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Flowertop Sat 13-Jun-09 22:11:19

Hi have very good friend who has DS1 10. An incident with him at school has resulted in one of his peers being expelled. It seems that her DS was held down by 3 boys during play and one got out his penis and pushed into his face. It has even been said that the other boys tried to force open her DS' mouth (for what I think you can guess. The boy who took out his penis has been expelled (independant boys school) and my lovely friend is really upset about the whole situation. The mother blames my friend and her family and believes that there was an over reaction which could have been sorted out with a face to face meeting. 3 other parents threatened to keep their boys at home unless an expulsion was made. How can I help friend to believe that to expel the boys was the only real course of action.

TripleTroubleMuffin Sat 13-Jun-09 22:12:34

Really?

Lovemyshoes Sat 13-Jun-09 22:12:45

hmm

starshaker Sat 13-Jun-09 22:14:07

whos that walking over my bridge

Flowertop Sat 13-Jun-09 22:16:34

Sorry why do you think this is a troll. This really really happened and I need to know how to support my friend.

SomeGuy Sat 13-Jun-09 22:18:49

If you're going to troll you could at least give your message a title.

FFS.

<<yawns at lame, lazy trolls>>

Flowertop Sat 13-Jun-09 22:21:27

I can't believe you think this is a troll. I didn't give it a title just because I was concentrating on the content. This is real and I need to help my mate. If you can't offer any help then please don't bother posting.

Lovemyshoes Sat 13-Jun-09 22:22:24

Isn't it past your bedtime?

Insanity Sat 13-Jun-09 22:23:16

I think people are slightly wary due to some of AIBU posts where trolls have been lurking.

If this has happened then the boys being expelled is the only way forward but I would have thought the police should have been involved too.

You can only support your friend by listening and being there if she needs you.

I hope to god this isnt a troll post and I normally only lurk on AIBU posts never wanting to really comment for this reason.

Ronaldinhio Sat 13-Jun-09 22:23:50

meh

tell her?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Sat 13-Jun-09 22:24:48

Tss, oh yea of little faith. Flowertop's been around for ages and is no troll!!

I'm so sorry that this has happened, how terrible. sad This was the only course of action. Of course the bully's mum is going to be angry and wanting to keep it quiet/protect her son, however, his actions were wrong on so many levels. There is no excuse for what happened and it's not an over reaction.

Some counselling should help your friend and her son. My son was mistreated at nursery (physically), I deeply regret not being able to protect him. Just be there for her. She know's deep down she had no choice, these boys assaulted her child and she had to protect him and make sure they were punished. She shouldn't feel bad about this.

Goober Sat 13-Jun-09 22:28:22

Dejavu....

Flowertop Sat 13-Jun-09 22:36:13

Thanks so much for those of you who have believed this story. My mate is devestated that this little boy has been expelled and wishes that there was something more she could have done to help. she feels that his school life has been fucked up becuase of this incident but had to protect her own DS who obviously is so upset that this has happened. The other mother and her mates (who are still at school which makes it even more difficult for her ) have concocted their own story which is about boys being boys and too much was made out of the incident and my friend should have gone to the mother first before reporting it to the head of school where they could have sorted it out between them. I just want to help her beleive that the final outcome was the only way forward.

Lovemyshoes Sat 13-Jun-09 22:39:18

Flowertop, I hope you accept my apology, there have been so many NEW posters about etc.

In no way is this behaviour acceptable and his parents should be told so and make sure that their son is severly (sp) reprimanded.

FairLadyRantALot Sat 13-Jun-09 22:40:20

why is your friend devastated about a boy that was expelled for trying to put his penis in her own sons mouth?
If she is she is not really very supportive of her son, is she?

or did I misunderstand/misread/misinterprete...

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Sat 13-Jun-09 22:42:12

This isn't normal behaviour for boys though. Something similar happened to some boys who were all moved to ds's old school from a state primary (where it happened). The boy who did this had severe problems (sexual abuse). I would have gone to the head, not to the mother. The mother's just pissed that it's out in the open and her son now has to attend another school. She won't see it for what it is, just the effect it's having on her family. Ds had his hand shut in a door by a boy at his old school, I bumped into his mum outside when I collected ds, she nor her son asked about ds's hand, they were more bothered the boy had been given detention! hmm

I do strongly recommend counselling for this though, it will have an effect on the family.

FairLadyRantALot Sat 13-Jun-09 22:45:48

well, it is understandable, ish, for the other mum to be concerned about her childs detention/expulsion....but sure the mother of the victim should be with her own child....

MadameDefarge Sat 13-Jun-09 22:47:06

The only thing is these situations is for it to be dealt with at school. It cannot be sorted out between parents, and should not be. Schools are in Loco Parentis and are responsible and have to be held to account; parents are not bipartisan in their viewpoints. They cannot be impartial.

The only thing that troubles me is why on earth would your friend be anything other than incandescent with fury over this incident, rather than worrying about other parents reactions?

I think we all know that boys trying to shove their penises down other boys throats is not normal. Pity the poor boy who did it, God know what prompted it. I would not be at all surprised if SS are not involved now. And good thing too.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Sat 13-Jun-09 22:47:46

Can we call them family A/B/C etc for clarity??

mrsboogie Sat 13-Jun-09 22:57:10

My God, the main concern this woman should have is for her own child after an incident like that, and maybe for the welfare of child who carried out the act as he has clearly, at the very least, been subject to some inappropriate influences in his life to be acting like this at 10. She was of course right to go to the Head and let the school take whatever action they felt appropriate.

It might even be that this incident has prompted someone in authority to look at the boy's life to see whether anything untoward is going on. Might have done him a favour, in the end.

Flowertop Sat 13-Jun-09 22:59:40

I think the fact that the boy did not actually put his penis in her Ds's mouth and the other boys holding him down tried to open her DS's mouth is getting to her. Like did he really intend to carry out the act or is just holding his penis in front of her DS's face enough for expulsion. She is really a lovely lovely lady and is always concerned about everyone. Her DS seems fine and showing great strength he begged her not to allow the boy to be excluded from school and said that everyone should just move on. He is 10 for christ sake and a lovely child, Thanks for your help.

FairLadyRantALot Sat 13-Jun-09 23:03:00

well...tbh letting other boys holding her ds down, whilst the, now, expelled boy exposed the penis....surely bad enough....there is no....feeling sorry for that boy, well...not in the context of what happened....

now the other boy may well has lacking at best upbringing, that is a different issue though

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Sat 13-Jun-09 23:04:13

smile The other boys do need to be punished aswell, are the school not doing anything about them? They are just as responsible IMO.

FairLadyRantALot Sat 13-Jun-09 23:07:14

yes, fluffy is right, of course the other boys should be punished too...although, tbh, I just assumed tey would be....blush

weeonion Sat 13-Jun-09 23:11:43

flowertop- really awful situation for your friend and her ds. she / he is in no way responsible for the others behaviour.

of course the other boy needed to be expelled. boys will be boys but surely that does not amount to condoning assault. if it had been a girl held down - would people's attitudes be different. quite possibly.

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