptop bag whilst we ignore them to pursue careers, have a permanently reserved table in Carluccios for 3 and be saving for the inevitable extensive psychotherapy they will need from all the pressure and attention wink
Can't win can you?
Hooray for all families big and small

sweetkitty Fri 19-Jun-09 09:55:28

So true ljhooray unless you have the one boy one girl two years apart people will coment and even if you do you get told how clever you are and you aren't allowed anymore as why would you want anymore if you have one boy and one girl?

I think it's people just making small talk but they do not realise it can hurt Mothers feelings, when pregnant with DD3 I was told I would be praying for a boy when actually I was praying for an alive child. I do think Dh is getting sick of all the Poor him comments about being in a houseful of women.

posieparker Fri 19-Jun-09 09:58:51

Congratualtions, welcome to a very busy, wonderful and crazy club.
I have 4 and had to endure the same when I was pg.

pramspotter Fri 19-Jun-09 10:00:22

Big families are wonderful. I don't understand why people care about how many dc another family has. Having only one child or no children has it's advantages and having a large family also has it's advantages.

If we want our current standard of living maintained and health care when we are retired then we need more taxpayers.

4andnotout Fri 19-Jun-09 10:00:48

Sweetkitty-My dp even got told by one old woman that he wasn't 'man enough@ to make a boy!

4andnotout Fri 19-Jun-09 10:01:09

That should be 'man enough'

katiestar Fri 19-Jun-09 10:01:35

I wonder why you have decided on 3 as the 'normal' cut off point.At our school which is 100% white middle class, there are quite a number of families with 4 children .But personally I don't know anyone with more ( except a couple who had 3 ,then mum got accidentally pg with triplets )but again ,middle class.

Stigaloid Fri 19-Jun-09 10:05:35

Oddly enough i read an article recently that stated that 4 kids was the new benchmark for middle class families as it showed people could afford more kids.

Personally i am freaking out at how to mange 2 when DC2 comes along and applaud any woman who can juggle numerous kids. I have a lot of admiration for women with large families but don't think it is a challenge i am up to.

Congrats on your pregnancy and hope all goes well.

sweetkitty Fri 19-Jun-09 10:07:37

My mother told me that you are not a "real" women until you have a boy angry a friend also told me when I mcing that "maybe I canot carry boys and it was a boy"

Same mother told me when I announced DC 2 was a DD that she wasn't that bothered I could always go for a third, WTF, I don't talk to her anymore

clemette Fri 19-Jun-09 10:07:45

Slightly OT but I read a report recently that it was now a sign of middle class affluence to have more than two - in the yummy mummy set it is a sign that your husband earns enough to support a large family (it was in the Guardian, will try to find a link...)
The only people I know who have more than two are very religious so at Church it is definitely not unacceptable.
Ramble, ramble...

Frasersmum123 Fri 19-Jun-09 12:21:26

I have three and as I have 2 DS's and a DD I often get things like 'well you wont be needing any more now' like my lovely children are handbags or shoes. I dont think I will be having anymore, but I would like people to think its through personal choice rather than conforming to normality.

BlueKangerooWonders Fri 19-Jun-09 12:25:15

Probably depends where you live! Round here (Bodenlandia) 3 or 4 is the norm. But as someone said, it's just a conversation opener.

goldrock Fri 19-Jun-09 12:25:48

clemette - do you really only know religious people with more than 2 ? What kind of area do you live in, I have 4 and just within a few neighbours on either side there is another 4 and a 3 and at my DCs fairly small school there is at least one other 4 and several 3s

mumblechum Fri 19-Jun-09 12:27:26

Just out of interest, do any of you mums of larger families get asked if you're not concerned about population control?

I think large families are a Good Thing and would love to have had more. So far as middle class, affluent families go, they're self sufficient, not a drain on resources etc so no one else's business, but I do get concerned at people in poor countries having very large families who they can't afford to look after, consequently have high mortality rates.

Just musing, tell me if I'm talking bollocks.

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