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To want some time alone with DP which doesn't involve sex??

(6 Posts)
CherryChoc Sun 14-Jun-09 19:46:15

Grr. DP just gone out to get fish & chips after an argument. Basically, I feel that every time we have been alone together since DS was born (October) we have spent it either doing our separate things (TV/console/laptop) or he has been trying to get into my pants. My sex drive has never been that great, and it's at rock bottom now - probably not helped by the fact we never do anything together, we have hardly ever been out together as a family either. I'm just feeling a bit fed up! Today we spent 20 minutes in the morning doing sexual stuff, which culminated in a bj - but then when we had a spare 20 minutes between DS going to bed, finishing the housework and some friends coming over, he wanted us to have sex because we haven't for 3 weeks and my cousin's coming to stay tomorrow for a week, which means if we want to do it then we'll have to be discreet/quiet. I didn't feel like having sex because I am tired and hungry and since we spent some time being sexual earlier, I felt it was reasonable to want to spend some time together not being sexual. OK, so we are not having much sex (at all) - and that is more a problem for DP than for me (ie I'm not bothered), but I just feel non-sexual time spent together is important as well and am starting to feel that sex is all that matters to him and he has forgotten that I am a real person!

bubblagirl Sun 14-Jun-09 19:53:01

i think the less pressure we feel the more we want to do it me and my dp get like this he don't want to cuddle up on sofa will sit in other room on comp yet will be all over me wanting to have sex but then after back to being separate again

my sex life has gone down hill but i do find when we connect via communication i feel so much closer to him and want to make love alot more but other wise it is just sex to get it over a done with lol

men need sex to feel loved woman need love to have sex

stainesmassif Sun 14-Jun-09 20:08:18

of course yanbu, but unfortunately you're asking mostly women. not sure what a load of men would say..........my dh started being a sex pest before the stitches had dissolved. and he's lovely. absolutely nothing wrong with wanting affection time together though.

Confuzzeled Sun 14-Jun-09 20:13:34

This was me posting a while ago and I can understand how you feel.

Firstly the fear of getting pregnant again puts some woman off and then theres the fact that sometimes you feel like it less after you've had a baby.

Your tired and feeling run down, it would be nice to get a hug without it leading to other things.

Why don't you try and plan a date night. That way you know when it's going to happen, dh can look forward to it and you'll know you won't get harrassed in between.

Pebblemum Tue 16-Jun-09 22:47:06

I could have wrote the opening post lol

Sex is the main cause of arguements in my house too. I gave birth to baby no.4 in Jan, he was not planned and although i love him to bits and wouldnt be without him i definately do not any more and i think that hasnt helped the situation, the fear of falling again is a great contraceptive.

We also dont get to spend much time together which doesnt help. Any spare time dh gets he usually spends at the pub, leaving me looking after the kids on my own and resenting him. When he is at home he wants sex and sulks like a baby if i say no. Some days i give in just to shut him up which then leaves me feeling like shit. We seem to be stuck in a viscous circle, he doesnt see the point of being indoors with me when hes not getting any and i dont see why i should even attempt to get in the mood for someone who doesnt want to spend 'normal' time with me. We used to spend lovely evenings just cuddling on the sofa but that seems a thing of the past. I think if we could get that back, if he could make me feel special again then i think my sex drive will return but whenever we try to discuss it we end up arguing

Pebblemum Tue 16-Jun-09 22:52:32

I could have wrote the opening post lol

Sex is the main cause of arguements in my house too. I gave birth to baby no.4 in Jan, he was not planned and although i love him to bits and wouldnt be without him i definately do not any more and i think that hasnt helped the situation, the fear of falling again is a great contraceptive.

We also dont get to spend much time together which doesnt help. Any spare time dh gets he usually spends at the pub, leaving me looking after the kids on my own and resenting him. When he is at home he wants sex and sulks like a baby if i say no. Some days i give in just to shut him up which then leaves me feeling like shit. We seem to be stuck in a viscous circle, he doesnt see the point of being indoors with me when hes not getting any and i dont see why i should even attempt to get in the mood for someone who doesnt want to spend 'normal' time with me. We used to spend lovely evenings just cuddling on the sofa but that seems a thing of the past. I think if we could get that back, if he could make me feel special again then i think my sex drive will return but whenever we try to discuss it we end up arguing

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