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To want to stop teaching this pupil....

(25 Posts)
fedupteacher Tue 16-Jun-09 19:16:05

any mums who can give the parents' side?

I am a tutor for kids with special needs- have been tutoring a boy for around 3 years- lives close to me. However, he is not the most cooperative of kids, and sulks, cried etc if he can't do the work.

On top of this, the family is very disorganised and occasionally they forget the lesson!

Homework is not done very often and all in all, it's hard work for me.

let me add that I have been tutoring like this for years, I also work in a school for kids with SN and I have loads of private pupils -it's just this boy drives me nuts.

I would like to bring it to a close, but can't really think of a valid reason- apart from the above.

If you were that parent, would you find it reasonable for me to say "enough is enough".
I have spoken to the family about his attitude etc but not a lot changes. ( he's at secondary school BTW>)

TheProvincialLady Tue 16-Jun-09 19:18:57

You could say that you feel it is unethical to take their money when he is not doing the work necessary to obtain any benefit. And that it is frustrating for you and your working relationship with him/them is likely to suffer, which is unfair on you all.

YANBU

HecatesTwopenceworth Tue 16-Jun-09 19:22:38

Well, as the parent of 2 children with autism, I would.

I take it this is private 1:1 outside of school, which they pay you for?

Just give them notice. Say you no longer have time, or you feel you have taken the lessons as far as you can and feel that you can be of no further help and you wouldn't feel right to continue taking the money.

You don't need their permission to end the lessons. If it's not working it's not working. And if it's not working for you, then it's not working for him either. So not fair on either of you.

Overmydeadbody Tue 16-Jun-09 19:24:11

I think you're perfectly entitled to pick and choose who you tutor privately, and as long as it's handled well the parents chould understand.

Perhaps when you tell them enough is enough you have some contact details of other tutors they could try handy? so you ar still helping them?

pellmell Tue 16-Jun-09 19:24:20

I think it is acceptable to just say that due to change in your circumstances you are unable to continue to teach him! Why do you need to explain further? Surely that is the best outcome for you all!

brimfull Tue 16-Jun-09 19:26:16

my friend's ds is quite a difficult student

he is only 6 and has been told by2 seperate people that they don't feel able to teach him and recommended they try another teacher,not school btw

mum was fine with it albeit a bit sad

cornsilk Tue 16-Jun-09 19:28:33

Is this private tuition?

fedupteacher Tue 16-Jun-09 19:29:01

well,it's tricky because we all live in a small community- they will know other parents whose kids I AM continuing to teach ( I do private work for 80% of the time, school for 20%).

The mum is recently divorced and has had alot on her plate, but at the same time she doesn't ensure that homework is followed up as it should be.

I can't really say I no longer have time, as they will know full well that I am still teaching other kids whose parents they know.

As the teaching I do is very specialised, neither can I pass him on to anyone else as I know everyone else and they are all fully booked .

I suppose I feel guilty as he does need the help, but I just can't be arsed really with kids who are temperamental- bad enough when you HAVE to teach them in school!

MaggieBee Tue 16-Jun-09 19:29:06

Yup, tell them you're failing their son.
My son has autism, and if one of his SN teachers wasn't enjoying teaching him, I'd rather know.

fedupteacher Tue 16-Jun-09 19:29:26

CS- yes.

cornsilk Tue 16-Jun-09 19:31:21

If it's private tuition then yes - say you're finding it hard. I've had this said to me in the past - was expecting it TBH.

Peachy Tue 16-Jun-09 19:35:27

Hmm.

I can give a persopective absed on ds1 I think.

The disorganisation- that's me. And him.And everyone in my family who ticks boxes for traits, whether or notn they ahve a full dx.Consider this possibility? Or it might just be they're exhausted from caring or just life.

DS1 won't do homework: its a context thing- academic at school, etc, though I can get him to so somethings (posters, that type of thing) at home.

kids who cry and sulk if they cannot do the work often have low esteem through years of failure. I wuldn't focus on that but just when he does do it.

but of course YANBU to not want to tutior him: totally up to you what you want to do

cornsilk Tue 16-Jun-09 19:36:51

Good post Peachy!

MaggieBee Tue 16-Jun-09 19:38:24

yes, I didn't mean to be icy when I said to say "i'm failing him", just sweeten it a little, but it's your perogative to stop teaching him, and he may click better with the next teacher.

fedupteacher Tue 16-Jun-09 19:39:07

Thanks Peachy.
If I do decide to end it would you as parents find a letter - so I can list all the reasons- followed up by a phone call - acceptable? or is it too cowardly?

cornsilk Tue 16-Jun-09 19:40:19

Face to face or phone call - definitely not a letter.

Peachy Tue 16-Jun-09 19:40:52

In all truth it would seem a bit cold. 'drather just be told that DS1 isn't getting any benefit becuiase of X and Y (always the because- can't work with nothing to start from) and you think it'snot working out.

fedupteacher Tue 16-Jun-09 19:41:24

Peachy- yes have thought of all of that. I see what you are saying, and I do make allowances all round, but then all my pupils are in the same boat and some manage better than others, with home work etc etc.

To give me my due- I have stuck with it for 3 years-but now it is becoming increasingly painful some days!

cornsilk Tue 16-Jun-09 19:42:46

TBH I don't understand why the homework is such an issue. I'm an SN teacher and homework is a bonus for my students!

Peachy Tue 16-Jun-09 19:43:51

I think kids react to homework etc in different ways, and I'm not judging you I promise- I wouldn't work with ds1 if I were not related to him.

Just giving perspective smile

3 years is long wnough to trial anything, some kids will never respond to certain peoplem(and lets face it,t hat goes for all of us).

fedupteacher Tue 16-Jun-09 20:28:59

By SN I don't mean general learning diffs- he is dyslexic and the prgram I follow requires daily input at home.

maryz Tue 16-Jun-09 21:24:01

Here's a parent's perspective....I would love to post a message saying AIBU to want to stop parenting this child!

I agree with Peachy - ds1 can be almost unteachable. I feel sorry for his teachers in school, and I have deliberately not chosen any private tuition for him as I know he would drive teachers mad (I can't teach him myself either). He refuses to do homework, and although he seems to listen he takes very little in unless he is interested.

As the parent of a child like this, getting him up in the morning, feeding us all and generally just about coping is as much as I can do.

If you feel that he is benefitting AT ALL, and if you feel you can continue at all, then maybe do so and don't worry too much about homework, etc. Just teach him what you can in the hour(s) you have him. You may be his mother's only lifeline. If you can't, don't, but be honest as to why. She will probably not be surprised.

maryz Tue 16-Jun-09 22:00:33

Cross posts there fedupteacher - if it needs work in between lessons then obviously you can't help much. I would just be honest about it.

piscesmoon Tue 16-Jun-09 22:05:32

I would just be honest-sometimes it is a just a pure personality clash.

cornsilk Tue 16-Jun-09 22:47:16

Fed up teacher what programme do you use (nosy).

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