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To want my to pay attention to me at all times...?

(35 Posts)
ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 14:21:46

Am really hoping its the pregnancy - have NEVER been a clingy person. Its got to the point where I even go in to kiss him when he's in the bath. Our baby is due in November, and I'm frightened that the Green-Eyed Monster that's taken over my body might hang around until and after then.

But I need to be loved right now - I can justify every stalker-like movement. Awh man... Think I've actually gone bonkers this time people!!

Pinkjenny Tue 16-Jun-09 14:23:53

My dh would love this. I prefer no physical contact in pg. smile

RumourOfAHurricane Tue 16-Jun-09 14:24:55

Message withdrawn

ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 14:33:15

I don't know what more to explain... I just need hugs and love and more hugs pretty much at all times! I go into a mega jealous sulk if the name of any of his ex's are mentioned (we found that one out this weekend when he showed me a picture of one by mistake...) and if he tries to even make a cup of coffee in the flat when I'm staying there, I jump out of bed and join him...

Wow I really do sound crazy.

I think it comes down to just how unsexy and HUGE I feel - and very lonely. I'm also aware of the fact that any alone time once the baby is born is pretty much going to be impossible...

screamingabdab Tue 16-Jun-09 14:33:24

Sorry, i think you have missed a few words out. I don't understand!

Pinkjenny Tue 16-Jun-09 14:34:06

I just thought she was saying she couldn't leave her dp/h alone?

Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 14:34:14


Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 14:34:27


Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 14:38:33

mobile phone?
bar of soap?

Perhaps we can insert whatever we feel is appropriate in your title!

ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 16:12:22

Haha Would make it much more interesting reading, I guess

Am having a flare up with my ME today - in conversation or in typing I tend to either think I've said something when I've not, or insert ENTIRELY the wrong word! Sorry for confusion

Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 16:13:22

Was I right then?

ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 16:34:00

I'm going to have to confess that I don't know what dh stands for! Wow I feel silly - I haven't understood a lot of the abreviations on here but haven't said so!

I meant my boyfriend.

Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 16:35:35


dh means dear husband.
dp is dear partner.
db is dear boyfriend/brother.
dd is daughter.
ds is son.

You get the gist?

screamingabdab Tue 16-Jun-09 17:27:09

dr is dear rabbit, if you are so inclined wink

To answer your post, I can identify with feeling a bit vulnerable during pregnancy - I suppose it's nature's way of making sure you get a bit of protection while you are growing a babby in your tummy (aaahhhhh.....)

Mega-sulks are a bit of a turn-off though

ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 18:17:52

Thankyou for explaining, Rhubarb, really appriciate it

I think it prehaphs is a combination of vulnerability, medication withdrawal and fear! I did send him a text apologising earlier and he replied saying I really needed to relax and that if he had a problem he'd tell me, so am feeling a bit happier now. Also explained that he'd been a bit distant recently (which made me feel a bit better also, knowing I'm not being quite as paranoid as I though!) because he's been working on his illness, and studying towards an exam he's taking in April to help him improve his job... So yeah Thanks

Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 18:22:28

First one? It's natural to feel this way and he should make allowances for that. Your body is changing and that's scary in itself. The whole thing is very frightening when you think about it. Whilst life is still normal for him before the baby arrives, for you life has already changed and you're having to deal with that.

He should be more supportive and understanding of you.

ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 18:33:58

Yes, first one, and entirely unplanned. Not than I'm unhappy about it, I'm over the moon - but I didn't have, shall we say, preperation time!

Well... I don't think it will be much different for him when it arrives, really. We're not going to be living together, and he works five days a week. Don't mean that to sound cruel, and he will be as involved as he possibly can.

He is incredably understanding - probably gets me better and accepts my illnesses more than anyone I've ever been with, which is pretty lucky I guess!

Rhubarb Tue 16-Jun-09 19:18:35

My first was unplanned and I suffered terribly with depression throughout. Luckily I had a supportive dh too.

You need to work out how you will cope when the baby comes. When will you get some 'me' time? Is he going to come home, tired, expecting tea on the table and a rapturous welcome from his wife? Do you have parents, in-laws, friends that will help? Might be an idea to allocate jobs now so that you don't feel swamped. For example, he could do the bathtimes and you do the bedtimes. If you cook, he washes up and vice versa.

