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to be furious with my mum!!??

(16 Posts)

Grrrrrr rant on. Never felt the need to post on aibu before till now! Have posted similar on pregnany.

Had early scan today to check baby ok etc, all was good so i called mum to tell her the good news, bear in mind she has known since day 1 of this pregnancy. I'd asked her to keep it quiet as we had prev miscarriage and wanted to wait till we told everyone.

DH family do not know about baby yet we were waiting till 12 weeks, i got message from my sis asking if i'd seen mums facebook status, so of i go to check it and shes only gone and announced to the whole world she is going to be a granny again! Before we have even told dh's family!!

I called and asked her to take this status of due to the above and she got all defensive because people who know dh and i are herself were postng nice comments about it!

I feel like she has totally disrespected our decisions and choices and told people before me! I wanted to announce it sad

Please take in mind i had a very bad relatioship with my mother in the past and dh does not particularly like her, so when he comes home tonight i have to tell him whats happened, and that i've called his brother and told him, now we need to tell his sister before they see on facebook!

I have now had to post an announcement weeks before we wanted to angry i am livid calm me down please!

Perfectgangofthree Thu 18-Jun-09 18:15:13

YANBU. Common sense should have told her to hold her tongue for a few months. However, getting worked up isn't good for you or your baby so please try to forgive her and move on and NEVER tell her anything again.

Congrats, BTW smile

3littlefrogs Thu 18-Jun-09 18:16:55

Is facebook really worth all the trouble it causes?

thanks perfect, do you think i should call sis in law to let her know before she or her daughters see facebook?? dh is working late so quite high chances if her seeing before he gets home?

Lulumama Thu 18-Jun-09 18:19:32

YANBU

however if she has acted like this before, it might have been best not to give her sensitive , private information

you need to make sure DHs family know that she was not supposed to tell everyone and that you were wanting to wait before announcing it

facebook can be just the worst thing in the world. i think people forget that other people can read their stuff !!

thanks lulu she's never announced personal stuff like this before i thought seeing as she'd kept quite for a month already she could for another 3 weeks.

I'll call dh sister now to let her know and will explain whats happened to dh when he gets home.

GentlyDidIt Thu 18-Jun-09 18:40:19

oh you poor thing, YANBU, what a nightmare, I can relate.

I hope that your mum just had a moment of feeling overexcited and is now feeling a bit of a wally, but if she is trying to play the defensive card on this then you really need to think about how much you share with her in future.

Aren't you tempted to post a response to her "Oh really Mum, who is it, I don't know anyone who's pregnant?"

Finally, try not to stress about other people hearing in a way you'd rather they didn't. It must be awful to have the fun of breaking your own news taken away from you like that, but anyone with any sense who reads that status and knows you haven't made an announcement will think "Hmm, that's really off" rather than "Hmph, why haven't we been told?"

HolyGuacamole Thu 18-Jun-09 18:44:21

YANBU. I could maybe understand if she mentioned it out of pure excitement to one of her buddies on a "don't tell a soul" basis but facebook.......at the same time, I don't think she would have meant to cause any harm but I'd still be fuming if I were you.

GentlyDidIt Thu 18-Jun-09 18:44:55

also I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, you'd think she would be a lot more sensitive in the light of that.

I would be furious too (in fact feel pretty furious on your behalf angry )

lol gently wish i could but someone said oh whose having a baby and she posted my name!!

I've called sis and bro in law now and told them, explaining it was meant to be secret till 12 weeks, both very understanding as they know how rubbish my mum is!

Mum has taken her status of now, making me look a wally for announcing myself! angry

I think ive burst her bubble a bit so will call her tommorrow once ive calmed down. I think she prob got crossed wires as she said she had not wanted to ask about it to me the past month as she knew i was keeping quiet and i said i wanted her to ask how i was etc, and the pregnancy was there kind of thing dont ignore me iykwim. Still at least almost everyone we know knows! smile

Facebook really though! angry

GentlyDidIt Thu 18-Jun-09 19:01:05

Oh dear, well that's sealed it then.

Are you going to have a repeat performance of this at every scan (particularly if you find out the baby's sex) and most of all the birth? I hope not...

Bless you for worrying about "bursting her bubble", but really, you are entitled to be miffed about this so don't allow yourself to feel that you are being precious or kicking up a fuss here. You are finally pregnant after enduring a miscarriage - big news for your Mum, granted, but possibly the biggest news of YOUR life (yes YOURS!)

aww ty gently yes best news and best feeling seeing my baby!

I will give her updates along with a warning do not post this on facebook!! grin

WildSeahorses Thu 18-Jun-09 20:09:11

I think you're being far too generous in your treatment of her, OP! If I was in your shoes I just wouldn't give her updates - and I would explain why. If she realises she is losing out beause of her disgusting behaviour today then she might think twice about doing this kind of thing again in the future...

As for calling her tomorrow, SHE should be calling YOU with many fervent apologies. Why should you have to do all the running, especially if she has a history of being a bit crap? She has basically put her wants above your needs at a really sensitive point in your life - that's a shitty thing to do IMO. Am so angry for you... grrr

WildSeahorses Thu 18-Jun-09 20:10:32

Sorry - forgot to say a very big congratulations!

thanks for the congrats wild.

The history of our relationship is such that she will never apologise for her behaviour.

I think as for updates your right, i dont owe her them, she had the audacity to tell me yesterday she has to have a scan picture because she has one of all her grandchildren! Well ummm wait a minute what about MY scan picture of MY baby! hmm

2rebecca Fri 19-Jun-09 12:29:17

I think there's a difference between someone telling something they've been told to keep quiet to a good friend and someone sitting down and typing this information onto the internet. The latter is very deliberate, not spur of the moment excitement. I'd be quite angry and wouldn't tell her any more information I didn't want publicised. She was more interested in getting reflected glory for herself than considering you.

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