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Can you help my friend....

(30 Posts)
Flowertop Sat 13-Jun-09 22:13:42

Hi have very good friend who has DS1 10. An incident with him at school has resulted in one of his peers being expelled. It seems that her DS was held down by 3 boys during play and one got out his penis and pushed into his face. It has even been said that the other boys tried to force open her DS' mouth (for what I think you can guess. The boy who took out his penis has been expelled (independant boys school) and my lovely friend is really upset about the whole situation. The mother blames my friend and her family and believes that there was an over reaction which could have been sorted out with a face to face meeting. 3 other parents threatened to keep their boys at home unless an expulsion was made. How can I help friend to believe that to expel the boys was the only real course of action.

diedandgonetodevon Sat 13-Jun-09 22:17:22

Why? What has it really got to do with you?

2shoes Sat 13-Jun-09 22:19:04


TripleTroubleMuffin Sat 13-Jun-09 22:20:47

and you have posted this twice because??

i have reported.

Goober Sat 13-Jun-09 22:21:18

Interesting story.............

katiestar Sun 14-Jun-09 16:55:34

.if it were true.

Ledodgy Sun 14-Jun-09 17:01:05

I don't think flowertop is a troll she's been posting for years.

Flowertop Mon 15-Jun-09 18:01:36

These comments show the very worst side of mumsnet. When people really need the help and are just shouted down as a troll. The reason I posted twice was because it was highlighted to me that in my first post I hadn't included a title so I decided that I would duplicate and show the title. It has got something to do with me as it involves a close friend who is devestated at what has happened. If any of you would walk away from that then you can't call yourselves friends after all, can you?

FenellaFudge Mon 15-Jun-09 18:06:57

I dont understand, your friend (the mother of the boy who was attacked?) doesn't believe that the boy who did this should have been expelled?

I personally wouldn't care that he'd been expelled but it's her choice isn't it, to have her own opinion on it?

FenellaFudge Mon 15-Jun-09 18:07:59

..and why has this been reported?

Because it contains the word Penis??

alicet Mon 15-Jun-09 18:12:58

Flowertop I agree with you that I am shocked at the reactions from people on here that because this is shocking then you must be a troll.

Um - yes it is her business! She has asked how she can help her friend and not now can she go and get back at the boy that did it or something innappropriate that could be argued to be nothing to do with her.

If I am being naiive to believe this then frankly I'd rather be naiive than bitchy and dismissive.

Flowerpot - all I think you can do is be there for your friend who must be devastated at what has happened to her ds to listen and help her through it. No specific advice but tbh I am gobsmacked that she is considering that it might be unreasonable that this boy has been expelled! I in her shoes would have to be restrained from giving the boys mum a good slap if she dared to tell me that her son getting expelled for this was out of line!

Morloth Mon 15-Jun-09 18:14:24

I am a bit confused as well.

Your friend is the mother of a 10 year old boy who was assaulted in the playground and she thinks that the attackers should not have been expelled?

Why on earth does she think that? If it was my DS I would be pressing charges.

I think people are yelling troll because it seems very very odd that a mother would have any sympathy at all for the kids who did that to her son.

icedgemsrock Mon 15-Jun-09 18:16:51

Can you please explain why she doesn't want them expelled?

Wonderstuff Mon 15-Jun-09 18:19:13

I think any school would have expelled the boy tbh. Sexual assult has to be treated seriously. I think the boy is lucky your friend isn't going to the police as well. Must be awful for her.

paisleyleaf Mon 15-Jun-09 18:20:41

A similar thing happened to my niece (boys put their hand down her knickers) and she was very was her dad!
No-one's been expelled (in fact - I don't quite know what the school ARE doing to deal with it. hmm

Sorry though Flowertop, I don't know what to suggest to you for your friend. It's out of her hands.

(I don't know what's troll-like about your post, I saw the other post too. They're troll mad here)

dittany Mon 15-Jun-09 18:23:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howmuchdidyousay Mon 15-Jun-09 18:46:08

This kind of incident involving a 10yr old perpatrator and a victim of the same age is completely different to an adult or even a boy of 14 or 15 doing it to a 10 yr old. This sounds like horse play which took a wrong turn than something sexually motivated.There is a world of difference.Without knowing the background or any further details ,then I would say a permanant exclusion is not appropriate.

Morloth Mon 15-Jun-09 18:50:36

howmuchdidyousay What complete and utter Bullshit.

This was a straight up sexual assault IMO, if the kids were 5 you would be correct, but not at 10.

islandofsodor Mon 15-Jun-09 18:52:41

The way I read it was that the mother of the expelled boy is blaming mother of assualted boy and saying they over reacted so mother of assaulted boy is really upset and feeling guilty.

Expulsion WAS the only route. This is a serious CP issue and I would not keep any child of mine in a school where this was allowed ot happen.

BennyAndJoon Mon 15-Jun-09 18:54:48

Flower - I agree with the others who say that the school had to expel. How could they keep a boy in school who had perpetrated that kind of assault? What message would that send?

I hope that she and her DS are OK.

katiestar Mon 15-Jun-09 19:01:30

i apologise if I incorrectly suspected your story of not being quite truthful.
It was the sentence
'It has even been said that the other boys tried to force open her DS' mouth ' that made me suspicious.The mother and her DS would have surely known whether this was the case or not. This kind of makes it sound as if you have not actually talked about it with your very good friend as you imply - just been in on the playground gossip
Once again sorry if I am barking up the wrong tree-it isn't nice to be wrongly accused.

sunfleurs Mon 15-Jun-09 19:07:09

This could never have been sorted out for me by a face to face meeting if my ds was the victim of such an assault.

To expulsion and intensive counselling of some kind for all involved is the only course open in this situation.

Your poor friend and her ds.

ReneRusso Mon 15-Jun-09 19:08:11

I think explusion sounds like a reasonable, although perhaps not inevitable outcome. Perhaps the school could have given a second chance if the boy involved had previously good character or had been pressured into it by other boys... or some other mitigating circumstances. But your poor friend - hopefully she will not be vilified once the dust has settled. I would be more worried about her DS - is he ok?

drlove8 Mon 15-Jun-09 19:10:29

OMG - i dont think expulsion is enough ,,, id be going to the police as well tbh.angry shock .The other mother (who thinks its over reacting) should be getting told by the police that her sons behaviour is a serious assault.

Kimi Mon 15-Jun-09 19:18:15

Flowerpot, it seems to be the new big think onI mumsnet these days to shout troll and report everything.

I think all you can do is carry on telling your friend that the right thing has been done, you can not let this "boy" mix with decent children, he deserves to be expelled, also I think the police should be involved, and social services to find out who does this sort of thing to this boy for him to think it is something that can/should be done to other people.

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