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am I being unreasonable? Bloomin' men...

(9 Posts)
curiositykilled Sat 13-Jun-09 10:32:53

Why is it OK for them to have free time whenever they choose and you have to ask them for permission? Why do they not understand how difficult being pregnant with twins, looking after the house, organising everything for the babies and with the hospital, managing the household finances and looking after a 4 year old and a 2 year old (when they are swanning around in london all week with their friends) actually is?! Why will they NEVER tell you about things they have planned till the absolute last minute and only then ask you how you feel when they have no intention of bothering beyond giving you a lecture about how all their mates can go, even though you give them a good month's notice when you plan something during family time? Why are they allowed to spend large amounts of money on bloody booze and days out with their friends without telling you but you have to authourise every penny you are spending on moses baskets and stair gates? And, WHY is it just YOUR fault that they can't go to Italy for their mate's wedding a month before the babies are due, the week that your oldest starts school and of your youngest's 3rd birthday when they are working 400 million miles away in the week anyway and will end up being away for 14 days and using up holiday from work?!

hercules1 Sat 13-Jun-09 10:41:38

It's not a "man" thing at all. Poor you though. You do need help.

mayorquimby Sat 13-Jun-09 10:42:11

why do bloomin women use the collective "them" when it is just their dickhead of a partner and not all men?

violethill Sat 13-Jun-09 10:52:11

Agree with Mayorquimby.

If you choose to partner and have children with someone who thinks he can do whatever he wants while you have to 'ask permission' then I would suggest looking at why you put up with that? What are you getting out of this relationship that keeps you there? (And keeps you having more children with him?)

Sorry, that's not what you want to hear, but I don't get why women don't seem to want to be treated as equals, and then complain when they're not!

Trikken Sat 13-Jun-09 10:53:35

Sounds like your partner is being very unreasonable. Have you talked about how annoyed you are about all these things with him? I dont think all men are like this though, cos my partner would never not tell me about a trip. He would have talked it through before booking as its something as a couple that we'd need to talk about and discuss if its practical and affordable.

curiositykilled Sat 13-Jun-09 11:25:22

lol, think I have made him sound worse than he is...

mayorquimby - I know not all men are inconsiderate I am just very cross just now. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I totally agree!

It is however, exactly the same with all of my friends husbands, it's like there is a culture of men get free time and women should be home with the kids. My husband and my friend's husbands, and in fact my dad and father in law are all lovely men who are/were helpful and involved with the children. It's just that when it comes to free time and finances they ALL seem to think it is their money and that they have first dibs on free time and you are their free babysitter. My friend's husband recently said to her he had a right to go out whenever he liked because looking after the kids was her responsibility and working full-time was much harder than just sitting off at home - maybe he is not as nice as my husband (they have 2 children aged 4 and 1 and she works part-time as a teacher).

To be fair to mine, he has a terrible memory and a demanding job and this is probably why he never tells me about things. The issue I have is that he never involves me in the decision process right at the very start. He decides, then he tells me too late then he gets upset that I'm feeling bad and this makes him contrary and argumentative at which point it's better to just let him go or he'll go anyway, but both of us will be cross.

I think cos he works away he doesn't remember that he needs to talk to me about going away or consider how we'll all feel as a family. Also he's used to being on his own and not having to consider anyone else. Mih, sometimes it's just not worth the inevitable argument I guess and I am just MAD right now.

macdoodle Sat 13-Jun-09 11:30:05

He's used to being on his own ??? hmm you have a 4 year old how long since he has been on his own!
Sorry he sounds like a plank ! After my XH I would never ever ever out up with this sort of crap again!

macdoodle Sat 13-Jun-09 11:30:42

Sorry he also sound slike a spoilt child "all my friends can go"?? Pathetic for a grown man with nearly 4 DC!

mayorquimby Sat 13-Jun-09 12:50:10

"It is however, exactly the same with all of my friends husbands, it's like there is a culture of men get free time and women should be home with the kids."

sorry but that sounds like there's also a culture of women letting them get away with it then. i understand it must be frustrating, and sorry for having a go in my last post it's obvious your just very pissed off and venting.
it's just the idea of my GF asking me for permission to do something is just ridiculous.

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