Because his life WILL change when the baby comes, and it's better he be prepared for that and doesn't expect to be able to do everything he does now.

ErikaMaye Tue 16-Jun-09 20:35:55

I have ME/CFS and Borderline Personaility Disorder. I'm medication free now, its been quite difficult at points, but I think its been good for me to see that I can do it.

I'm going to be living at home with my parents and my younger brother. I think he's going to think about taking a half day one day a week so we can spend that as a family as well as the weekends, which I'd really like if its possible. His boss has been really great and offered him an extra two weeks paternety leave, so long as he's prepared to work from home in an emergancy in the last week of that. So the plan is he'll move in with us for the first month to help me out, and then my mum will be on xmas break from her school, so she'll be here for two and a half weeks.

He usually dotes on me to be honest - cooks me dinner when I'm at his, runs me baths, doesn't complain in the slighest about lugging my wheelchair around everywhere. He does like his alone time though, whether to work on his novel (which is going off to the agent soon!) or to just be by himself, and sometimes it stresses me out. Always seems to be at the work time for me! That must sound very selfish... But things aren't easy at home, and with my conditions flaring up, I need a hug sometimes, so if he says he wants to cancel our usual weekend time then sometimes it gets me quite down. He's only done it a few times, but still...

Rhubarb Wed 17-Jun-09 13:26:43

Sounds difficult. How long will you live with your mum for? Is his place not suitable then? Will you both find your own place at some point?

I'm pleased you are getting support from your family, but he may think that because they are supporting you, he doesn't have to do as much. Or he may feel a little pushed out, so just watch out for that.

In the meantime, welcome to Mumsnet! You'll find it invaluable for all those niggling questions you have that you don't want to bother the doctor with! And should you ever need anything, give me a shout.

ErikaMaye Wed 17-Jun-09 22:20:10

I think it'll be up until about two years max. as I can't fit a cotbed in my room as well as my bed, so thats as long as it can be! He's on the third floor, and his place is one bedroom. Plus SS have said they don't want us living together until he's put on more weight Though he's doing really well. Yeah I imagine we'll move in together at some point, but he can't sell up right now because of the credit crunch, so for now, these arrangements will have to do. I'm not happy with them, to be honest, but its the only option right now.

Today he's been really unresponsive and its bugged me. I've had one text - saying: " x x x" - and found out from facebook that he's gone out with his mates for drinks. I don't mind him going out, obviously, but I would like him to at least respond to my texts. I don't know how he's feeling. I keep thinking back to when we first got together, and he used to send me little messages, just to say he was thinking of me, and that hasn't happened for so long now. I'm always the one that says "I love you" first, and that bothers me. I feel like I'm initiating everything...

Thankyou so much. It means a lot to me to have people to talk to on here. I don't really get out much because of my conditons, my only contact is my partner, really. And an ex who texts me occassionally. But my partners the only person I meet up with. I've lost so many friends for various reasons after the past few years, so I tend to live online now.

Curiousmama Wed 17-Jun-09 22:34:05

Hi erika, sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down today. It can't be easy for you trying to cope with illness plus an unplanned pregnancy. Well done for coming off your meds I hope you keep coping well with your illness.
Don't know what to say about your guy really. Do you talk much? Do you feel he's distancing himself? Maybe he's just scared?

I hope you get some clarity soon as it must be confusing right now?

ErikaMaye Wed 17-Jun-09 23:41:33

Thing is... Off my meds and hormones raging crazily, I panic and worry and get so worked up about everything. I'm a combination of terrified he's going to break up with me and hugely pissed off right now - I've text him a couple of times tonight, once after my review meeting to say how it went, and once to ask if he wanted to see Waiting For Godot with me (Am a HUGE fan) and haven't heard anything back. Surely, if he can find time to go out with his mates, he can find thirty seconds to text me?? I'm probably over reacting, but I seem to be doing that a lot since I've been med-free...

We used to talk a hell of a lot, but now it seems we never do. We'll chat, laugh, and talk about the baby, but never really talk talk. I don't know what I'm doing wrong...

