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to be starting to get fed up with this- schools choice.

(16 Posts)
wolfnipplechips Tue 16-Jun-09 15:27:23

To be fed up of everyone i speak to asking me how we are going to afford to send dd to private school. Surely its just about how you spend your money. I find myself going through my financial situation and making excuses when really its nobodys business.

Dd didn't get her choice of schools, we started the appeals process(we are moving house but god knows when at this rate) and in the meantime went to look at private schools to see what our options were. We fell in love with one and when we sat down and did the sums we were able to work it out.

Now we still live in our first home we are trying to sell it but with the market as it iis we are having difficulty, its small, we bought it when dh was still at uni and i was about to go on maternity leave. We have in the mean time set up a successful business and so are now more comfortable and i have increased my hours slightly at my job. I can understand how people might think its odd but surely you don't ask outright?

rubyslippers Tue 16-Jun-09 15:30:47

it is none of their business

people can be quite rude can't they?

McSnail Tue 16-Jun-09 15:31:12

I suppose the recession makes everyone more obsessed with money than they used to be. Still - it's a bit nosey and rude.

mumoverseas Tue 16-Jun-09 15:33:28

good on you and DH for making that choice. I made that choice for DS nearly 12 years ago and although it was tough financially at times, it has paid off. He has just finished his GCSEs and has really good predictions.
I was not and am not against state schools, it is just that for him, it was not really an option as the local school had 30+ kids per class and with my working hours it worked out better to privately educate.

You should not to have to justify yours and DH's decision to anyone and should be happy and proud that you can do the very best you can for her. Just make sure you can afford to see it all the way through otherwise you will have very stressful times ahead of you. Good luck to you and DD

AMumInScotland Tue 16-Jun-09 15:35:54

It's amazing how rude people can be, but something about children and schools seems to affect their normal idea of polite conversation.

Try answering "I'm going on the game" if you want to shut them up. Or of course just "Do you always ask questions about people's finances?" in a disbelieving tone, to wake them up to what they're really asking.

UnquietDad Tue 16-Jun-09 15:41:04

I suppose it is a bit rude. But maybe some people ask it because they are both earning and can't work out how in god's name they could possibly afford it even on two salaries, and want to know if there is some scholarship or bursary or something they have missed.

Or it could be that they are not actually asking "how do you afford it" but are opening up a conversation, the subtext of which is "what do you think is wrong with the local state school, then? Because my kids go there...!"

wolfnipplechips Tue 16-Jun-09 15:48:37

Thanks mumoverseas.
I do find it odd though, i would never say, how do you manage to go on 3 holidays a year though, even if thats what i'm thinking grin.

Unquietdad, i know what you mean and maybe thats why i keep blurting out loads of excuses but my dd didn't get into the same school as our friends dcs although one of my friends did well up with tears when i told her or rather she asked but thats because she is not happy with her choice of school and i do feel bad for her but i'm pleased for dd. I haven't told anyone where she is going to school unless they ask for fear of upsetting anyone.

wolfnipplechips Tue 16-Jun-09 15:49:53

Apologies for the severe lack of punctuation blush.

MummyDragon Tue 16-Jun-09 16:44:16

Hi wolfnipplechips

People can be sooo rude about this. We have recently moved our DS to a private school (having moved house to a new area) and people are constantly asking us, "why haven't you put his name down on the waiting list for the local state school?" etc etc ... I am still trying to come up with the perfect response - I like the one above about going on the game actually wink ... and if anyone else asks me how we are going to afford to send 2 kids to private school when DD starts school, I think I might commit bl**dy murder ...

Please do let me know if you come up with a pithy put-down to these rude, rude people, and no, YANBU.

wolfnipplechips Tue 16-Jun-09 16:57:45

*Mummy dragon*,some people have had the cheek to say to me "oh so your going to put dd in private school and then what send ds to state" I have been smiling sweetly and saying "We will make the right choice for ds when his turn comes for us to send him to school" Grrr. Like dh haven't thought about what were going to do already.

MummyDragon Tue 16-Jun-09 18:11:44

I know, I get the same thing. People can be soooo incredibly rude. Today I said to someone who asked, "well, I feel pretty good about this decision actually, as our local state school is vastly oversubscribed so, by sending DS to private school, I'm not hogging a place at the state school which somebody else needs more than me." That shut her up wink

hedgiemum Tue 16-Jun-09 20:23:08

Sorry to depress you, but it never seems to improve. I have 2 DC in independent education, another due to start soon, and am pregnant. We get asked very frequently how we will afford 4 sets of school fees.

It could be worse though; you could experience another woman assuming that it is totally due to your DH's earning power that you can afford school fees. This happened to me last month when at a hospital appt, when my (female) consultant realised that my DC are at private school (via another school parent, who is a colleague of hers) and said "But you're going to have a FOURTH baby soon! FOUR sets of school fees! God, you must have married well..."


wolfnipplechips Tue 16-Jun-09 20:36:03

lol at a female consultant assuming it must be your dh's money you would think they of all people would understand earning power.

I'm going to have to come up with some witty remarks. My colleagues at work already think we are super rich because we shop at waitrose hmm

hedgiemum Tue 16-Jun-09 20:52:51

The really annoying thing was that she's kind of right (in that DH does earn the money)! However, in ; about half of the parents seem to both work time. A significant minority seem to have grandparent-help to pay the fees. The number of people funding school fees on one income seems low.

I think we should adopt AMusInScotlands suggestion, and tell the curious that we're on the game!

helpmegetthisrightplease Sat 20-Jun-09 16:12:33

You'll meet all sorts of people in life. Some will be jealous of your income. Some will want to reassure themselves that they earn more than you do. Others will be genuinely curious. We get simlar questions.

DD is at private school and I know one mum who keeps making comments / asking questions along the lines of "how many bedrooms has your house got", "Do you find it easy to pay the school fees?", "what does your husband do?", Do you actually have to work?"

Finally after a grilling along these lines at a birthday party I turned round to her and said "we live in a 2 bedroom flat because we hate cleaning, we rent out our 14 bed house for loads, the flat in covent garden we just use at the weekend, my husband is a self made multi millionaire and spends most of his time dealing with his 105 staff and I work because it gives me a purpose in life other than asking stupid questions of everyone else"

She never asked me another question after that. Its not true except the 2 bed flat and hating cleaning by the way!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 20-Jun-09 16:18:33

Good for you, helpme,,,,grin

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