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To feel uncomfortable about having my photo on Facebook?

(25 Posts)
WildSeahorses Wed 17-Jun-09 11:29:44

Some of my Facebook friends (and some of DH's Facebook friends who are my friends in RL but aren't my Facebook friends IYSWIM) put up some pictures of DH and I. For some reason this made me feel really uncomfortable, but I can't quite put my finger on why.

I have no reason to be concerned about security issues (over and above the normal precautions you'd take when using the internet). I suspect it's something to do with the fact that I don't know all of their Facebook friends - it seems a bit odd that people who are strangers to me can access pictures of me freely, whereas the people who posted the photos would (I assume) not bother to show the photos to these people if they only had a hard copy. Also, depending on how the people who posted the photos have set their privacy settings, I may not even be aware of the identity of the people who can see the pictures. Plus, profile updates get put into people's news feeds, so people are (I feel) actively encouraged towards them. It all just feels a bit creepy, basically.

All of the people were perfectly happy to take down those photos that included me, so there's no RL issue behind this, I was just wondering if any other MNers felt the same way, or if IAB peculiar and odd?

LovelyTinOfSpam Wed 17-Jun-09 11:36:27

For me it was a loss of control thing - that people could post photos of me looking shite for the world to see.

A lot of people put snaps of our wedding up without asking - and of course they chose ones where they looked great but DH or I would be looking in a different direction, pulling a face, picking our nose, whatever. I was pretty hmm about that.

Creepiness didn't bother me - I am a very bogstandard looking woman I can't imagine anyone who didn't know me would be even slightly imterested in looking at pics of me!

sparkle12mar08 Wed 17-Jun-09 11:38:10

No you're not odd. It makes me uncomfortable too, and even more so when close friends tagged a picture with ds1 in it too. I'm confident that they've got their security settings to maximum, and I haven't asked them to remove it, but I really would have preferred to have been asked first, it's just basic manners - I would always ask someone for their permission before using a photograph of them, no matter what the circumstances.

pembslass Wed 17-Jun-09 11:39:39

Someone who I deleted from my friends list (for being a sociopathic weirdo) and blocked aparently still has a photo of me on his profile. We werent best mates or dating or anything. I get the impression that he likes the idea that he has photos of girls on his profile.

And yeah it makes me uncomfortable

NewTeacher Wed 17-Jun-09 11:43:58

you can always untag yourself so people who dont know you wont know who you are. IYSWIM.

WildSeahorses Wed 17-Jun-09 11:45:24

I think the manners issue is a big thing. None of the people I was referring to asked first (even when tagging me in photos).

Pembslass - that is just plain weird. If it is really bothering you, I think you can email Facebook to ask them to remove it (AFAIK the poster has to have the permission of all people shown in the photo to be allowed to have that photo on their profile). Although you might not want to get dragged into that sort of thing if the person in question is a bit odd...

WildSeahorses Wed 17-Jun-09 11:48:42

NewTeacher - I had already untagged myself. However, that doesn't make a difference when you have a situation like LovelyTimOfSpam's where she just hated the picture - ebven untagged, all of her friends would have known who she was.

WildSeahorses Wed 17-Jun-09 11:49:29

ebven even

grumblinalong Wed 17-Jun-09 11:51:20

YABU - I'm not even on facebook and I've seen photo's of me and my dc's on there through my sis account. MY BF has put loads up where I look like sh** and she looks gorgeous angry and a man who I had an arguement with at a party a year ago has even made comments about me being a 'mad bitch' tagged on. I might be a bit mad, but I'm certianly not a bitch grin. The whole concept of FB makes me uncomfortable.

Also, it's a total yawn when we're on a night out and everyone is talking about what so & so posts and frantically snapping away on their cameras so they can upload them the next day and show what a great life they have.

MIAonline Wed 17-Jun-09 11:52:43

I'm a bit like the OP, feel strange about it, but don't quite know why. SIL puts pictures of DS on her page and has never asked. I haven't asked her to remove them because I thought i was being OTT, but am not sure.

