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to not want to spend the weekend at the in-laws??

(15 Posts)
vanimal Wed 17-Jun-09 16:36:01

The inlaws live around 2.5 hours away from us, and as DH has a flat there which he now rents out, we need to go down for the weekend as his tenant is moving out, place needs a good scrub etc.

DD is 21 months old and I am 36 weeks pg with DC2.

We all go down together, and it is nice, I get a rest, fed, watered etc, and DD sees grandparents. But DH will be cleaning etc all day, so it's just me and the GPs all weekend. We speak different languages, so I can't even chit-chat to pass time. I can't help DH as I am huge and knackered.

GPs never go out anywhere apart from part-time work, and spend the rest of their time pootling about at home, watching tv (as most GPs do I guess). So it's not looked upon favourably if I go out with DD.

This leaves me bored out of my brains. I can't put my feet up with a book, as I need to be watching DD. I can take DD out to the local Asda to kill a few hours (woo-hoo!), but this is tiring at this stage of pregnancy, and also is not hugely fun.

ILs are lovely, they do take care of me, but I totally resent having to go down there. It's annoying me no end today. I know I am BU. But I can't kick myself out of the horrendous mood it has put me in. I am just SO annoyed at trekking down there, only to be bored and counting the hours till we leave.

How can I pass the time there? I am a very unreasonable woman sad.

JemL Wed 17-Jun-09 16:43:00

Would they take DD out for a couple of hours - kill some time, and give you a break?

foolsgold Wed 17-Jun-09 16:44:08

Can you take a task down there with you that you have to do for the new baby, eg sort through old clothes? DD will play with GPs and you will be focussed on new baby and therefore happy and oblivious to boredom. Or could you take something down that if you don't get it done now you never will? Eg photos of DD into album? Failing that, what about doing a cook-a-thon prior to new baby? Stews etc will be fine in the car for 2.5 hours, then you can bung them in the freezer as soon as you get home. Anything to keep you busy I guess.

Or, just ask GPs to deal with DD for an hour or two and get some rest smile

Pinkjenny Wed 17-Jun-09 16:44:24

I am in the same boat, and am sure considered to be very miserable and anti-social by dh's family. Pre-dd, we used to go down there, dh and fil would put some hideous cricket or football on TV, and I'd effectively be captive in front of it all farking day. It's not quite as bad now we have dd, apart from fil asking every five minutes whether she will be, "ready for a nap soon". Er, no. She's two and hates naps. I'm not sending her to bed because she's starting to interrupt your viewing angry

I often send dh up with dd on his own, which I'm sure goes down really well with them hmm. I am there this weekend (I have to go as little as I can get away with), so will be feeling your pain.

vanimal Wed 17-Jun-09 16:54:44

They won't take her anywhere, they literally don't go out at all - even if it's a lovely sunny day they stay indoors and watch the tv hmm.

Can't really do stuff without DD as they like to have her around in the background, rather than actually keeping her entertained. So they'll feed her any old cr-p to keep her happy, but not do much else with her.

Last time DH went down I didn't go with him (had a big argument too!), so this time I really must go.

I am taking my laptop and dongle down this time, so at least I can log on and whinge whenever DD is sleeping.

I really dread these weekends - PinkJenny, I am glad I am not alone in this - what do you do to kill time there?

VeraChuckandDave Wed 17-Jun-09 16:58:35

Can't dh just go on his own to do that flat cleaning thing (and perhaps take dd to give you a break)?

Doesn't seem any point you going, imo.

vanimal Wed 17-Jun-09 17:04:02

Yeah, I guess that is the point - there is no point in me being there!

I go cos they want to see DD, and I guess therefore want to see me (cos I'll take care of DD, which they can't/won't and DH can't do as he'll be cleaning).

Ugh. I will have to think of something constructive to take along/do whilst I am down there.

jennymac Wed 17-Jun-09 17:09:26

I don't see why you can't take dd out for a while if you want. They can hardly expect you and your toddler to sit in the house all day just because they do. Could you not just say that your dd needs to get out to use up a bit of energy or she'll go mad? Hardly fair on her to keep her indoors all just just to please her GPs.

vanimal Wed 17-Jun-09 17:26:00

Last time I went out (a few hours shopping at local centre), I got some narky comments from FIL about it. As our languages differ I can't really explain/justify to them what I am doing or where I am going in much detail, its a few words here and there.

Just thought - it's Father's Day on Sunday isn't it? Maybe we'll go get some ingredients on Sat and then make DH some fairy cakes or something on the Sunday for it. And then pop by the flat with them. That'll keep us mostly indoors and occupied for some of the time at least...

mumof2222222222222222boys Wed 17-Jun-09 19:44:33

My PILS are a bit like that, but I always say that I must take the DSs out to the playground for some fresh air - sometimes ILs come too...Stuck inside we'd all be climbing the walls.

piscesmoon Wed 17-Jun-09 19:48:51

Send DD with DH. PIL get time with your DD, DH can get on with whatever he has to do and you have a lovely peaceful time at home on your own.smile

gerontius Wed 17-Jun-09 22:52:14

So, your PIL:
don't want to take your DD out
don't want to entertain her
don't want you to take her out

Sorry, but it's a two-way street. You need to make it clear that if you're making the effort to go and see them, they need to do something with her or give you free rein.

vanimal Thu 18-Jun-09 09:25:01

Hmm...you guys are right. I tend to keep quiet and let them have their way, as we are only there for the weekend and I don't want to hack anyone off.

Except then I end up being hacked off and going slightly mental being indoors with poor DD all day.

Will take her out regardless this weekend. They will absolutely not come, even if it is the park down the road, or a walk around the block. hmm

At least I know IANBU, it makes it easier to deal with. Keep feeling like I am a stroppy teenager when I complain about going down to see them.

Ninkynork Thu 18-Jun-09 09:33:48

I do feel for you. My ILs are lovely but they do get a bit perplexed as to why a two year old and nine year old start going stir-crazy in one room after a few hours.

I think it's easy to forget when you haven't been around children for a while. Mine organised an outing which meant that non-walking DS was confined to his pushchair for three hours just before we had to start the three hour drive home! We had been talking about giving him a chance to crawl around every so often all weekend but it just didn't occur to them that he might want to stretch his legs before going into his car seat.

maria1665 Thu 18-Jun-09 09:44:49

Don't go! At 36 weeks, you are perfectly entitled to say 'I'm staying home.' I really don't see anything unreasonable about that. And if they can help out by looking after DD, so much the better. In fact, there's a fair chance they'd be happy to help.

You don't want to go and would love a bit of a break (your last chance for a while!). They would love to help. Its a bit of a no brainer isn't it?

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