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To consider going on a date with some one because they look like somebody else?

(17 Posts)
Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 12:28:25

I am single, have been split up from XP for a while and even though because of things done/said there is no chance of going back but for some reason I am still in love with him and just can't shake that.

I was approached by someone who was interested in me and I wasn'tparticularly interested until I realised they looked just like XP with a shaved head, right down to his eyes and height.

I know I am being unreasonable, but how can I shake this off?

Sorry for name change, I didn't want to be known as the saddo that onyl dates men that look like her XP hmm blush

Stigaloid Mon 15-Jun-09 12:31:13

you wont get over him until you start seeing other people. However i don't think going out withont someone because they look like him is healthy. You will probably be comparing everything about him to XP and that is unfair on the guy. How can he make an impression as himself if all you are doing is comparing him to someone else?

I'd start dating and moving forward but i would give this guy a break and let him go. There is no way he can live up to someone else's shadow when you see someone else's face instead of his.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 12:33:57

I have been on a few dates, but you are right, I have compared everything to XP.

XP was a nasty, thoughtless, uncaring, selfish person, but for some reason I only remember the good bits about him when I am comparing him (why do I do that??)

Urgh, need to get him out of my head!!!

TripleTroubleMuffin Mon 15-Jun-09 12:35:03

I don't think it would be fair to either of you to go out with this man. Have some time being single.

diedandgonetodevon Mon 15-Jun-09 12:36:00

You won't be able to shake off the feelings for your ex by dating his double.

If you are only interested in what this chap looks like, then it is not likely to work and you will just end up back where you are now.

Finding someone else may help you move on but only if you don't think of your ex when you look at them and are with them because you want them not someone in your past.
If you can't do that, you need more time on your own to get over it.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 12:46:05

Hmm, I have been on my own for ages, and don't mind it, but it's when thre DC are in bed and I am sat on my own that I start to feel lonely and miss XP.

Then when I realised this guy looked like him my heart just jumped.

You're right, it's not fair on this guy.

diedandgonetodevon Mon 15-Jun-09 12:50:09

Do you miss your XP when you are not feeling lonely?

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps Mon 15-Jun-09 12:54:19

Definitely, stay single for a while until you work out what it is you're really looking for in a man.

When I had my heart broken by the first boyfriend after I split from my first husband I spent some time looking for men who looked like him, dated a couple, only to feel devastated when they weren't like him.

Then I started dating men who were differnet (in various ways) and discovered that they had personality differences that I rather liked, even though they weren't a 'perfect fit' for me.

Eventually (and this may sound a little clinical) I wrote down what it was I was looking for-including odd personal preferences that I won't reveal to ANYONE grin.

I met my DH in a nightclub, when I was drunk as a skunk slightly merry on a hen night. He is extremely similar in looks to that heart-breaking boyfriend (although taller- bonus for me) and even wears rugby shorts as a matter of style-choice (just like the H-B B).

But he is a hundred times the man the H-B B ever was.

I don't know if this will help, but I hope it will.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 12:54:48

No, not really tbh, it's just when the house it silent and I am on my own.
It never used to be that way.

diedandgonetodevon Mon 15-Jun-09 12:57:20

To me that seems more that you miss the company and companionship you had with your ex rather than him IYSWIM.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 13:56:41

You are probably right I think, I need to find a way to keep me occupied without running into the arms of someone else...

SolidGoldBrass Mon 15-Jun-09 13:59:03

DOing this is bad for you and unethical. This bloke has feelings, too, and is entitled to be wanted for himself, not for being like someone else.
ALso, OK, you may have a particular physical type you like (lots of us do) but right now you need to get over being humg up on your twat XP. Or TBH you will just go out with one twat after another.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 22:46:09

SGB, i do always go with one twat after another!

I need to break this cycle.

I always find I am put off by guys that are 'too nice' though hmm

PintandChips Mon 15-Jun-09 23:07:14

Freako, i once woke up in bed with someone who i'd met at a party the night before and fallen in love with immediately because they SOUNDED like an ex i was struggling to get over.

what a saddo. and the worst thing is i felt like i'd just spent the night with the ex, so had to get over it all over again!

SolidGoldBrass Mon 15-Jun-09 23:17:10

Sigh. Remember that this 'romantic' idea that a difficult moody twat can be 'saved' by the Love of a Good Woman is a crock of shit. He will remain a difficult moody twat unless and until he decides to grow up.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 23:45:03

I have a long line of immature moody twats... hmm

Urgh, the worst thing is I only found XP attractive because I fell for him, I didn't particularly find his physical assets attractive tbh.

Freako Mon 15-Jun-09 23:45:21

I have a long line of immature moody twats... hmm

Urgh, the worst thing is I only found XP attractive because I fell for him, I didn't particularly find his physical assets attractive tbh.

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