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To not want him to txt his ex?

(7 Posts)
mum2b09 Thu 18-Jun-09 12:35:18

Okay so tut tut i actually went through his phone and i know this is terrible but i asked if i could use his as i had no credit and he got really weird about me using his phone so i looked when he wen the loo and i found txts off his ex who he swears he hates??

I confronted him about it and he said that it was nothing and their just friends but insists he hates her which is why i wonder why he has to txt her??

The texts where just general chitchat maybe a little flirty but nothing sexual..

he said that they have the same group of friends so he cant avoid her wich i think is totally fine as i wouldnt want him 2 have 2 but isnt txting her a little too far and then to try and hide it from me am i being paranoid or do u think theres smething else in it?

HecatesTwopenceworth Thu 18-Jun-09 12:44:41

Texting her is not as bad as hiding it from you. Texting her in a friendly way while claiming to hate her is indeed very suspicious. I can understand that if they have mutual friends their paths will cross - that could happen if he 'hated' her, but if he 'hated' her, he wouldn't be texting her, would he?

As soon as someone attempts to conceal something, you suspect their motives.

How serious a relationship is this? Do you live together? I am assuming from your username that you are expecting a baby?

bettyjack Thu 18-Jun-09 12:47:53

You need to let him know how seeing these texts made you feel.

If you feel ok about his response then you need to let him know that he needs to reassure you and that he should undertsand how you feel.

I personally would not like it if I was you. As you mentioned flirty in the text....flirty can always get sexual, for instance if you and him have an arguement will he text her?

Dont mean to sound neg but if he really cared he shouldn't be flirty or entertaining flirty texts after he has been told by you that it hurts you feelings etc.

Just My opinion

DidEinsteinsMum Thu 18-Jun-09 12:52:17

He's a man. Not sure it would have occurred to him to have told you. Not necessarily that he was trying to hide it, maybe just being thick wrt your emotions over issue as he didn't see a problem with it.

I still txt my ex and sometime am a little flirty but there are very good reasons why he is an ex. HE is very happy with his current girlfriend (who incedently is lovely)
but have no idea if she knows about the texts. I know it is unlikely to have occurred to him to tell her.

mum2b09 Thu 18-Jun-09 13:04:43

we have a 3 month old DD and he is an amazing dad and usually he is great but i just feel as if there is something hes hiding lately.. i dont think he would take it any further but it still pissed me off that he would keep it from me.

I told him that it really hurt me that he would keep something like that from me and hes said that he wont do it again and he didnt reolise it would be a problem and i was okay with that until i found out that he had lied about other things like he went on holiday with a group of friends while i was pregnant (he had it planed and booked before we knew) and said she didnt go but she was in the background on holiday photos?? its just all little things

i think more than anyhting hes trying to lie because he knows ill have a problem with it but the thing is i wouldnt really care if he hadn lied..

HecatesTwopenceworth Thu 18-Jun-09 13:07:59

lying about it is a problem. It suggests he has something to hide. You need to make sure he understands this and perhaps he will be able to be honest with you from now on.

bettyjack Thu 18-Jun-09 13:32:57

I think you need to bide your time, make notes of things. DOnt let it change your relationship to much, just be a little more observant to things. Make sure you just note down things he says where he goes so that you can go back to it if you feel unsure about something he has said or anything.

You have to be the one that little bit ahead everytime until you are positive nothing is going on.

Maybe you should find out a bit about her. Or ask him to invite all his friends and her along for a BBQ or something, this will give you a chance to get to know everyone better including her. I mean to be honest if she knew there is no threat there on her part surley she would come along ...wouldnt she? I mean everyone has ex's that are still part of the friends group and to be honest we are all grown ups!

If she doesnt come or he says no to her coming then I would be suspicous.

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