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to think it strange that MIL is booking a family hols for her, DIL, DH and his brother and to not invite me and DD?

(137 Posts)
dol1y Fri 12-Jun-09 11:56:31

We get on pretty well and I don't think its a malicious attempt to exclude us it just seems a bit strange. It also means DH will have to use annual leave and I will be on my own with 5mo DD for the time they are away. DH will be expected to pay his share for the accommodation etc at a hotel - we are struggling to get a week away in Wales in a caravan over the summer! I don't think its malicious but it does seem a bit thoughtless. So... AIBU??

chipkid Fri 12-Jun-09 11:57:55

no you are not-why should dh use his holiday entitlement to spend time away from you? I would be very upset about this situation

Poledra Fri 12-Jun-09 12:01:46

YANBU - I would so not expect my DH to go on holiday without me (and we generally take our DCs too!). Is there a reason for the holiday - is it a family anniversary or something? Even then, DH would not go without us, as he (and his parents) consider me and the DCs as part of the family.....

skidoodle Fri 12-Jun-09 12:03:50

This can only happen if you agree to accept sole responsibility for your dd for an entire week. There is no way I would agree to that.

WTF is wrong with your husband? His mother can be as thoughtless as she pleases but he has responsibilities at home. Has he even asked whether this is ok with you?


blinks Fri 12-Jun-09 12:04:16

i would be uber offended and can't understand why you're not.

Overmydeadbody Fri 12-Jun-09 12:05:16

YANBU to tthink it a little strange, but maybe she wants an adults-only holiday?

Your DH doesn't have to accept the invitation though, he can just say "thanks mum, I'd love to go but we can't afford it thins year".

dol1y Fri 12-Jun-09 12:06:15

No it's not a special anniversary or anything like that - I could possibly understand it a bit more if that was the case. I think that MIL has just found it really hard to let 'her boys' go if you know what I mean. She wants to spend quality time with them on their own as the original family unit I think. I'm from a big very open and loving family and I find it weird - as my siblings hav met their partners, they have always been made so welcome and mum and dad's is an open house to all. Our family would never dream of excluding anyone so I find it hard to get my head around.

GypsyMoth Fri 12-Jun-09 12:08:15

What does your dh have to say? Because if he thinks 'great' then I would be seriously worried. This could set a precedence for the future of family time with your dd.

Does his brother have kids?

skidoodle Fri 12-Jun-09 12:08:37

But her other dil is invited

onebatmother Fri 12-Jun-09 12:09:11

Your dh is the one in the wrong though, surely? MIL is just .. odd.

dol1y Fri 12-Jun-09 12:09:37

My DH is really easy going and will just go with the flow of what his mum wants to do. I could put my foot down and unltimately he would side with me but I don't want to cause any issues with MIL. She is pretty temperamental to be honest although I've worked hard at our relationship over the last six years and seem to be in a pretty good place at the mo. She id hard work and I don't feel like I can be that honest with DH about that. She has been 'queen bee' in their house for so long I sometimes she feels resentful that there is another woman on the scene - which is a bit insane but hey ho.

clam Fri 12-Jun-09 12:10:01

"wants to spend quality time with them on their own as the original family unit????"
WTF? Well, she can't! That changed when you got married and had a DD.

I would say either you all go, or none of you. Sounds like you're being very reasonable about this. I'd be hopping mad. How DARE she? It's more than strange, it's bang out-of-order.

TBCoalman Fri 12-Jun-09 12:10:14

What does your husband think about this? Remove MIL from the equation -does he really want to go on holiday without you and his daughter?

etchasketch Fri 12-Jun-09 12:10:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dol1y Fri 12-Jun-09 12:11:05

DH's brother doesn't have kids or a current partner.

etchasketch Fri 12-Jun-09 12:13:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth Fri 12-Jun-09 12:14:53

Where does the dil fit in the equation then?

Poledra Fri 12-Jun-09 12:16:10

So who is the DIL in the title? I was assuming that was a Daughter-in-Law.

Stil think DH should not be going because he can see how wrong it is- why should you have to put your foot down? Sounds like someone needs to stand up to your MIL at some point - she sounds like a spoiled child!

JemL Fri 12-Jun-09 12:16:15

Did you mean SIL, ie your DH's sister?

YANBU. I'd be MUCH more annoyed, but it sounds like you have got used to her strange ways!

I suppose a day with just "her" family is one thing, (although I would still find it a bit weird) but a week's holiday? No way!

throckenholt Fri 12-Jun-09 12:16:26

why doesn't DH just say no ? - don't have time or money, and also want to spend any free time he has with wife and new baby.

Odd situation !

skidoodle Fri 12-Jun-09 12:17:19

Being easy going at someone else's expense is just being a coward.

Do you really think it's ok for a baby's father to fuck off for a week without a by your leave to placate his overbearing mother?

Why not say you're happy to stay home as long as he pays for a nanny to do his share of the childcare? Or if you're not breastfeeding anymore just say you'll stay home but only if he takes dd as you don't feel like picking up his slack while he spends your money going on holiday without you?

makipuppy Fri 12-Jun-09 12:17:49

How confusing. I have to say, you may think you've reached a good place with your MIL but I think MIL just thinks she's got you out of the way.

So if DH's brother doesn't have a partner, who is the DIL you mention in your title?

MIL needs a reality check.

BabyDubsEverywhere Fri 12-Jun-09 12:18:45

This would be a non situation in our house, my DH would not want to go anywhere without his wife and children, and vise versa, i fid it very odd that yours would even entertain this, maybe its just me?

dol1y Fri 12-Jun-09 12:18:48

Sorry - my mistake - was referring to dad in law not daughter in law - sorry for confusion (and bad typing - dd now on lap)

Northernlurker Fri 12-Jun-09 12:20:35

Is dil in fact fil?

I think this is outrageous and in your shoes I would make an almighty fuss! My lovely parents in law I know now feel they have 6 children not 3. Of course the relationship is different but it is not normal, reasonable or kind to exclude 'in-laws'

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