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and over sensitive, or is DH being too harsh?

(58 Posts)
Peachy Thu 18-Jun-09 16:23:57

OK I have no idea if I am BU so want feedback; if I am fair enough. I know I have big Confrontation Issues anyway, so that suggests DH NBU.

better provide some background too- DH upset with school ATM as last month ds2 was injured by a problem at school, basically gym floor became sticky in the heat and tore skin off his foot, causing him to spend 6 hours in A&E bleeding and be off school on crutches. When I mentioned to Secretary the cause she new about it but said they had asked kids to keep moving... being weak I just smiled and accepted this.

DH was the one stuck in A&E so wasn't happy with the reply.

Anway, ds1 does violin lessons. At the start of term his violin went from school, tkaen by a child. We couldn't afford to replace it and TBH ds1 wasn't too bothered so he told school he asn't going to have lessons any more. She teaches small groupsso didn't affect teacher time or anything like that, and the cost is set not divided by X kids.
Teacher is employed by LEA.

yesterday to our surprise we got a bill for a final demand for apyment from the Head. I sent DH in to discuss, asking him to try and sort it out as I hadnt budgeted, we're on a very tight income ATM (DH paret time due t work cuts) and paying an unscheduled bill would mean cancelling ds3's birthday party which we booked last week.

I expected DH to end up negotiating payments for a few weeks (total bill is only £30).

Anyway, he informed the Secretary that if we ahd to pay he wuld consider reporting the theft of the violin to the police, Secretary immediately dropped the bill.

DH is grin that the money was sorted, I am shock as I have a very good relationship and help with the school.

I should add that several other things have been taken from ds1's bag over the year, including a collection (he has ASD) that he treasured and was returned after a term; ds1 cried about that going for weeks which was very upsetting.

Am I being a wuss as DH genuinely beleives, or was he OTT?

posieparker Thu 18-Jun-09 16:26:43

let DH dealwith the school he doesn;t have to face them.

cornflakegirl Thu 18-Jun-09 16:28:08

Where was the violin taken from? Was it somewhere that was supposed to be secure?

Tbh, if the school is billing you for something where it hasn't lost out financially, I'd have refused to pay anyway. So think your DH was probably right.

Seeline Thu 18-Jun-09 16:28:33

I think DH was dead right I'm afraid. I'm shock that you didn't kick up when a violin was nicked in the first place! And if my child had suffered those injuries because the school was using an unsafe room knowingly I'd have been straight onto the Council/governers and anyone else I could think off.

Peachy Thu 18-Jun-09 16:28:58

We think it went from the music room where they are supposed to be left.

serenity Thu 18-Jun-09 16:33:37

I'm on your Dh's side too I'm afraid. The school's response to your child's injury was awful, but you should have pushed them. The violin theft should definitely have been reported, and dealt with better if it was taken from a secure room, and it's definitely iffy to charge you when they aren't losing out financially. Just because you have a relationship with them (you help them, you're doing them a favour not vice versa) doesn't mean that you should let things like this go.

Sassybeast Thu 18-Jun-09 16:34:20

Your DH was absolutely right to refuse to pay. If the violin had been stolen whilst in your possession, then fine but it was stolen from school property.

jugglingwoman Thu 18-Jun-09 16:34:20

I would have felt bad but still would have told the school about the violin and also kicked up a fuss about his injury. Not wanting compensations, just guarantees that it wouldn't happen again to another child.

So, I understand why you've done what you did, I wish I could be more like your DH and I suspect I'd be half way in between!!

hocuspontas Thu 18-Jun-09 16:36:39

Love the secretary's response - 'we told the kids to keep moving'hmm A better response would've been - we're sorry and from now on we won't use the hall in those circumstances.

I would have spoken to the head and I'm sure she would have expected you to. They must be able to claim on their insurance for any expenses you have incurred.

The music lessons usually have a notice period so I think you should have told them that because of the theft of the violin could the fee be waived. Didn't you make a fuss at the time of the theft?

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 18-Jun-09 16:37:57

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 18-Jun-09 16:38:38

Message withdrawn

Peachy Thu 18-Jun-09 16:39:58

We did make a minor fuss about the violin and a search was launched, thats how we know it was deffo taken not stolen- ds1 and his TA asked each child in turn.

AS far as we were aware ds1 gave notice at the time of the thefy, he certainly didnt partake in lessons in any way including just listening- nor was he asked to.

Am feeling a little less uncomfy with dh about this now, I am really bollocks at all this crap.

MaryBS Thu 18-Jun-09 16:40:25

I don't think he was at all OTT. Also I would probably have reported the theft of the violin to the police at the time, if the school itself didn't do it.

Frasersmum123 Thu 18-Jun-09 16:41:26

Im like you - smile and say okay then think about things.

TBH I think your DH is right - if DS1'S Cornet went missing from the school I would kick up a fuss,we couldnt afford to replace it either. The gym thing is terrible - I would definately of complained about that - especially if she said they had been advised to keep moving shock

Peachy Thu 18-Jun-09 16:41:34

The injury was horrid- size of a 5op and torn right through on 3 sides

Poor ds2 was very brave but they have made him do PE tehre since, I was too scared to insist on daps, I should do shouldn't I?

MaryBS Thu 18-Jun-09 16:41:49

Sorry xposted. So if it was taken, not stolen, why hasn't it been recovered?

Peachy Thu 18-Jun-09 16:42:58

Well isnt taken without consent and stealing pretty much the same?

I did say to DS1's TA that its the paents who kept it at home we were upset with not the school as such

MaryBS Thu 18-Jun-09 16:47:56

I do sympathise with you though, about not wanting to make a fuss.

Taken suggests accidently, stolen deliberate, ime.

scaryteacher Thu 18-Jun-09 16:50:46

I would insist on gym shoes for him from now on until they can assure you, and make the head demonstrate in bare feet, that the gym is safe.

As for the violin, I think your dh has handled it well, but I would have reported it to the police anyway. I would not have paid the bill either.

deepinlaundry Thu 18-Jun-09 16:51:18

Your dh did the right thing, enough is enough and you sound as if you are too nice for your own good.

edam Thu 18-Jun-09 16:52:05

I'm with dh, and if I were shy about coming forwards I'd be very keen to send dh in to sort out stuff like this!

Injury is shocking - really can't understand how it happened and what on earth they are doing NOT making an almighty fuss about it, making sure it never happens again, etc. etc. Yes, DO insist on plimsolls/trainers/whatever in future.

cornflakegirl Thu 18-Jun-09 16:52:58

So, are you saying that a kid has taken it home and kept it, and you know who it is?

edam Thu 18-Jun-09 16:52:59

(And violin thing is very likely to be theft - can't see how someone could take an 'extra' violin home by mistake, or one that isn't theirs.)

doobry Thu 18-Jun-09 16:54:27

Youch to his foot!!! What exactly are the school doing to make sure that doesn't happen again. Telling them to keep moving is not good enough! I'd be seriously annoyed about the theft of the violin too! I think your DH was dead right I'm afraid.

ChippingIn Thu 18-Jun-09 16:54:28

I'm a bit confused over the violin - do you know who took it? Either way, it should have been reported to the police if it wasn't returned....

As for the school asking for money for violin lessons, when they were responsible for it being stolen - they have to be joking. I'd of said a lot more than your DH!

School Gym - unforgivable - I'm suprised your DH hasn't been down there shouting the odds... 'told them to keep moving' is not bloody good enough.

So, sorry Peachy, YABU

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