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AIBU to think that having only me, DP and our children at our wedding is OK?

(164 Posts)
amazinggrace2001 Sat 13-Jun-09 07:39:23

We got married last week at Gretna Green - we had booked it a few months ago and after a bit of soul searching thought it was better to just tell close family before we went rather than go and do it. We wanted to have just a quiet romantic wedding for just us and kids .the wedding was lovely and just how we wanted it.

My mum however is really upset and says she feels like she has been kicked in the stomach.she cant understand why we would not want to invite her and my DPs mum to the wedding.I have apologised for upsetting her a few times.

i can empathise how she feels but as we are 40ish think it is reasonable that we dont have to include her in everything, it is not like we are 18 and have eloped.

I am her only child and we have always been close although i think too close to the point of smothering rather than mothering. i would just like to create some boundaries around my 'new' family.

having no other siblings to have a moan about her to to see if it is her or I being unreasonable thought i would sound out people on here!

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jun-09 07:41:20

It was her only daughter's wedding. Of course she's upset.

swiftyknickers Sat 13-Jun-09 07:43:09

as her only child, i can see why she is upset TBH

congratulations though x

Kayzr Sat 13-Jun-09 07:43:41

I think YABU to moan about her. You are her only child and you didn't want her at your wedding. If I was your mum I would be bloody pissed off and very upset.

piscesmoon Sat 13-Jun-09 07:44:56

It is probably something that you will understand when your DCs are adults and they think their 'new family' are the only ones who count! I am all for small weddings but mums are special.

merryberry Sat 13-Jun-09 07:46:14

congratulations! we married with just neighbours and a couple of friends to witness/wrangle the kids. noone seems to have minded. but we're really really not a big wedding family, so it's quite usual.

if that's not usual in your family, iguess she;s expectedly upset, especially as creating new boundaries round your new family is kind of bound to make someone feel a bit rejected. hopefully time will heal for her

HuffwardlyRudge Sat 13-Jun-09 07:48:23

Congratulations.

Only having your dp and your children at your wedding is fine, and it's your choice. Your mum can't help being upset, so don't be too hard on her, but don';t feel bad either. It's just a wedding.

rubyslippers Sat 13-Jun-09 07:49:45

i think it would have meant so much for her to be there, so why not?

it's her only daughter's wedding - of course she is upset

age is nothing to do with it

of course you should have the wedding you want, but to exclude parents seems a little off IMO (if there is no good reason)

ssd Sat 13-Jun-09 07:50:19

this style of post reminds me of 2 other posters the other week, both had names then numbers after their names, I think 1 was rebecca789 another was a name then 123.

both were trolls, I think we may have another.

ssd Sat 13-Jun-09 07:52:25

yep, just searched her name, this is her first post and its a wind up

amazinggrace2001 Sat 13-Jun-09 07:55:16

Im NOT a troll thanks very much just not very imaginative with my nickname!

rubyslippers Sat 13-Jun-09 07:56:13

first time poster, launching into AIBU

maybe a bit hmm or brave?

merryberry Sat 13-Jun-09 07:57:52

why would you bother to troll something so, well, uncontentious? welcome amazingrace

ssd Sat 13-Jun-09 08:00:13

you are a troll, there's been a few about recently, all posting in your style, with a topic intended to wind people up to get a reaction

God I know my life is boring but the day I resort to trolling here I'll worry

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jun-09 08:05:29

FGS stop seeing trolls at every corner.

SoupDragon Sat 13-Jun-09 08:06:37

The only trolls worth getting worked up about are those which are offensive or out to cause harm and/or distress.

amazinggrace2001 Sat 13-Jun-09 08:08:20

eeek! probably bit of both! did not realise this was not ideal not posted for a long time territory!

to explain further- yes some of my family have done similar weddings so not totally unusual.

some of my partners close family do not talk to each other so we thought could not have just invite my mum and dps mum as that would then upset his sister and then his aunt and uncle, who do not talk to each other so that would have made for an atmosphere if they had all come! bit of a difficult situation really.

we are both quite shy and hate being centre of attention or big fuss and did not want family members to start to dictate what wedding was gonna be like ( as can happen at these things!) so thought doing it how we did would be simpler?

rubyslippers Sat 13-Jun-09 08:10:08

IMO, mums/parents are different from the wider family tho' ...

Ivykaty44 Sat 13-Jun-09 08:14:00

If my dd went and married and didn't invite me - I would have to accept that she didn't want me at her wedding. I would though shed a few tears for the moments not shared bit my lip and not say to much sad

stoppinattwo Sat 13-Jun-09 08:14:42

I agree with soupy....and add

I think an inoffensive troll is not as bad as a potentially offensive troll spotter

Congratulations on your wedding day...gretna is very romantic...and yes i can understand you wanting to just go and get married with just you dp and the kids.......your mother might be upset but it is your day and your choice, and were do you draw the line at pleasing people?

piscesmoon Sat 13-Jun-09 08:16:04

I think you draw it below mothers!!

hazeyjane Sat 13-Jun-09 08:16:28

Well dh and i married with no-one else, found our witnesses outside the registry office 5 minutes before the wedding, had champagne by a river afterwards and then went to Pizza Hut!

We had told our close family just before, and although my mum was fantastic at the time, afterwards she did say she was very upset.

I explained to her the various reasons why we wanted to just do it ourselves, and not involve anyone else, and she has said she can understand why we did it the way we did.

Maybe she just needs a bit of time and for you to explain why you wanted it to be just your dp and children at wedding.

<would seem an unlikely thing to troll about, to me!>

skidoodle Sat 13-Jun-09 08:17:11

well you got what you wanted at the cost if upsetting your mother.

Her upset was predictable, so presumably you didn't care about upsetting her.

Some people are happy for their wedding to be an upsetting and hurtful event. Seems you are one of them.

You got your way, you're not sorry. Why not just tell your mum to piss off?

hazeyjane Sat 13-Jun-09 08:18:28

BTW forgot to add, I truly hope that if our dd's get married, that I will be happy for them to have the weddings that they want, as long as they are happy.

hazeyjane Sat 13-Jun-09 08:19:07

Wow - that was unbelievably harsh Skidoodle!

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