Maybe he is scared, but, and I know this is out of line, but its true - he's 33, he has a stable well-paid job, his own place... I know it must be scary, but lets face it, things aren't actually going to change for him that much! The baby won't even be living with him. He can carry on doing pretty much whatever the hell he wants. I guess thats bitter, and maybe I am a bit resentful, not of him, but of the situation. As much as he is going to be involved, I feel in a lot of ways I'll be doing it all by myself. After the first two weeks or so, he'll be back at his, and back at work. A couple of weeks after that, my mum will be back to work and my brother will be back to school. And there'll be me at home with an eight week old baby at the max.

Maybe thats why I'm so desperate for attention now. I'm scared and I know things are going to change.

But he KNOWS how paranoid I am - we met on a mental health support group for goodness sakes, and we've been friends for a while... He knows how insecure I am. He always used to be there for me, even in the middle of the night if I needed him. Now he's started sleeping with his phone on silent so I can't even get hold of him if I desperately need him.

Sorry, I'm ranting, aren't I? And self-analyzing. I feel very alone right now. I feel like I've done something to upset or annoy him, and I don't know what! So over whelmed...

Curiousmama Thu 18-Jun-09 12:35:41

Oh erika no wonder you're low, he's not being very nice to you is he? I didn't realise he was 33. Why aren't you going to live together? Is he as serious as you are? It isn't sounding very good is it?
Is there anyone you can get to support you in RL (real life)? Surely with your illness you must be getting extra help? Have you confided in a midwife? They can be so helpful.
Are you still involved in the support group? Or is there any other type you can join?

You have a good reason to rant this isn't a good situation for you sad

ErikaMaye Thu 18-Jun-09 17:19:40

He sent me a message this morning basically telling me to get a grip. Said he does love me, but also needs time to himself. I understand that, but while he's out with his friends, I'm sat at home with a bickering family, a growing bump, and no friends.

We can't live together because his flat just isn't suitable. He can't sell up right now because of the credit crunch. Again, I understand, but I don't like it.

Do you mean serious about the baby? Well he didn't want me to keep it in the first place, and although he's come round, and even gets quite excitable at times, it still bothers me. Part of me feels like he's only still with me because of the baby - because he feels he has to be. Plus the fact that his mother has openly said to me she doesn't think I can cope. She told me when we first told them I was pregnant that I should have an abortion - whether she was just agreeing with him or not I don't know.

In RL I have virtually no one. I went from a pretty crap secondary school where I was bullied every day for five years to a fully funded sixth form place at one of the best schools in the country. I was incredably proud of myself, but the few friends I did have at secondary school deserted me because of it - jealousy, I guess, I'm not really sure. I remember one of them saying to me that I had it easy... But then I fell seriously ill, was admitted to a physc. unit, and became disabled, so the friends from sixth form left me too. Then falling pregnant and deciding to keep it - bye bye to those I had left. I have my partner and an ex boyfriend who texts me occassionally.

They've decided to half my therapy because I'm "okay". I'm really distraught about it, but can't tell them I'm not okay because it will all get back to social services, and they're already watching me like hawks. I don't feel I can be honest with anyone about how I'm feeling because they're so willing to condemn me. People told me recently - people I thought were friends - that I was just being selfish and I should just give them the baby, because it will have a much better life without me.

My family decided at the beginning of the year to start facebook stalking me. There was an incident where one of the trolls on there said some things that really pushed me over the edge and I landed myself in A&E again. I know they're just looking out for me but its closed off the only place I had to be honest and recieve the encouragement I needed to stay strong. Thats why I'm saying all this on here - none of them are on the site.

I'm trying so hard to be okay and I just can't do it. Mentally and physically, everything is so damn hard right now. I'm having to put in 100% effort when my energy levels are less than half. I know its going to be difficult with the baby, I know I'm not going to get much sleep, and I know its going to stress me out at times. But other people have done it... I'm scared, but I don't think I'm going to be a bad mum. At least, I didn't think, until everyone started being so negative.

I feel so numb at the moment - I've cried too much so there are no more tears. I just want my boyfriend to give me a hug. Its so painful.

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