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To find this comment patronising..

(20 Posts)
Notbig Wed 17-Jun-09 23:06:06

I work 3 nights a week until midnight and get home at about 1am. Mentioned in passing to other mum at mums group that I was feeling tired and she replied "well you work those silly hours..have you thought about doing a course in IT?"

Just feel slightly peeved as I have no choice but do silly hours as I can't afford to work during the day. Didn't bother wasting my breath but for what its worth have an honours degree and don't think doing another course (which I'd prob have to pay for, would change my work schedule situation).

On a positive note do enjoy getting to spend daytime with my 2 kids. But just felt bit put out getting career advice from someone who obviously hasn't a clue!.

BitOfFun Wed 17-Jun-09 23:09:10

There there, don't you worry your pretty little head about it dear grin

TheLadyEvenstar Wed 17-Jun-09 23:17:00

oh Mums don't you just love them lol

DidEinsteinsMum Wed 17-Jun-09 23:22:21

My pet peeve is "he'll sleep when he starts school"

based on what evidence? It used to be he'll sleep when he goes to nursery.

DidEinsteinsMum Wed 17-Jun-09 23:26:55

Arghh... whats going on, why some threads 1st post 1st and some 1st post last?
Thought OP was BitofFunblush

Mums who don't have to go through the trials of reality can have some very large boots in their mouths. It helps to picture them with both feet in mouth and hopping about on butt grin

Yep lack of sleep eventually drive you made. grin

Just think of all the fun you have with dcs that you would miss out on with an IT course.

steviesgirl Thu 18-Jun-09 00:33:02

YABU. I don't suppose she meant it that way at all. She was merely pointing out that you work silly hours - well you do! I'm sure it wasn't to sleight you in any way, she was merely having a thing called a conversation and trying to help in her own way. After all, it's obvious you're going to be tired with those hours and kids to look after, she was trying to give you some support by suggesting an IT course.

LynetteScavo Thu 18-Jun-09 00:53:46

YANBU....but it'll teach you to mention you're feeling tired. grin

Lot's of nurses/midwives/doctors with children work "silly" hours, don't they? Maybe they should all do a course in IT? hmm

blinks Thu 18-Jun-09 01:44:55

people are just loose mouthed eejits.

i work exactly the same hours, 3 nights a week til midnight for the same reasons... i'm knackered too.

Notbig Thu 18-Jun-09 14:49:18

steviesgirl she did phrase it "you do choose to work silly hours" my point is that i dont choose to work those silly hours but cant afford not to! I'm sure a qualification in IT still wouldnt enable me to work any other hours whilst the kids are still off during the day.

Paolosgirl Thu 18-Jun-09 14:54:12

It was certainly a silly, ill-thought out comment. What does she do for work? It always amazes me that some women think they can dispense this sort of advice without any insight into or understanding of another woman's financial or family situation.

OhBling Thu 18-Jun-09 14:58:04

I love it. I always wish at moments like these that I was the kind of person who could come up with something like, "but that would be during the day and that's when I do my nails."

But sadly, I'm not. I land up justifying my choices to the person on the other side.

So YANBU to be a bit peeved but I'd try to let it go.

Notbig Thu 18-Jun-09 16:37:08

i have let it go and dont think she did mean it to be patronising but came across as that all the same.
She doesnt work and i am guessing her husband earns less than mine so dont know how she survives without working. Wouldnt be patronising enough to ask though. I can only assume shes in an income bracket that gives loads out in tax credits and i appear to be just above that bracket.

Sassybeast Thu 18-Jun-09 16:41:16

YANBU but ignore. as someone else who has to work silly hours in order to juggle work and childcare, I'd rather eat my own arm than 'work in IT' wink

Lissya Thu 18-Jun-09 17:09:09

Was she possibly trying to be sympathetic by saying "those silly hours" as in the hours are silly (not you IYSWIM?) as you said you were feeling tired.

I think you are being a little bit oversensitive, she was probably trying to be helpful even if it came out all wrong. Does she know you can't afford to work during the day? Or has she forgotten maybe?

As for the IT course thing, probably she knows someone who's been on one and has now presumably got a good job in it, so in her mind it's the thing to do.

I accept she was a bit tactless but sometimes it can take someone saying "why don't you do teaching/IT" or whatever to make us first feel "harumph - what do they know", to "actually, not a bad idea there"....

2rebecca Thu 18-Jun-09 17:20:31

I think if you work until 1am and are up early with small children then if you complain about feeling tired that's the first thing anyone would suggest.
Keep your fatigue to yourself if you don't want advice about it. What were you expecting them to say?
Some people just like moaning and having other people listen to their moans and not say anything, some people feel obliged to try and offer solutions if someone is moaning.

Paolosgirl Thu 18-Jun-09 17:54:33

Rubbish! If someone has 2 young children and works until midnight, then most people would assume that it was out of necessity rather than choice, and extend that person some sympathy. Suggest that they "do a course in IT" is really not the first thing that would spring to my mind so the use of 'anyone' is incorrect immediately.

pointydog Thu 18-Jun-09 18:09:35

oh just ignore it. Don';t take it to heart

thumbwitch Thu 18-Jun-09 18:18:14

no YANBU - just pity her for her simplemindedness and let it go. grin

I worked 'til 1am most nights after maternity leave finished, as I was working from home and couldn't do it until DS was asleep - got no sympathy even from DH, despite the fact that he KNEW I had to do it to bring in the money! No one else cares - they just like to rub it in how superior they think they are.

maria1665 Thu 18-Jun-09 18:29:23

On career break now, but I worked 'silly hours' too. Trying to do a full time job in part time hours, and working late whenever DH could do the pickups and put to beds. But your friend's comment is the sort of thing I would say, without meaning to cause offence - just because it was perhaps something I was thinking of for myself , or whatever. We're all knackered, aren't we. We all have moments of 'Did I really say that out loud?'

Notbig Fri 19-Jun-09 00:41:35

just because i said i was tired doesnt mean i was moaning that i was tired or in deed my work or working late.
As stressed in the original post i enjoy the fact that my job gives me plenty of time with the kids and im a lot more vocal about this than my lack of sleep generally.

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