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Witnessed a mum nearly biting her daughter.

(40 Posts)
screamingabdab Sat 13-Jun-09 09:02:12

Would I be unreasonable to report this to someone. If not, who?

junglist1 Sat 13-Jun-09 09:05:45

On first glance I'd say report it, but people on here have said they've bitten their child back after they won't stop doing it etc, so describe what happened more fully

mummyhill Sat 13-Jun-09 09:06:47

depends on the back story? Why she was going to bite her to be honest.

Not saying I agree with it but some people bite to let their kids know it hurts in the hope the child will stop biting others.

mummyhill Sat 13-Jun-09 09:07:45

depends on the back story? Why she was going to bite her to be honest.

Duh should read depends on the back story to be honest. Why was she going to bite her?

flamingobingo Sat 13-Jun-09 09:07:57

Yes, YABU. She was nearly biting her daughter, you say. But she didn't, right? Haven't you ever got so cross you've raised a hand to your child, or put your hands on their arms to shake them but had enough self-control not to do it because you know it's wrong?

If not, then good for you. But pretty much every parent I know has done this and their children are very, very well looked after and would be very damaged by unwarranted SS involvement.

purepurple Sat 13-Jun-09 09:08:30

'nearly' biting?
who would you report that to exactly?

thesockmonsterofdoom Sat 13-Jun-09 09:08:53

But she didnt bite her, I think we need more nfo, did she say it or looik ,like she would do it, neither is acceptable but the m ost important thing is that she didnt do it.

bubblagirl Sat 13-Jun-09 09:11:41

nearly biting would stand up with anybody you would need to prove harm ahd been done and there was no harm

ive gone to bite my ds before i didnt but he wouldnt stop biting so i said right i'll see how you like it just the thought of me biting him was enough to make him stop and i didnt do anything

if no marks on child then why would you want to report someone no abuse had taken place

also now ds is bit older we joke that were going to bite each other but its more affection than nastiness sometimes i'll nibble his arm lol

the fact she didnt do it means no action needs to take place at all

screamingabdab Sat 13-Jun-09 09:11:56

Walking home from school yesterday with DS1.

We were behind a woman with a 6-7 year old daughter from DSs school. Daughter was having a bit of a hissy fit, nothing dramatic, and crying. Mum clearly annoyed and talking quite angrily to her (I could not understand what was being said because English not her first language).

As I am chatting away to DS, I see mum suddenly going to bite the girls arm, in an apparent fit of anger. She definitely had her teeth on the arm, but apparently got a grip of herself, and pulled away (I don't think she registered us behind her).

If she had smacked her, I suppose I would have been upset, but this shocked me, because it was such an unusual thing to see, and made me think - if this is how she reacts to being angry in the street, what's going on at home? I was so shocked, I did not say anything.

What, if anything should I do now? Unfortunately, I have not got much confidence in the school to deal with something like this sensitively.

bubblagirl Sat 13-Jun-09 09:12:40

would not stand up

bubblagirl Sat 13-Jun-09 09:13:05

x post correcting my last post should be would not

screamingabdab Sat 13-Jun-09 09:13:28

Blimey, responses before I got a chance to describe the situation. Thanks

Hopefully this will have explained things more.

I am out now for the weekend, but interested to get your replies, ladies

bubblagirl Sat 13-Jun-09 09:14:44

again she didnt do it she was angry lost control but gained it back and didnt do it nothing you can say as a parent at one time or another we all lose control and may nearly or do something we regret out of anger but she stopped herself

bubblagirl Sat 13-Jun-09 09:17:26

i wouldnt speak to anyone as she stopped herself and didnt abuse her child in any way it was just a moment of anger that she gained control if anything if it was reported she would be told how well she acted in regaining that moment of anger its a quality all parents should have as sadly we do lose control at times how many times have you nearly smacked your child etc but you don't as you gain control and step away i can hold my hand up to this one

purepurple Sat 13-Jun-09 09:18:08

I'm with bubblagirl
you don't even know what they were arguing about
personally, I wouldn't do anything, no harm was done

JemL Sat 13-Jun-09 09:29:56

I don't get the whole biting back to teach kids not to bite thing. But I'm sure that everyone has had a moment of anger where they have pulled themselves back, and this just sounds like one of those.

roseability Sat 13-Jun-09 10:58:02

I think it is important that children come first in society and we should look out for them more. However I do feel that 'real' abuse and abuse that is done with intent tends to go unnoticed. Incidents such as this one strike me as a mum at the end of her tether and not a child abuser.

It is wrong to bite a child, even to teach them right from wrong. However I do believe that most parents (although not everyone will admit it) have had moments of anger, where we have nearly lost control. Thankfully most of us stop before we cross that line. This mum stopped herself. What is her background and what kind of day had she had? You don't know.

It is a taboo area and one which should be more openly discussed. A lot of us have come close to abusing our children e.g. smacking, shaking or saying inappropiate things in a fit of rage. However in a normal loving family these incidences are uncommon and whilst wrong, we feel sufficiently guilty to keep our parenting in check. Society is partly to blame as it is not very supportive of motherhood and not child centred enough. The very fact that mothers spend long days on their own with babies and small children is an important factor.

I worry about emotional abuse as I was a victim from a bullying father. He could come across as a normal, loving father but would say terrible things to me behind closed doors. On many occasions and with the intent of hurting me.

HuffwardlyRudge Sat 13-Jun-09 11:01:41

Nearly biting. So the mother was cross but in control enough to reign herself in and know that biting your child is not on. So well done her, yes?

screamingabdab Sun 14-Jun-09 15:12:10

Thanks. Putting this down in writing has helped.

roseability I agree with you. I have also smacked and shouted in anger. I suppose it's the fact that it was a bite that worried and surprised me.

FWIW, this didn't look like it was in response to the child biting the mother (she was a bit old for that).

Goblinchild Sun 14-Jun-09 15:15:37

They weren't speaking English?
Perhaps the girl had bitten someone else and that is what they were talking about.
A child can bite another at any age.

screamingabdab Sun 14-Jun-09 15:37:26

Could have been, but I don't agree with biting children to teach them not to bite.

screamingabdab Sun 14-Jun-09 15:43:03

Thanks again. I agree there is nothing to be done. I over-reacted a bit in thinking there is. I know I maybe sound a bit judgey, but I would hate to stand by and not do my bit to protect a child.

On the other hand, no, it is not right, but it made me remember times with my toddlers where I perhaps would not have wanted anyone to see me losing my temper.

Hopefully there is nothing more sinister going on.

katiestar Sun 14-Jun-09 15:48:54

If you didn't know what they were saying you couldn have ben misinterpreting the whole thing anyway

screamingabdab Sun 14-Jun-09 19:41:49

I don't think I misinterpreted the body language - the mother was clearly angry

pickyvic Sun 14-Jun-09 20:51:09

is the child at your childrens school? do you know which school the kid goes to? if so why not just have a quiet word with a teacher just to keep an eye out? better safe than sorry imho. if there isnt anything to worry about then great - if there might be then perhaps school could just keep an eye on her for a bit. they wont rush off and do anything without reason but i think id feel better knowing id made someone who could watch out for her know iyswim? its hard if you couldnt understand what they were argueing about but id rather be an interfereing busy body than ignore it - IF i was genuinely worried about it.

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