Lovelytinofspan, I agree with you about people picking pictures that flatter themselves or even their children.

It happens in RL too, DH's close friend got married. She disliked me (don't know why I am lovely grin ) and the picture she put in her album was the worst one of me, I was pulling a really strange face. I know she had other, normal pictures as they used friends' pictures. But she chose that one! So it can happen in RL too.

dollius Wed 17-Jun-09 11:53:46

You feel uncomfortable for a good reason. Facebook is way too much exposure.

I committed FB suicide ages ago and have never looked back.

The security issues aside, seriously who honestly thinks other people want to spend seconds, let alone minutes or hours, trawling through your pics of your drunken Saturday night out?

Who really cares?

And do you really want to plaster pictures of your children as well as your date of birth, maiden name etc all over the internet?

It's madness I tell you, madness.

dollius Wed 17-Jun-09 11:54:56

MIA, why is your DH "close friends" with someone who dislikes you???

How odd.

Bumperlicioso Wed 17-Jun-09 11:58:36

No, YANBU, I don't like having photos of me on face book either, I don't even use FB, though I do have a dummy account that I set up to keep in contact with some MNetters.

grumblinalong Wed 17-Jun-09 11:59:24

dollius - what the hell is 'facebook suicide' LOL??? It sounds so dramatic!

MIAonline Wed 17-Jun-09 12:02:32

dollius, sorry didn't explain properly. It is DH's close friend's wife!

canttouchthis Wed 17-Jun-09 12:06:56

Facebook - YAWN. another saga to do with this narcassistic website. if you don't like it don't use it.

YABU.

dollius Wed 17-Jun-09 12:12:29

Oh got it MIA! Was just mildly curious...

grumbling - it is getting your account and all details permanently deleted, rather than just deactivated, which is their default position so your stuff effectively stays out there.

There were loads of press articles a couple of years ago about how difficult it was to get all your details permanently removed, so I tried it out and it was actually not hard at all.

DH and I committed FB suicide together. It was dead romantic.

canttouchthis Wed 17-Jun-09 12:14:38

how do you make sure your account is completely deleted? i have a suspicion that i'm still on FB (even though i haven't used it for over a year now). i won't be impressed if my account is accessible still.hmm

dollius Wed 17-Jun-09 12:21:16

I don't dare go back on the FB website for fear that a new account will open, but I emailed the help desk/administration person and said I wanted my details permanently removed, NOT just deactivated.

There was an email address on the first page or so.

They replied within 24 hours saying it was done, and I tested that by searching for myself and nothing showed up.

Same thing happened for DH.

If you are just deactivated, your profile still shows up on the system.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 17-Jun-09 15:06:38

i know what you mean

i am on FB but dont go on it a lot, unlike some friends who pop on several times a day, every day (bit like me on here i guess)

i do add pics, but always nice ones, and if im taking pics i will say they will be on fb

what annoys he is that people put up horrible ones, there was one of me looking very worse for wear blush

and obv all could see it

only friends of me can see mine, not friends of rriends iyswim

WildSeahorses Wed 17-Jun-09 15:37:33

Blondes - I know what you mean about the photos of drunk people. I don't think many people would circulate hard copies of such unflattering pictures of their friends so widely, so why do they think it's ok to do it on the net?

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 17-Jun-09 15:52:38

god knows

i went out at the weekend with several friends and took some pictures, one got VERY drunk and passed out in pub hmm grin

i have a classic picture of her, but would never show it on the net, fb etc

though will be in my own personal photo album wink

WildSeahorses Wed 17-Jun-09 15:55:32

Quite - personal albums are the only place for that kind of pic grin

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 17-Jun-09 16:01:31

funniest thing is, she really doesnt remember what she did, and if i hadnt the pics to prove it, she wouldnt have believed me grin

it takes a good friend to hold up another one through the streets of london smile

screamingabdab Wed 17-Jun-09 16:09:15

YANBU. I am not on Facebook, but was at a party once, and someone I don't know put photos of me up. Friends came along and said - "saw your photos on FB".

I don't like the idea of friends of friends of friends etc etc looking at photos of me.

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